To be a little annoyed by this token gift

[slightlyjadedbythis]

I do a lot of free babysitting for my nieces and nephews.

One family got me a really lovely gift voucher. It was really appreciated and came with a really lovely card. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.

The other family (who I’ve probably babysat for for over 200 hours this year) have got me a gift set that is currently on sale for £3. My nephew gleefully declared “we got that on Christmas Eve!” as I opened it, and my sister in law just laughed awkwardly.

AIBU to think that this is a little cheeky when I do so much free babysitting?

You don’t buy your sibling a Christmas gift?

If your sibling repeatedly did you thousands of pounds worth of favours you wouldn’t buy them a thank you gift?

She’s looking after their most precious thing - their children!

For goodness sake, if someone hosts you for dinner you bring a gift worth more than £3.

if someone cat sits for you or waters your plants while you are holiday you buy them a gift worth more than £3 to say thank you.

You give your children’s teachers a Christmas token.

I really don’t understand why repeated posters are rolling out this arrant nonsense about not expecting a gift. It’s the minimum of what they should be doing.

OP, nope! uncommit yourself! Your plans have changed and you’re no longer free to be their doormat!

You are not being unreasonable, but you are being a bit wussy. So what if they huff and puff when you say no. You’re not staff. When/if you have kids would they babysit that much for you. The only way they’re going to appreciate how much you do for
them is if you don’t do it so much.

You're perfectly right to react the way you did.
They are very well off and should have spent some time and money on a thoughtful gift.
The fact that they did not means they take you for granted and are utterly selfish (the parents not necessarily the children but that will come with parents like this).

I'd pull out of babysitting to be honest and get yourself a new hobby in the New Year.

What are you doing? You realise that you're being grossly taken advantage of by both families, don't you?

I had a similar experience, but I recognised my stupidity and put an end to it. I then saw their true colours.

Call time on the childminding. Let them find & pay for their own childcare.

Attaching and an unspoken arbitrary expectation in the size of a gift because you do loads of hours of babysitting doesn’t sound like it’s actually free.

I can understand being disappointed in a gift.

Charge them even if it’s below going rate.

Any difference in thank you gifts won’t upset you as much then.

Time to quietly shelve your goodwill methinks. Honour the agreements you have made but dont agree to any more. I do quite a bit of free childcare for my 2 granddaughters, but I do for it love. They always buy me Christmas and birthday gifts

OP grow a backbone and say no. They can pay a babysitter or find another mug to do it for free!

You’re an adult and they sound like ungrateful, spoilt, entitled idiots. Stop enabling their behaviour. Say no. The fact it was laughed about that the (cheap) present was bought last minute tells you all you need to know. Sounds like you’re completely taken advantage of - life’s too short to be a doormat for idiots.

Are you doing childcare while they go on holiday? If so, stop agreeing to it or charge them accordingly. It’s not your job to make their life easier and they clearly don’t value your time so just stop.

25 years ago my Mum provided childcare for one of my younger cousins a day a week so her parents could work.

At Christmas she got a big box of chocolates and a note written as if from my cousin thanking Aunty for all the lovely Tuesdays they spent being looked after her that year.

My Mum was in tears. The chocolates were a fraction of the money they saved on childcare, it was the appreciation and thanks that meant so much to my Mum.

These people don;t appreciate you so fuck them off.

Stop providing childcare.

Yes it will be uncomfortable but setting boundaries is uncomfortable.

You may have just worked out why they are quite well off!

Maybe just change your mind and stop giving them so much of your time

Stop being such a doormat. Be less available. You can change your mind.

I would at least start asking for expenses. Travel at a minimum, Deliveroo dinner/meals when necessary etc. You are saving them minimum £15 per hour whenever you babysit so it’s not going to be more expensive than that. I’d also make myself less available. As you say, it’s not about the actual presents but the appreciation/recognition. You said they’re going on several holidays next year - are they leaving the kids with you??

You feel unappreciated, so pull back gradually and be less available to them.

You're being taken advantage of, and they know it! Just say you're sorry but you can't babysit any more (no need for a reason) and wish them good luck finding someone else!

200 hours of babysitting? It would be around £2000. I would be busy next year. Game over.

Doing 200+ hours of childcare is not a gift.
It's called being used by her brother and his partner.
How likely is it that a brother would do the same for a sister?
Close to zero.

Her brother and SIL are treating her like a doormat.
Time to get out.
Let them pay a babysitter instead.

Two Scrooges.
Give them both the boot - OP owes them nothing.

I would uncommit. Give them 30 days notice and call it.
They've shown you they don't value you. AT all.

They are royally taking you for granted.

I’ve said no once because I’m on holiday the date they wanted and it went down like a fart at a funeral. Really unhappy So this is where their behaviour goes down badly with you. Return their gift to them, tell them that you can’t use those products so you’re returning it to them so they can get their money back. Tell them not to worry about giving you an alternative gift though, because they have given you the gift of realisation. Which is where you have realised that all the help you give them means nothing and that they have zero respect for you. Tell them that you have reconsidered your availability and are now no longer able to assist.

About as unhappy as they've made you with this?

I'd pull back massively on the babysitting, OP. If you being less available causes as much bad blood as you expect, then your siblings don't value you as a person. They value the labour you're giving them. If that's the case, there isn't much of a relationship there to lose, and it's time to get tough and start putting your own needs first.

No need to pull back "gradually" when you are being abused.
Tell them to FO.

Be hurt. They’ve shown you how much they value you.
ffs though CHANGE! They’ve dropped hints that they’re entitled and been rude and stroppy before. You ignored these and continued to think the best of them. You’re hurt. That’s totally understandable. What’s not is if you carry on as you were. They don’t value your contribution to their life. They feel entitled to it. If you don’t share that view (which I really don’t) CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR. Good luck!

I just don’t understand how parents don’t think to get those who repeatedly help them out or make an effort to have a relationship with their kids a thoughtful gift at Christmas. Is it really beyond the realms of man for them to put themselves in the shoes of those who repeatedly show up for their family to show them some care and thought in return? Being busy/ skint etc is not an excuse - it’s showing that you notice and appreciate the support others give to your family and that you don’t take it for granted. Even inviting someone over for a nice meal over the festive period to say thank you would go a long way - rather than just being invited over to provide favours.

You're entitled to feel pissed off.
You can also tell them to find another babysitter in the New Year as you will be taking up other more rewarding social activities for your own enjoyment.

You owe your brother nothing.
He is abusive and so is his partner.