To be a little annoyed by this token gift

[slightlyjadedbythis]

I do a lot of free babysitting for my nieces and nephews.

One family got me a really lovely gift voucher. It was really appreciated and came with a really lovely card. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.

The other family (who I’ve probably babysat for for over 200 hours this year) have got me a gift set that is currently on sale for £3. My nephew gleefully declared “we got that on Christmas Eve!” as I opened it, and my sister in law just laughed awkwardly.

AIBU to think that this is a little cheeky when I do so much free babysitting?

You are being totally walked over. Tell them to do one and never answer phone calls/texts/emails. They are utterly taking the pi*s!

So stand up for yourself. Tell them you're charging from January.

Or you can fester and feel unappreciated.

Why are you allowing yourself to be a doormat?

You keep referencing that it would go down badly if you were to say no. Think for a moment, that you were unhappy with the 3 quid gift they gave you yesterday - and they didn't care. They didn't stop to think at any point that it was a piss take, and that it might offend you or upset you.

With that in mind, why does what they want matter so much to you? So what if they get pissed off? You're not a servant - you are free to tell them to get stuffed. And if they get snotty about having no help and never getting a break, what's stopping you from pointing out that this is a load of old bollocks - because you have given up hours of your time to babysit for them? And that if they're pissed off that they now have no babysitter, then that's on them for being so bloody rude and entitled.

Say no, that's it, over. I am only going to babysit for people who value and appreciate what I do for them - and that doesn't include you.

If you feel under valued and unappreciated then stop. Tbh from all your posts, it sounds like you're being treated as a mug.

So what if they can't get another babysitter or shock, horror - can't go out! Boohoo, that's NOT your problem. Especially, when they expect your services for free.

I would stop this now. Give them a month's notice (at least that's showing consideration) and put an end to it. Or at least make yourself a lot less available/ or start charging. Stop being a door mat otherwise they will continue to treat you like one.

Oh come on! She loves the kids and enjoys babysitting for them. She isn’t asking for the moon on a stick. She’s asking for very basic consideration and thought.

Which quite frankly she should get in her own right as sister/SIL/auntie even if she never ever did any babysitting.

I’m betting the OP bought her Brother, his wife AND the children appropriate gifts. And she gets something carelessly picked up the day before?

That’s pretty poor even without considering that she saved them about £2,500 last year in child care.

I tipped my supermarket delivery man more than £3 for goodness sake.

You don’t give to receive, that’s true. But there’s also a point where you have to recognise that you are taken for granted and have the self respect to stand up for yourself.

You re acting as if you owe it to them...why is that?...perhaps you re getting something significant in return? Is it a question of status, cultural, economic or social. I can think of certain cultures where a single aunt is held in low esteem, unfortunately.

Do you know what, @slightlyjadedbythis you are allowed to withdraw your services. They're relying on the fact that they can bully you into continuing with a bit of not very subtle emotional manipulation.

Let them be pissed off, they'll survive. At the moment you're trying to control their feelings by making sure they get what they want, and they're happy for you to do it. They're using the threat of a bad mood to get their own way.

Let yourself feel a bit guilty. You'll survive, I promise you. And it will pass really, really quickly.

At some point, if this continues, you will become resentful enough that the whole thing will fall apart. It's inevitable. The only question is when that is. So you can either subject yourself to months if not years more of providing free childcare, or you can pre-empt the inevitable and start saying yes only if you actively want to.

This is entirely in your power to change but you have to accept that they'll be pissed and be ok with that. People like that will make a fuss but it's just noise. What's the worst they can do? Not buy you a £3 bit of tat next year?

Plans change so unfortunately you are no longer available!! Thats shitty!
I child mind and bought the kids including their sibling who i dont mind Christmas gifts. It was one child's birthday Xmas eve and I got her a separate gift. I got nothing off them whatsoever for Christmas! I buy for milkman, postman, hairdresser etc so maybe I am the idiot! They do pay me obviously but I thought a small token gift at Christmas as in a box of chocs would have been standard for a childminder

So what if it would go down badly?

They obviously don't care about you.

Is it babysitting so that they can have time together/go out or so that they can work?

If the former just cancel as there's no real impact as they can ask someone else/pay a babysitter.

I think you should stop and tell them why. Just say that you don’t think they appreciate your work or time.

Please just stop.
Who cares if thry take it badly?
You are (rightly) taking their behaviour badly...

It doesn't have to be permanent but it should be long enough that they check their selfishness and acknowledge your generosity.

They are taking the absolute piss amd sound like reckless users.

We pay £20 an hour to babysitters - they got more from us for xmas than you did...

And our CM who we pay over £50k per year!!! got a hamper with about £100 /150 of nice stuff (food / body / bath) and a case of decent wines...
because our children are precious and I deeply appreciate how much care love and energy she pours into them!!!!

There behaviour is totally off and I would not be the bigger person "for the children".
And arseholes like this generally raise arsehole children...

Sounds like you in an abusive relationship with a sibling if you are not able to set any boundaries and say no to babysitting
Are you able to seek support from other family or friends or even Women's aid?

Seriously, they are trying you so bad. Send a text to say that given the gift is explicitly to reflect all the babysitting, you understand they will want to go elsewhere so you are stepping back now. They are walking all over you.

So you couldn't babysit on one occasion, despite how much you already do, and they made you feel bad for saying no. This just shows that they take you for granted and expect you to say yes everytime. It sounds like they don't value you , the shitty gift sounds like an afterthought.

Time to start being less available.

They’re treating you like a mug, OP. Is this an older brother and his wife? How old are you and how old are they?

You need to email them early in the new year to say you won’t be doing it any more. Rescind the current agreements you’ve committed to with them. Say whatever you like. You could say things are financially tight this year so I can’t afford to do it for free any more (quote them a decent market rate for babysitting if they still want you to do it). You could say you need more time for work/hobby/something else/second job. You don’t even have to give them a reason if you don’t want to. Just say “I’m afraid the dates we’ve agreed no longer work for me so I can’t do it; I’m letting you now in plenty of time so you can find an alternative solution”.

And stick to it! If they cannot show some appreciation, you need to set your own boundaries and STOP. Or they will walk all over you and never care a jot what you feel.

Bon courage, OP. Think of all the time you can have back from these ungrateful, selfish people.

No you are not heing unreasonable OP. That's worse than no gift at all really isn't it, if everyone else is bring given something decent in front of you.

Do you see your sibling/ the parents other than when babysitting? Do they make an effort with you for you, if you see what I mean, to spend time with you?

You are allowed to change your mind.....

Well then you’re being a mug. They’re just treating you like free childcare. Time to stand up for yourself.

OP why not tell them how you feel? Or ask another trusted family member to. Keep it simple. You are feeling hurt by their gift after all you do so need a break. You love your family but don’t feel appreciated.

It is not your responsibility or problem if they don’t have sitters.

Please stop doing this.

I did loads for my siblings’ children. When it came to have my own kids many years later they couldn’t be less interested. Neither are the kids who are now fully grown adults. Seems that some people only want to take and never reciprocate. I’m just talking basics, nothing extraordinary, but they couldn’t even do that 🤷🏻‍♀️

How much do you think they should have spent on you?

then un commit

FFS grow a fucking backbone