To be a little annoyed by this token gift

[slightlyjadedbythis]

I do a lot of free babysitting for my nieces and nephews.

One family got me a really lovely gift voucher. It was really appreciated and came with a really lovely card. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.

The other family (who I’ve probably babysat for for over 200 hours this year) have got me a gift set that is currently on sale for £3. My nephew gleefully declared “we got that on Christmas Eve!” as I opened it, and my sister in law just laughed awkwardly.

AIBU to think that this is a little cheeky when I do so much free babysitting?

Tbh I’d be insulted if anyone who was well off bought me a 3 quid gift set at the last minute.

Id rather have nothing. And it’s not even really about the money. It’s about how much they value you as a person. 3 quid last minute is shit.

l’d tell them!

This is very poor on part of the parents. My cleaner cleans for me once a week and does the occasional bit of childcare if I need someone to watch the kids for parents evening etc. My kids are 5 and 9 years old. For Christmas she got a bottle of Asti Martini, a box of lindt truffles, an M&S light up box of short bread, M & S pyjamas, Ted baker toiletries and warm cosy socks from pavers. My cleaner is 65 years old and I chose the things based on what she likes and would find useful. Your family must be really ungrateful!

Why are u such a martyr? Stand up to them! The comment about the displeasure when you can’t babysit, as on holiday, says it all! Entitled! Don’t be a mug OP, you babysit only, when the dates work for u!! After the dates committed to, do not agree to anymore. Just babysit for the nice family

Ding ding ding. The answer.

How incredibly ungrateful, I would also be feeling the same way you do. We had very little grandparent help and no auntie/uncle help. I have a friend who babysat once this year for 4 hours and I got her an extra special Christmas present this year and one for her husband. They are taking the piss out of you and will continue to do so. Absolutely agree, make yourself unavailable with a months notice - this is on them. If they have funds they can find alternative childcare if it means that much to them. You need to prioritise yourself.

We used to look after my sister in law's dog when they went on holiday - happy to do it, but a big commitment. At first they brought back lovely gifts for my daughters but by the end it was chocolate bars from the supermarket and like you, I found it hurtful and disrespectful. They were going away 3 or 4 times a year, they were saving a fortune in kennel fees. I couldnt put the dog into kennels so I kept doing it but felt sad that they would treat us like this. It's not about wanting gifts but rather feeling seen and valued. I definitely feel your pain.

They are completely taking advantage of you but you are letting them..just stop babysitting.. you aren't available. The end.

I totally get this, its not necessarily the amount they spent its the total lack of consideration and thought they put into it.

Or you are available but at the rate you set. Don't make it a token gesture but let's say £10 per hour and £15 after eg 11pm. I suspect you will find you have more free time but possibly more money! Do not negotiate the fee you have set. Only the hours and it's paid into your bank before the date arranged. Easy enough to transfer it back or hold it as credit.

Time to start charging for your services……….or being less available! She’s taking the piss.

“Gift” aside OP they’re treating you like a doormat and you’re allowing it. I’m the most people-pleasingy person on the planet and hate anyone thinking badly of me (thanks ADHD / RSD) and I’m working on it but they’re taking the piss and have no respect for you. I couldn’t stand for this. You really need to find a way of firmly stating you will not be committing to future hours of unpaid childminding.

You say they are well off as well? They’re probably laughing behind your back. Do it for your own self respect, please.

I'd cut back on the babysitting if it isnt appreciated. This did actually happen to us. My DH did alot of chilcare meeting DGS from nursery at lunchtime the having him for afternoon til parets picked up at least twice sometimes 3 times per week . So I though O I bet he gets a lovely xmas pressie as well as the usual family secret santa . Well I though wrong didn't I . He just got tge secret santa and nothing else . No thank you gift from DGS . It seems to be a pattern with these types . I'd definitely carry on just for the ones who appreciate you.

Try and steal a bottle of expensive likka next time you are there 😁

Stop babysitting for the ungrateful bastards.

I bet one of the things making you reluctant to uncommit to babysitting for 2026 is they will likely say, "But you're letting us down" and "but we booked nonrefundable flights" and "But the kids are so much looking forward to spending time with you, how can you let them down like this" and so on. None of these things obligate you to babysit for them. I would argue that likely they booked you for multiple dates in advance BECAUSE it would enable them to continue treating you badly as they consider you unable to back out.

Here's the thing. You aren't getting anything out of this so THERE IS NO CONTRACT. There's no "You agreed to give me your left arm and I'm going to hold you to it!" There isn't even, "You agreed to give me your kidney and you can't back out now." You are never obligated to give up your own resources for someone else without compensation. In other words, you are indeed allowed to back out. To be polite, you can give them lots of notice. A month, two months, whatever you like. But try to stop letting them continue to fool you into the illusion that you owe them babysitting.

If you can afford it, I would suggest therapy to give you some tools to start defending your boundaries. They are family, which means they know how to push your buttons and get you to agree to things that aren't good for you because you are emotionally driven to avoid their negative responses. Hence your comment that saying "no" - ONCE - went over "like a fart at a funeral." They made you feel bad for saying no, when they had no standing to do so. Somehow they managed to twist the rules of social engagement, not just to hide how much they were being rude for asking you to babysit for FIVE vacations, but to make you feel bad for going on ONE vacation. That is expert-level manipulation. I think you'll need help to start withstanding it.

Good luck! You deserve better and I hope 2026 is the year you start being treated better or at least not standing for being treated poorly.

Well un-commit yourself. They're using you and you're allowing it.

That's the best you can do?

Nothing is ever set in stone! Situations change. Don't ever put yourself in a situation you're not happy with.

If you’re that bothered (which you clearly are) then don’t do it anymore. Simple.

You don’t have to babysit for them for free - say you aren’t doing it anymore. It’s not compulsory.

I mean even if you forget the babysitting - if you have bought a nice gift for your sibling, their partner and for your nieces/nephews……. And they gave you a shitty £3 gift bought on Xmas Eve, then it’s still insulting. Especially if it’s usually the norm in your family to buy nice/thoughtful gifts for each other.

I would tell them that your New Year’s resolution for 2026 is to rest more / take up a new hobby/ whatever excuse you can use. That you will honour any babysitting commitments you have agreed to up until the end of Jan…… but after that they need to find themselves a new babysitter.

It’s not worth a big family rift over, but make your excuses and stop any favours. They have shown you clearly how little value they put on you.

This is your sibling if they're your nephews and nieces.

They're acting like you're their employee, or more likely servant.

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated this way.

Whoever is my sibling i would be speaking to them and saying 'I won't be babysitting this year, I don't think you appreciate it and I'm frankly fed up with being taken for granted'.

Email them if it's easier, or on the phone, then you can ignore when they go for the inevitable 'of course we value you, the children just lurve you' sort of rubbish that they will try when the truth is 'you're free and convenient and we can treat you like crap but because you're family you can't complain'

Are you 12?

Seriously, I gave a perfectly polite reply to the OP (screenshot attached although under review) and you accused me of 'gaslighting' her.

I pointed out that is was not gaslighting and here you are, still fannying on at me 2 days later instead of just accepting you were wrong.

Jeez, let it go 😳

Who forced you at gun point to babysit for free? No one. Do you babysit because you enjoy spending time with the children or for the gifts you get at Christmas?

Just stop now. No more baby sitting. That gift was an insult.