Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

I found your message really upsetting and unkind.
I should sit on my own with a microwave meal because I want to split the cost of a christmas dinner evenly and fairly? Okay then.
For what its worth:

• me and her plan the whole meal together including starter main and dessert
• she wasn't up early to start cooking, we do all the cooking and prep together and I did all the timings to know when things needed to go in and out and at what temperature
• we all get our own drinks, no one expects to be made drinks
• we all clear the table, clean up, stack and unload the dishwasher.

Of course there are added pressure and work with hosting people which I definitely recognise, appreciate and take into account but I dont think that should mean that I need to pay a third of a meal that was for 6 people including alcohol that I didnt drink.

You only seem to be thinking about yourself though? You think her extra effort for the whole affair, equates to £20.80. That's what you want to argue over. Paying £62.50 instead of £83.33. And you're trying to count a 5yo and a 9yo as equals to yourself.

You should host next year. Genuinely. Then, with the actual experience of what she does, Vs what you currently perceive she does, decide what you think is fair.

No. The husband should be paying a share. Four adults - split four ways

I'm going to say this very gently. Your sister is rinsing you. She does not need to spend 250 quid on a meal for four adults and two kids. She could do the same meal for 80 quid tops easily

You should not be paying 83 quid for a three course meal and one drink when her and her husband and two kids pay 83

You and your mum are subsidising her Christmas - please reconsider

My mum and me spent less than 30 quid for three meals for us. Christmas eve Christmas day and boxing day - excluding booze

Your sister knows fine well she's getting the better deal by far

I offer every year to host and its always declined. I'd rather you dont post on this anymore please, you're coming across unkind and unhelpful. Thank you.

So the total for all of you is 250? In that Case I would not be as keen to argue it. Because what about the cost of hosting. Electricity, gas, dishwasher tablets, toilet rolls, cleaning materials. Wear and tear. Etc. I’d factor it all in

Er, exactly what I demonstrated in the example.

OP thinks she should be paying 1/4 as opposed to 1/3. She thinks it should be per adult, not per household. Well actually she doesn't, she calls it dinner for 6 to make it sound even more "unfair" glossing over that persons 5 and 6 are little children. But she knows she can't get away with that realistically so admits the best she can argue is splitting 4 ways instead of the current 3.

OP feels umbrage at the £20.80 difference between paying per household and paying per adult. She wants to make no recognition to the fact that she doesn't have to host. So she should do exactly that next year. Then we'll see how much she thinks she should be paying her way.

Although, this will all of course be impossible for you to comprehend with your race to the bottom whole day's food and drink for everyone coming in at £7.50.

Next year host your mum or set your sister a budget of £30 each adult. It's more than doable.

I never said that the whole days food and drink for my family came in at 7.50. I said my curry that I had on Christmas day was 7.50

I smashed my leg to pieces just over 18 months ago and even though I get disability benefits I still live well below the line..

No race to the bottom. Just spending what I can afford

Hope that fucking helps

You don't get to call people unkind and tell people when they can and can't post because they don't suit your narrative.

My family set up is similar to yours - me single, sister married with 2 kids. I generally go to theirs at Christmas as that's what they want - more room, easier for kids to be at home etc.

So I do all the travel. And as the token childless aunt spend more on presents than I get in return (this doesn't matter to me). Then either not drink and drive home or get to sleep on sofa (obvs as a single person, I don't deserve a bed).

My point is that being single and childfree can work out pricey at Christmas - and that's without subsidising your bro-in-law's dinner. Nothing more annoying than a couple who eats for two (or 3 or 4 if they have kids) and pays for one....

And obviously living alone is stupidly expensive all year round.....

OP...you are not unreasonable!

I only have three of a family - our Christmas day curry cost 23 pounds as it happens and my mum and I did buy alcohol on top of that

I'm quite proud of my "race to the bottom" dinner. No food waste. No cooking costs - and spending time with the people I care about most

I also don't eat meat or cheese which is why I have a "race to the bottom" takeaway rather than a cheeseboard and "picky bits"

Just ignore. They are just looking to belittle you

So, you didn't cook a Christmas Dinner in the national average sense, which is what we are discussing here. A bit more fancy roast, so to speak, with a starter and dessert. Plus the evening food. You don't cook any meat ever, which is one of the primary costs of aforementioned Christmas Dinner meal.

You made a vegan curry. One course, for two people. And this cost £7.50. Which is very lovely, I'm sure, but absolutely no relevance as a comparable cost to what OPs thread is about. If I'd bought fish and chips for 2 and paid £20 and ate that for my Christmas meal, it's a pointless comparison.

I stand corrected - I actually did get some "picky bits". Some yellow sticker party food from morrison for yesterday and next week

Yum! In the air fryer with tatties from the community pantry and some veg. Less than a pound a head for Hogmanay and dinner on the second of Jan

And I'll be having my "poor persons curry" on new years day. For 7.50

We always give a tip too to the Chinese takeaway

YUM!!!!

My mum has health issues just now which means slaving over a hot stove isn't feasible

Again, unsure of the point of demonstrating another non comparable situation?

Two meal deals from Greggs cost £9.60. Do we also need to factor that in as a meal for two... with no resemblance to a standard 3 course Christmas dinner for 3 households?

I did not make a vegan curry - are you actually reading anything I'm writing? My mum and my brother and myself got three curries from the local Chinese takeaway. Two vegan and one meat as he eats meat

I'm quite aware meat is expensive but you can get an 8 quid turkey from Aldi

There's no need to spend 250 quid on a Christmas dinner

At all

Ahhhh, just seen your identical interactions with this poster a few pages back.

I wish you well 😊

Ah right. You're being snide to me too now. Well this is where I step out. You're the person being nasty to the OP and sneering at me for what I spent on my Christmas dinner.

Hope it makes you feel good

My mum and I are both disabled. She's just been diagnosed with an auto immune condition that has affected her hands badly

She suffers from debilitating hip and back pain that she's on medication for - and she has other health issues going on at present that GPs are trying to get to the bottom of.

I hope that goes some way to explaining why some people get a takeaway rather than cook

Casual every day abelism and completely uncalled for on every level.

Out

Say that it's not fair for your mum to be subsidising your sister's family so the cost should be split between the 4 adults. Next year keep the alcohol separate and just take your own.

She's just not being very nice. Ignore, I am. I wish her well.

We host my in-laws every year. It really is exhausting even with the very best guests who help plan the menu and prep/cook the food. It's hard to explain exactly what it takes out of you - but there is a mental load to hosting the guests don't have to bear. I think you sound like a lovely sister but, equally, what you described as contribution is exactly what I'd expect from family round mine. My inlaws even sometimes even offer to make me a cuppa or do all the washing up so I don't have to. We would never ask for money, this year one offered to split the shop but they brought really thoughtful gifts for our kids (we have three) and I felt too cheap to ask for dinner for food too. However, I did find it all a bit much and wished they'd maybe brought us a gift for hosting - maybe a voucher for a meal out for my other half and I after the holidays. A single person rarely understands the work in hosting a large group as they are so used to only looking after themselves and adding up their share of things - I did it too pre children and totally get it. I wouldn't want to fall out over it, sounds like it was a nice afternoon and you have a good relationship. Besides, what would xmas even be if you didn't come away a little disappointed? Hope that helps!