To be a little annoyed by this token gift

[slightlyjadedbythis]

I do a lot of free babysitting for my nieces and nephews.

One family got me a really lovely gift voucher. It was really appreciated and came with a really lovely card. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.

The other family (who I’ve probably babysat for for over 200 hours this year) have got me a gift set that is currently on sale for £3. My nephew gleefully declared “we got that on Christmas Eve!” as I opened it, and my sister in law just laughed awkwardly.

AIBU to think that this is a little cheeky when I do so much free babysitting?

Don’t know exactly how old you are, but say that your studies take precedence. You’re sorry, but it’s an important time in your life.
Either cut down radically or all together.
It sounds as though it’s affecting your self- esteem being taken for granted in this way.

Also, you may want to find time for a paid job somewhere.

This time could be used for a hobby, your interests (finding or cultivating one), studying, or even part time work (paid babysitting?) to save towards your future. Or rest, which is also for you. You sound lovely, but your self esteem needs a boost - that’s why that gift felt so rubbish, it was your self esteem knowing deep down your worth, your value, and that they are not valuing you appropriately. Tell them that this year from Easter (or whenever) you are studying more /plan a new hobby for future career or whatever it is, and invest in yourself. When you are older and have children - they will not do the same for you, and you may not be able to afford sitters - worst of both worlds as you’re limited now, and will be even more limited then. Your child free years are so so precious, please use this time for you as they’ve shown they are eroding your self esteem.

So? Their £3 gift has gone down badly with you too. Why are you letting your brother and SIL ( I presume) take the piss out of you? They are doing it because you let them and don't do anything about it. If they don't like it, tough. They will lose out because they would have to find a paid babysitter.

So your sister only bought you a £3 gift (From the children). What did you buy her?

Also ,. Maybe start charging for babysitting?

I think i would offer babysitting to other families who pay (£10-£12 ph) instead

next time they ask, just say you have a paid gig already that date

I'd be taking up hobbies , new year new you. What you do is unappreciated by them. Get busy join clubs

You're absolutely not wrong. They must be under the impression that they are doing your a favour by going out and letting you spend time with their children🙄 honestly - some people!

Looks like it's the family dynamics to expect you to serve them, and the cheap gift in their eyes might even look like a concession for what these entitled people feel you owe to them. In my experience if they never valued your help they feel entitled to it.

Possibly you feel valued by your family offering your love to the children, but it now shows it's too much for you. And they also use their complaint to control you and exploit your time and FREE work (think how much they should pay if you were not there). In the name of the family? No, their own self interest, or they would reciprocate somehow, or at least show gratitude.

A decent human being would say " no worries and enjoy your holidays, thank you for what you've done so far" and offer gifts through the year, invite for a dinner out or so.

Universe or God (according to beliefs) gives unwritten lessons, if you feel disappointed then please take responsibility for doing too much and rectify accordingly.

If this choice comes with a burden of regret, guilt, etc then it's time for you to examine yourself and decide to truly invest on your own self worth and stop investing on people who see you as a utility. Hopefully the lesson you learn is to appreciate yourself and only offer up to what a genuine thank you would make you feel fulfilled and satisfied. More than that is free labour.

Warmest wishes for a New Year where you truly celebrate yourself unconditionally of what others expect from you.

This is so often the case.
Selfish people frame it that they are doing a family menber by letting them babysit their child, as " what else would she be doing?".

My SAHM friend fortunately overheard a similar conversation from her SIL to her husband when she was pregnant. She told him that she intended giving her the baby a couple of days a week as she had time now their son was going to be starting school.
Her husband said he'd not heard anything about it but told his wife, my friend. She laughed it off and never said a word.
The baby arrives and a couple months in her SIL casually mentions that they should have getting to know days where she leaves the baby with her.
My friend put her gently very straight that she wasn't minding any baby, had zero interest and wouldn't entertain it.
SIL was so upset and felt let down?! and her MIL then contacted her about it, asking why she wouldn't help family out!. Could she not do one or two days as she had so much free time.
Funny thing was MIL/SIL had never once offered to ever take her son for even an hour.
Complete CF's thinking she could be free childcare.

She directed her husband to firmly sort his family out. They were house hunting at the time and this was the final push to move closer to her family 30 minutes away.
Problem solved.

The funny thing was her MIL had zero interest in providing childcare, nor did the other set of grandparents. But because she is gentle and quiet they thought she could be pushed into it.

Really? You wouldn't feel the need to thank anyone who gave you free childcare approximately 3 times a month?

It sounds, from nephews comment, as if the gift was from the children (in THEIR eyes at least) and should have been accepted with appreciation (to THEM). It seems to be completely seperate to their parents lack of appreciation and taking your availability and aquiecence for granted. Talk to them about how you feel as if you are being taken for granted. Agree to babysit, ONLY if/ when you WANT to. Live your own life. Socialise. Limit your availability.

The irony is they probably wouldn't be able to afford those holidays if it wasn't for you 🤔

I get it. You feel totally under appreciated and used. You expect someone to be grateful and to feel appreciative of how much you’ve done for them. Everyone saying oh you don’t give to receive etc are probably these thoughtless oblivious people too. I see you’ve said you’ve committed to a lot more for them next year? I’d say sooner rather than later the list of dates you’re now unavailable as you’ve taken on another job - make it up - call centre working from home or something. She’ll soon realise what she’s lost. It’s hurtful isn’t it. I get it

Convent answer, they just happened to say that the gift was explicitly because you babysit? Ok.

I don’t really understand why you’d assume you would be paid for babysitting via Christmas presents. If you want to charge, charge. Otherwsie it should be no strings unless explicitly agreed

There’s something important in this for you. What’s your relationship with them that you are worried about them being upset with you? Why do you feel you cat say no to them? They don’t value all this amazing time of yours you give them. And they’re entitled to make you feel bad that you are going in holiday and therefore can’t look after the kids I. A given date.
I’ve made a resolution not to do thing I feel resentful of and I have backed out of things like this where I don’t feel valued. Your tIme is precious and important. you can change your mind. You are allowed to say “this isn’t working for me any more.”
it’s ok for them to be unhappy about that.
Id even go so far - if they were rude enough to complain - that I’d done over 200 hours for free, that I didn’t feel valued and that I felt they actually believed they were entitled to my time. And that was the reason I didn’t want to do it any more as I felt resentful about their attitude towards something I’d done as a kindness.
You are already a good and kind person - you don’t have to avoid all friction in order to be a decent person. X

These posts make me cringe and get mad. I have two friends who have a similar arrangement. Wealthy siblings whom they babysit for. My friends have no kids but adore their nephews. One friend even uses her holiday allowance to look after the children. The parents earn 6 figures EACH. They take the piss because they see you as a doormat plus you have no kids and assume you will love having them. I am a single parent and wouldn't dream of doing this to my sibling, and if I did, id be thanking her eternally for her help/buying her tons!

You babysit for them 3 times a month yet they moan they don't get a break??? That's LOADS! I used to feel bad asking for a babysitter once every few months.
They sound incredibly entitled! I'd be giving them advance notice that my plans have changed and they need to find a new mug.

Make yourself unavailable for babysitting to them.

They can clearly afford to pay a babysitter and get a break that way. As others have said, their reaction is not your responsibility. If they make out they won't ever get a break again, point them to where they can source reliable paid for babysitters.

This! You’re in control Op, so up to you to change things! You can do it nicely & not burn bridges - just tell them you’ve reviewed the dates & can no longer make x, y, z dates as you have plans. If they take it badly, that’s on them, not you.

I can totally understand why you feel hurt, Op, they really have been nasty & ungrateful.

Omg don’t be such a wet blanket.
say circumstances have changed.

Mixed feelings about this one but I would say just start charging for babysitting if you really feel some way about doing it for free. You are clearly counting the hours expecting compensation so ask for it. Maybe the gift was inconsiderate or maybe they thought you would genuinely like it and it happened to be on sale. Maybe all gifts were last minute purchases. Maybe funds were tight.
All I know is that if this was about me and I read it I would never ask or accept free babysitting from you again. While I would definitely give something to a sibling providing regular childcare support, I also am not a fan of people who claim to be doing something out of generosity only to tallying up behind my back.

It's bad craic OP. Do they even pay for a takeaway or treats when you're babysitting? Did they offer to pay you when you first started babysitting? My MIL & FIL help out with our kids and throughout the year we get them vouchers for restaurants, flowers, chocolate etc. Of course they want to spend time with their grandkids but children are still hard work and we very much appreciate them and their help. YANBU.

I'll bet you are. @slightlyjadedbythis is offering free babysitting. Quick, book her up until NYD 2027 and we can give her that bottle of talcum powder we found last year. Tell them you are charging for your time and see what happens

Hardly worth adding my voice to the throng but will anyway.

You need to uncommit to those dates you’ve agreed to. Unless one of them in maybe in less than a week, you are giving them plenty of notice to arrange paid babysitting.

Your plans have changed, you’re going to make more time for yourself and your hobbies/ to study/ whatever it might be in the NY. “Just wanted to give you plenty of notice” (which it is) and job down.

Treat them with the amount of respect they have for you!