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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anxiety - consultation cancelled due to kids noise

154 replies

Kardelen · 27/12/2025 14:30

So my husband has severe anxiety. He found this private company that offer help relieve symptoms. It’s very expensive but w e thought we would try just incase it helps as nothing else seems to be helping.

unfortunately my husband was struggling with setting up the teams meeting so I was trying to help and kids were in the room.

as soon as it was set up I tried taking the kids out the room but the consultant said she can’t continue like this with the children, and for him to go somewhere private.

we live in flat… so when they continued with the consultation my daughter started to cry in another room so I was trying my best to calm her down.
but the doctor said she can’t continue and ended the phone call.

i don’t know ifs just me but I feel really annoyed? As not everyone lives in a house and can go somewhere private?

especially if they are dealing with anxious people, should they not be a bit more lenient?

OP posts:
manicpixieschemegirl · 27/12/2025 14:46

So, your DH wanted you to be there which meant the kids would also have to be, as I’m assuming they’re too young to be left on their own? Yeah, no. How could the doctor do their job properly with crying disruptive kids present? Really not on.

2026isgoingtobebetter · 27/12/2025 14:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

zipadeedodah · 27/12/2025 14:51

How old are the children?

Charlize43 · 27/12/2025 14:51

Was it not possible to take the kids out to play in the park or for a walk to look at all the Xmas decorations just for the hour of the consultation?

Original poster
Kardelen · 27/12/2025 14:51

Hibernatingsloth · 27/12/2025 14:46

But OP, you couldn't control your own children and had them in the room with you.
And then, when, in your words, you "tried" to take them out of the room, at least one seems to have been having an almighty tantrum that could be heard from the other room.
I'd have ended the call too.

Show quote history

sorry for my wording. I had taken them out the room, I didn’t mean they stayed in the room.
i also suggested to my husband to leave the room and go to the other room so at least it would be quicker and at the end so the noise would be much less, but he didn’t.

tbh the noise was not bad. I had occupied one already and it was just the one that had cried and she’s a toddler so i resolved it real quick.

it’s not really about controlling because they’re young kids and don’t understand. The best thing would’ve been to leave the house but due to their sickness I couldn’t, and also husband gets anxiety when alone.

it was just very tricky. I guess if we planned better it may have been the key. But just feel bad

OP posts:
PeckedOffHisNose · 27/12/2025 14:53

The pair of you should have put some strategies in place before the appointment. Such as practicing setting up the teams meeting before the actual time.

He wanted you to be there, so you need to work out how that can be accomplished.

Preparing the children in advance. Daddy has an appointment and it’s important so you will be in here eating this banana and colouring in (or whatever) whilst mammy and daddy are busy. Then we will have lunch.

Original poster
Kardelen · 27/12/2025 14:54

Also, when he was receiving therapies, the same set up was in place, but the therapist never said anything so didn’t actually think it would be an issue

OP posts:
PeckedOffHisNose · 27/12/2025 14:54

To me, it sounds like you both need to be more organised generally. Maybe that would lessen his anxiety. I haven’t got anxiety but maybe I would if I was in such a chaotic environment.

taxguru · 27/12/2025 14:59

Perhaps the therapist wanted your DH to be on his own so he could speak freely rather than potentially being constrained with the OP being within earshot and not be able to talk as freely, openly and honestly as they'd want him to. Sometimes anxiety is caused or worsened by partners/spouses and maybe the therapist wanted to cover that base first.

Smoosha · 27/12/2025 15:00

I’m surprised at how many people think the kids needed to be taken out. When you read any working from home with kids thread everyone seems to think it’s fine for workers to have screaming kids in the room/house even if the parent is working with the public/clients etc. And that’s when it’s the professional not the paying customer! (FYI. I agree the kids shouldn’t have been there. And I don’t think people working from home should have kids with them either).

TomatoSandwiches · 27/12/2025 15:01

If there's no one to take care of your children during these appointments except yourself then your husband needs to accept he will have to do these sessions by himself.

pinkyredrose · 27/12/2025 15:02

Very selfish not to have got the kids out of the room. Your poor husband.

4babiesforever · 27/12/2025 15:03

on the positive side you know what needs to happen before next time.

is there anyone who can babysit the kids or so?
when I’ve had teams/phone sessions when the kids were in the house I would go out to the car. But I didn’t want DH with me so it’s different but I do know I wouldn’t have managed with anyone about really.
so that’s my set up, although I’m fave to face appointments now so it’s different.
but now you have a chance to think about what set up works best because as you say the previous therapist didn’t have the same expectations so you couldn’t have known how to prep for this.
also another lesson for future when starting with a new therapist etc is to ask their requirements for session beforehand so you can prep.
hopefully the next session goes more smoothly x

4babiesforever · 27/12/2025 15:04

pinkyredrose · 27/12/2025 15:02

Very selfish not to have got the kids out of the room. Your poor husband.

