Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

You can get a turkey from aldi for around a tenner as far as I'm aware

A fifth.

You're quibbling over £21? And sister uses her electric gas water etc

Wtf? 🤣

The husband pays nothing and the OP and their mum pay towards the kids food. The OP doesn't drink but contributes towards booze and doesn't even get a bag of leftovers

They would be using electric gas and water anyway.

Not done this at Christmas, but for things like family holiday in a caravan a d the subsequent food shop we split based on adults and children but the kids act as half each

So a family holiday with myself DH, DD, SIL, DGS DGD would be split five ways with the two grandkids adding up to a whole one. DD family then pays 3/5.

Or if we all go that's 8 adults and 2 children. Then total is split 9 ways.

Works for us

I’d split it three ways but you and your mum get to take some leftovers home.

Exactly

25% per adult and the kids go free. Still a good deal for DSis, even if she's covering heating, cooking costs etc. Take a bottle of wine with a screw top or pre-mixed cans for yourself.

Tell her you will pay 25% as one of 4 adults. Her reaction is her issue not yours.

Of course he pays. The households pay.

Just because two of the households comprise of one person, doesn't change the fact there are three households so the bill is split between 3.

I think that this split sounds fair, but if she fights it I'd split between all four adults.

Ah right. So two parents and their kids pay 83 quid between them and the single people also pay 83? How is that fair - particularly as the OP hardly drinks and is subsidising the booze too?

Who is getting the better deal out of this - it's not the OP is it?

Don’t ask just state “Let’s split it evenly Sis. There’s 6 people in total so we should split it between 6 to be fair but I think it’s kinder to keep it between the adults only so 4 of us instead. What do you think?”

Because it's not just about the food receipt is it.

If my Christmas was just the value of the supermarket receipt I'd be laughing.

It's about planning the starter, main, dessert(s) plus all the nibbles. Prepping the night before, while everyone else can relax or get on with other things. Up early to get various meats and whatever in an out the ovens. Spending the morning in the kitchen instead of playing with the DC and relaxing watching TV. The crackers, the extra picky bits, the drinks (alcoholic and soft), the constantly checking if anyone needs a cuppa, or whatever, the table displays, the hosting and prepping your home for guests. The delivery of a tasty, Christmas dinner for everyone. Plus dinner, cold cuts maybe, with a cheeseboard? Laying a Christmas table. Clearing the table. Laying it for dinner. Running the dishwasher continuously.

Seriously, OP should sit on her own, chiming away that a fabulous slimy microwaveable ready meal roast dinner for one is merely a fiver. Eat that, by herself, if she's going to pretend that paying her third of the household bill, absolving herself of all responsibility, is poor value.

This is a good suggestion. And if sis gets upset I’d just pay the 250 but say next time you might have to do something different because your share for one person is a bit too high. But you at least thank her for hosting and recognise the effort etc.

I think it’s really nice that you and your mum contribute and also share some of the work.

you haven’t clarified but I think you mean rack of the three of you pays 250? So 750 in total? I’d want some leftovers from that for sure!

Splitting between the 4 adults sounds fine. How does you mum feel about it?

The OP said she helped with the prep and I would never want to do a Christmas meal like you've described as it sounds awful and exhausting - and once more - no one needs to spend 250 quid on a Christmas dinner for four adults and two young kids

I'd personally rather eat that by myself than opt into a meal where I paid 83 quid and didn't even get a bag of leftovers

My Christmas dinner cost 7.50 and it was lovely

I suspect the OPs sister doesn't do picky bits (I hate that phrase) and a cheeseboard.

I suspect they buy lots of booze that she subsidises because she doesn't drink alcohol

It's 2025. Women don't need to be chained to the cooker doing picky bits and cheese

Not even a bag of leftovers to take home for 83 quid? Fuck that

No. 250 quid between 3 adults as the hubby (who presumably has a pair of hands and could help with the prep) pays nothing

I would just say next year. Mum and I have other plans - have a lovely Christmas

Yeah I think we can see you can't comprehend "a Christmas meal like that." It's pretty much the average meal going on up and down the country.

I was actually taking the piss by comparing a meal for a fiver. Of course you love your £7.50 meal which obviously is outstanding in comparison to what most Christmas day food and drink, for 6, all day, comprises of, and anything above £2.50 is ridiculous for OP to contribute.

As PP stated, it's very clear who hasn't got a clue about hosting and that 75% of Christmas hosting happens the day before and the day after. Although no doubt you will soon tell us that you're a fabulous host, indeed guests wax lyrical about your opulent £7.50 feasts...

I'm vegan by the way. Lots of people are vegan or veggie and don't spend Christmas up to their eyes in meat

No one needs to spend hours prepping over picky bits and a delicious cheeseboard

No one needs to make a martyr of themselves trying to justify why they are charging their family so much.

Particularly when they could do a meal for 70 tops and not 250 quid

‘My Christmas dinner cost £7.50’ is surely MN Christmas bingo for many people this year.

Did it feed 15 with leftovers for several days too?

Blimey.
And you do all that just because you are having your mum and sister over for dinner? Well lovely if you are happy to do so, but it doesn't sound like you are, so maybe do a bit less? Particularly if your guests are helping with prep and cooking and tidying up, is there really loads to do?

This that seems fair

Depends how nice you want to make it really. We have champagne and canapés, 3 course meal with either prawn, scallop or lobster starter. Evening charcuterie, salads, cheeses, deli sides. Fine wines. There's a lot of us too, so £250 doesn't particularly scratch the surface. Plenty of leftovers. I don't ask for a contribution from anyone, if you're invited, you're a guest. Guests don't pay. Most bring something lovely as well mannered token of appreciation. This year, flower bouquets, very nice chocs, more fizz.

I don't mind it. It's tiring, definitely, but it's greatly appreciated by all, and I have more than the OP's set up to feed. It's also nice because the following day, one of my guests reciprocates and the whole hoard goes to their house for a lovely feast.

I'm also not entirely sure which bit you're so shocked at? The crackers? The clearing and resetting lunch then dinner? The bowls of nibbles? The cheeseboard/cold cuts evening food? Those things are very very standard across the country.