To expect children to say thank you?

[Nifty50something]

We stopped by a good friend's home yesterday (we were invited) and gave her a gift and also gave £30 to in a Christmas card to each of her children. The children (aged 11 and 16) opened the cards, took the money out and said nothing. After a few minutes I prompted them by asking if they had put it somewhere safe and the 11 year old then said yes, thank you. The 16 year old said nothing.

Afterwards in the car I mentioned to DH I thought it was shocking the children hadn't said thank you, or only one did when prompted by me. The mum did say thank you for her gift but didn't say anything to the children. DH said oh that's normal that's just how children are nowadays. But I can't believe that.

I'm child free and in my 50s. So AIBU to expect a thank you or am I just out of it and behind the times? I don't expect a thank you card or even a text but surely uttering those two words at the time of receiving something surely cannot be too much to expect???

No it’s not you, there were rude and I’d reconsider if you want to give them gifts in future. My 5 and 3 year olds know to say thank you for gifts.

I think this is really unusual and not at all the way children are today. I've never met a child over three who wouldn't thank you to your face when handed a gift in person, assuming no relevant disabilities.

Yanbu, but we have nephews and nieces like this. It’s rude. Tbh it’s the parents at fault though.

They should know to say thank you at that age - I wouldn't bother giving them anything next year.

I would have prompted mine to say thank you. Then gave them a wee talking to about manners once you had gone. I hate lack of manners

That’s not most kids, I wouldn’t have expected a gushing thanks from kids that age but I would expect a thanks and if it were my kids I’d have prompted them

Exactly this! My 6 year old needed prompting yesterday and I had a word with him after (he’s normally good),
. I definitely would expect better off an 11 and 16 year old!

It's very rude, but then adult posters here think it's not necessary to write thank you either, so you can imagine how ill-mannered their kids must be, if even their parents tell them thank you is a waste of time.

Then they just don't bother saying it full stop

I’m child free too, YANBU at all !. My nephew (42) to whom I’m very close is married to a very dysfunctional girl who , in all the years he’s know her (18) has never said thank you for any gift. She has very strange, dysfunctional parents, and obviously she just wasn’t bought up to say thank you. My nephew knows about this, but is clearly too embarrassed to tell his wife she isn’t normal. If I had my way I’d give nephews wife nothing, but I think my nephew would be hurt, I think we were bought up well, and some people just aren’t !

My DC know better and would have certainly thanked the person.

Yanbu re these children. But yabu to say all children.

Mine are no longer small (23&+9) and always write thank you letters.

I think I would actually say to friend, I noticed x and y didn't seem too impressed with the cash - have they got to an age where it doesn't mean much to them? If so I shouid stop with their gifts maybe?

Keep giving your friend a gift, but perhaps it would be good to indicate to these children that you're not just a cash dispenser

My 3 (just) year old grandson says than you for everything. Even after eating a meal I’ve prepared. I think by that age they should know better.

My DD knows that it’s polite to say thank you so no, it’s not normal to not acknowledge a gift. Mine is often shy in a big group but still knows her manners.

Mine would have said thank you straight away as that's how they were brought up.

I remember when buying my teenager a cone of chips one afternoon he said "thanks mum". The lady serving asked if she'd heard him correctly as she was so surprised. Never crossed my mind that other children wouldn't say thanks.

Without any additional needs, I'd expect a toddler to understand the concept let alone a teenager

Yanbu. It is very rude to not say please and thank you unless theres a reason they are unable to, which it sounds like these children are capable of speaking. I would have expected the parents to prompt them at the very least and tell them off if they still didn't say thank you.

No it's not normal not to say thank you

Thank you cards are not as common as they more - more often text/video or picture - but a thank you in some form is normal.

Literally just had this conversation with my adult dd as she has received no thanks from the several family members shes bought for, adults as well as young adult dc.
Really seems to be a lack of manners these days.

I got a thank you from the adults but only because I messaged first to say thank you (WhatsApp as I didn't want to ring and interrupt their xmas day)

YANBU.

The parents haven’t taught the children properly. Part of this wierd parenting philosophy where children aren’t made to do anything that isn’t genuinely their idea or isn’t what they genuinely want to do. Really strange and ultimately unhelpful to the child imho when in reality, being a competent and successful adult who is liked by others, depends on doing an endless list of things you don’t want to do day after day, and on not pissing others off who have been kind to you.

People are raising brats. Shocking behaviour. I wouldn't repeat the gift again.

Happy New year :)

Thank you 😊 and Happy New Year to you also xx

It’s definitely not how children are. All four of my nieces and nephews have given me big hugs and said thank you for their presents.

Well
I sent (expensive for us) gifts to 5 adults and 4 children all of the same family .
Didn't get an acknowledgement or a thankyou ,or even a Christmas card in return.
I'm actually very hurt ..as these are extremely close relatives

I gave a lift to a neighbour's 9 year old daughter the other evening. As we got into my car she said 'thank you, I really appreciate it' which I thought was really sweet. Good manners cost nothing but go a long way.