The husband wanted OP with him and the toddler doesn’t understand so it’s not that easy
OP wasn’t being selfish she was trying to do what husband wanted and trying to settle the kids

pinkdelight · 27/12/2025 15:05

pinkyredrose · 27/12/2025 15:02

Very selfish not to have got the kids out of the room. Your poor husband.

I don't know about that - he's the one insisting that the OP needs to be with him. What's she supposed to do?? He clearly has to get himself somewhere alone and quiet for these sessions but that's on him really. OP has to look after the DC so unless the kids can be parked with other carers elsewhere beyond the flat, then this will continue to be a problem. Honestly I think DH needs to be the one to go elsewhere for his session alone and if he won't do that, then he's already sabotaging the treatment really because it's not possible to do it around OP/DC.

Moonnstarz · 27/12/2025 15:05

I agree that you were not organised. surely you knew the appointment time in advance so if you knew DH needed you to be there you needed to have found someone to mind the children for you both. Additionally if you didn't really know how to work teams you should have started getting it sorted well in advance of the appointment.
I expect you will need to pay again for the next appointment because technically they were available to do the session but you made it impossible for it to run, surely no different than paying upfront for the dentist (we have no NHS availability where I am) and not cancelling beforehand if we couldn't make it.

pinkyredrose · 27/12/2025 15:08

4babiesforever · 27/12/2025 15:04

The husband wanted OP with him and the toddler doesn’t understand so it’s not that easy
OP wasn’t being selfish she was trying to do what husband wanted and trying to settle the kids

Edited
Show quote history

It was a toddler? I didn't see that, I couldn't see the ages of the children.

YourWildAmberSloth · 27/12/2025 15:08

Kardelen · 27/12/2025 14:54

Also, when he was receiving therapies, the same set up was in place, but the therapist never said anything so didn’t actually think it would be an issue

Assuming you mean counselling when you say therapies, I don't understand how this could have continued with you/children in the room. Counselling sessions are confidential - they need to be, You (and the kids being present or within earshot) would render these sessions virtually pointless. I would not have continued in the therapists position. If DH really wants treatment for his anxiety - and is actually ready for it - he needs to come to terms with the idea of going to sessions alone. You can't hold his hand for this, sorry.

Original poster
Kardelen · 27/12/2025 15:11

pinkyredrose · 27/12/2025 15:02

Very selfish not to have got the kids out of the room. Your poor husband.

No I did get the kids out the room actually. Your poor brain.

OP posts:
StressedoutTeddy845 · 27/12/2025 15:11

The session needs to be when kids are out of the house. That sounds way too chaotic.

stichguru · 27/12/2025 15:11

Gently because it's bloody hard with young children, and that's said by someone who only has one, this was an appointment that needed quiet. This should have been organised beforehand. You should have taken the kids out, or if you needed to be on hand, someone else should have taken the kids. If the kids were too sick to go out or be minded by someone else, your husband should have changed the appointment before the start time. The therapist was in the right here, your lack of organisation was the problem.

bananafake · 27/12/2025 15:12

It’s better for your husband to experience his anxiety when seeing the doctor rather than mask it by you reassuring him. The doctor will have a clearer picture of how it affects him. At some point your husband will have to learn to face his anxiety which will be part of the treatment.

cestlavielife · 27/12/2025 15:12

Has your husband tried medication?
Has he seen a psychiatrist? Nhs or private one?
What kind of private company is this?

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/12/2025 15:12

Smoosha · 27/12/2025 15:00

I’m surprised at how many people think the kids needed to be taken out. When you read any working from home with kids thread everyone seems to think it’s fine for workers to have screaming kids in the room/house even if the parent is working with the public/clients etc. And that’s when it’s the professional not the paying customer! (FYI. I agree the kids shouldn’t have been there. And I don’t think people working from home should have kids with them either).

I don't know anyone with that view now that covid is over...in fact in my experience, its the opposite view and that people shouldn't be trying to work whilst the children are present, which is why so many companies want people to return to the office more.

Original poster
Kardelen · 27/12/2025 15:14

Thank you everyone. You all made me cry.

i am already going through so much, yet you are all so quick to judge.

all i asked was if it was odd for her to have ended the call due to the kids noises in the background. They were not in the room! i took them out the first time she said ( and they were only in the room because I was helping to set the meeting up).

you don’t know what I am going through and judging me. Do you know how I have been struggling as all the care of the children are on me? And other financial issues are on me too?

I hope everyone who is quick to judge will experience the same things I do.

OP posts: