To be a little annoyed by this token gift

[slightlyjadedbythis]

I do a lot of free babysitting for my nieces and nephews.

One family got me a really lovely gift voucher. It was really appreciated and came with a really lovely card. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.

The other family (who I’ve probably babysat for for over 200 hours this year) have got me a gift set that is currently on sale for £3. My nephew gleefully declared “we got that on Christmas Eve!” as I opened it, and my sister in law just laughed awkwardly.

AIBU to think that this is a little cheeky when I do so much free babysitting?

As a GP, lack of appreciation is one reason why we no longer do childcare for one of our DCs. We only ever saw them when they dropped the GCs off at the crack of dawn for school (and even then they never came in - just opened the car door and sent them to the front door on their own!) or collected them and took off. We never saw the GCs other than for childcare - they never popped in when walking by and literally live 4 minutes walk away from us. Yet complained that we never took an interest in the GCs when they never invited us to football matches or school assemblies. If we asked the GCs they always said - don't know!! If we aren't told how can we do these things? Never any appreciation shown or said.
Other DCs - let us know in plenty of time - if pick up or drop off days change - or even if shifts change so they do these things for themselves and give us a day off. If we are not available - okay will just make alternative arrangements. Buy random treats for us just because - lovely Xmas gifts - meals and invites for days out with them as a family. Invites for school perfomances shared out between the various GPs and we now have some traditions/days out that we do with the other GPs for the GCs - just because we all get on well. The difference between just two siblings is miles apart and they say we don't treat the GCs equally when it is down to their attitude and entitlement. But there are no issues at all with DiLs family doing all the fun stuff despite having no childcare responsibilities around school!
So OP, don't feel guilty when you say no - and even if committed now - be less available in future - you definitely deserve better!

Wouldn't be bothered about the Xmas gift, but it sounds like you feel underappreciated by them generally - maybe try to cut down the amount you offer free babysitting.

I think that’s absolutely diabolical OP - I’m afraid I would Asa matter of principle charge £5 an hour going forward -which is still cheap - it’s not that I think you had an ‘expectation’ of a pricey present , it’s the fact that they had a complete lack of thought/care at all the free time you have willingly offered.

Presumably you choose to babysit.

You could be less available in future.

They are taking advantage of your good nature.

I would give them notice and then stop sitting for them. Have you worked out how much they are saving by not using a babysitting service based on the going rate in your part of the country? Tell them you will be busy next year with hobbies or a second job or a side line job - whatever. I bet if you have kids in the future they would not reciprocate.

I woukd feel exactly the same as you . I think the word is ‘used’ !

They don't appreciate it. The pathetic gift (honestly, sometimes giving nothing is better) isn't as bad, in my opinion, as the way they reacted to you not being available to babysit because you'll be on holiday. That's ridiculous! I'd cut back sharply on my availability, except for times you actually want to do it—if ever. You don't owe them a 'break'. 🙄

Yes I’d be annoyed too, it’s not about the cost of it (although £3 is stingy if they’re not having to pay for babysitting!), it’s about showing appreciation.
A card the kids had made and a box of chocolates would have been fine for me if it came with a genuine thank you

You shouldn’t expect a present - they’re your family. If you’re not happy to do it for free, just don’t do it.

It’s less about the money and more about the fact it’s something I won’t use. It’s artificially scented and I don’t use that, and they know it!

@CeciliaMars , if it's Christmas and you regularly babysit your brother and SIL's children it is not unusual to expect a present.

This

I really would give notice that as from eg Feb I can only do 1 evening a month or whatever you want to do and I would use the free time you are no longer babysitting for them to do something lovely for yourself whether it be a new hobby or a chance to go for a leisurely walk or watch a film but something you would enjoy for you ,

They seem incredibly unappreciative - especially when you are going on a holiday and yet they are complaining you won't be around to babysit - let them do what a lot of others have to do - sort it themselves

Then uncommit yourself

So you don’t babysit for free then?

Getting nothing is definitely better. I've done similar, not doing more than raise an eyebrow when no gesture of appreciation was given, then one time when I'd saved them over a grand they reciprocated with a packet of biscuits worth less than £2. I couldn't quite get over that. Giving nothing seemed a bit gauche, and was largely forgotten. The biscuits felt like an insult. I stopped putting myself out for them after that.

They think of you as less than them. You're just there for their convenience and they don't appreciate it for a minute.
Can you shed some light on the context? Is it for them to work or socialise? How come you have ended up being the third parent to their children? Where are the grandparents? Other family members?
Stick to your January commitments but then tell them you're not going to be available anymore. It doesn't matter what their reaction is, stick to your guns.

I think that if they have made you feel undervalued and, as a result, it will tarnish the pleasure you used to get out of helping them (because you thought they appreciated you), then you should message them as announce a NY resolution: that you have started a new hobby and will no longer be available to offer free and unlimited babysitting and hope you are giving them enough notice to make alternative arrangements for those dates already discussed.

Free babysitting should have been met with a bottle of wine, flowers etc. Every. Single. Time.

They have taken advantage of your single/un-parented status. You should draw a line in the sand and not be available except in extremis going forward.

I’m already committed to loads for next year and I’m feeling really pissed off

You can change your mind, you know.

Why martyr yourself for others who treat you appallingly? Just stop.

I would be upset not by the present but more than giving you a token gift was an after thought.

A £3 gift thoughtful picked out is a lovely gift but I'd rather no gift than a "that will have to do" £3 gift thrown in the supermarket basket on Christmas eve.

My mum has a thing about always having something to open. I've asked for money towards some new clothes for Christmas. My 'something' to open present was some smelly candles. I don't generally use candles I don't see the point in them and smelly candles and air fresheners give me migraines.

I do?

It’s always for socialising, I work the same hours as them. Grandparents are either dead or refuse to babysit outside of work hours.

Yeah, what everyone else has said. You can change your mind. Stop going along with this and take your time back.

Get tough.
Explain you now have many other commitments and sorry, but they will need to find another babysitter. You will let them know if you are ever available. I babysat for a neighbour recently and they popped a £30 gift voucher through the door.

This is a complete smack in the face- entitled twats.
They are taking you for granted.
Think I’d be pulling back from it and having a word. They can’t possibly deny how shit they have made you feel.

You’re not wrong to feel annoyed. After hundreds of hours of free babysitting, a £3 last minute gift feels thoughtless, even if they didn’t mean it that way. It’s not about the price, it’s about the effort and the message it sends.
You don’t have to make a scene, but it’s fair to quietly recalibrate how much you give going forward. Free help like that only works when it’s appreciated, not taken for granted.

Why do they expect so much of your time ? You are not their staff. If they don't appreciate you cut back drastically - some people fool themselves that their children are just so amazing that people should pay just to have them ! Time for a wake up call for them