Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Oh wow £250 for Christmas dinner is an awful lot. How much of that was food/drink? I guess its the alcohol thats bumping the price up as a turkey is around £25, veg was on offer for around 15p each, starters approx £15 total, dessert approx £15 total. What was the rest spent on?

I think I would offer her money but perhaps not the money she asking for but you should offer.

TBH though I actually took a large part of dinner to our family Christmas at my brothers house with me - I bought, paid for and cooked the turkey which came from a butcher plus it had butter and bacon on it etc, I also took christmas crackers, cheese etc with me. It didn't occur to me to mention the cost to anyone. Or the fact my sister only took chocolate brownies and a bottle of wine. I think collaboratively we covered the cost of Christmas Dinner between us. I also had time to cook the turkey whilst my brother and his wife have 18mnth little one. I just viewed it as making Christmas more special. Next year maybe you do some shopping and bring it with you.

Yes possible but sounds miserable

No people I know have £300 Christmas meals and are happy.

Yet another post where someone is incapable of not letting someone walk all over them. She’s taking the piss, transfer whatever your share is and let her take the fucking huff.

But surely that's other peoples choices? Someone posted above that they fed 20 people for 143 pounds and bought food from Aldi. I'm personally perfectly happy with eating Aldi food at Christmas or other times. I would also be more than happy with a non branded champagne or cava or prosecco

I had prosecco over Christmas and it's on offer at 5.12 just now (prices are higher in Scotland due to minimum pricing).

I said earlier on in the thread that I'm on a low income - I wouldn't be spending hundreds of pounds on good at Christmas - it's just not feasible - and it won't be feasible for a lot of people either

It might be worth suggesting that the bill is split between the 4 adults. Resenting the cost of young children can come across as a bit mean-spirited, and it’s likely your mum would be perfectly happy not to include her grandchildren in her share anyway.

You chose to have one alcoholic drink on the day, but could just as easily have had more and at Christmas people often overbuy to avoid running out. On that basis, splitting the bill four ways between the adults may feel fairer overall. As a practical compromise, you could suggest taking a bottle of wine home since you only had one drink. In the same way, if you didn’t fancy dessert on the day, you might take it home for later.

Most importantly though, this should have been raised and discussed in advance of the day. Doing it after will almost certainly cause a conflict as your sister and mum will have budgeted for their agreed share based on the usual arrangement. Christmas with young children is very expensive and any extra unexpected cost will cause stress, you should have raised this prior to the food and alcohol being purchased not after.

This year I'd give her one third of the food costs - as you didn't/don't drink, you shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol. Next year agree who is paying for what upfront.

Do you really want to fall out with your sister for the sake of £30 or similar? If you host it, you can be in charge of the financial breakdown but you might decide it isn't worth the effort.

For goodness sake you are all adults, you bring it up well in advance, pointing out you dont drink alcohol!

Doesn't the host - host? Supply food and drink? That's how it works for us. I'm not counting how many drinks and slices of ham people are having or asking for a per head contribution at any meal, Xmas or otherwise.

I would message her before she requests a third of the costs and just say “I’m going to send over my share for Christmas on X date, it seems fairest to split it between us 4 adults?” Then see what she and your mum say. I don’t understand why you all wouldn’t make it clear before the shopping was done what the split would be. I know you said you were anxious to bring it up but surely it’s making you more anxious now

She'd have the lights on anyway, its her house and shes responsible for her electric bill. Im all for not taking the mick out of the host (contributing and doing your share of the cooking and cleaning up) but charging your family in this way when you keep all the left overs and booze is going too far. Its your mum and your sister! Just two extra ppl. Dont charge them anything ,just ask them to bring some soft drinks and a bottle or bring a couple of dishes and or the desert.

In some families - no. It might be for reasons that some people don't have much money to be fair and need a contribution

I have no issue with you contributing to the cost of food/drink but people saying there’s hidden costs to hosting and a lot of work and effort… yes that’s true but you surely don’t expect to be compensated for effort and gas and electric when you offer to host? I’d split it 4 ways, it’s still unfair due to the fact you don’t really drink and her two kids are being subsidised but I’d let that go, subsidising her husband is too ridiculous to ignore

Very strange comment . Jealous much? !

The OP isn't a big drinker and said this in her first post

Point taken . Yes I see that

How’s the presents being split? Are you buying 4 and getting one back, or are you buying 4 and getting 4 back? I know it’s not in the spirit of Christmas but I used to feel ripped off at spending £200 in presents for (each of) my siblings families and getting something like a £20 gift back. This is when I was single. Funny how it suddenly changed to ‘buying for kids only’ once I wasn’t single! I would also factor this into how much you are paying for Christmas.

Personally I can’t fathom inviting anyone to my home for a meal and then asking them to pay! Sounds bonkers! If I’m hosting then I pay, I don’t expect anything from my guests except to come along and enjoy. Any help with clearing up etc. is welcome and if they want to bring some extra dessert or alcohol that is fine but not expected.

Last year I went to a close friends home for Christmas break. We stayed 3 nights. I took individual presents for them and their children. Then a bottle of whisky, a bottle of prosecco, a panettone from Waitrose and 2kgs of cooked pork as they love my pork. We all take turns at hosting. But no money is exchanged!

I think of your hosting then realistically you should cover the cost, I do every year for our family and have never ever asked for a penny from anyone, I wouldn't dream of it. I'm not well off and some of my family are financially a lot better off than I am....but I have invited them, people often bring tubs of sweets or snacks etc and always ask if I need anything but usually just so no (this year I realized I was short on tea bags so asked MIL to pick me some up 🤣 as my mum and husband don't really drink)
I think of people offer to contribute then that's fine if you want to accept some towards it but you wouldn't throw a party and charge people for the food. Just my opinion and I get that times are hard but if I were you I would maybe arrange something else next year x

Lots of misers on this thread. 😱

My mum and I get a takeaway -and have done for years - mainly because we don't eat meat and I personally prefer a takeaway on Christmas and new years day than I would sitting with a microwave dinner.

On Christmas eve we had a vegan dinner that cost nothing - there's a community pantry near us and it can be very hit and miss but they got loads of vegan donations this year and my mum got them for a pound. She could have taken much more too

I also went out on boxing day to morrison and got some yellow sticker party food - as no one seems to want the vegan stuff :)

My brother used to do Christmas day with his ex but since they split up he comes to my mums for a takeaway

We spent 30 quid excluding booze - and that works fine for us. We only have three of a family anyway. It's going to be much different if you are hosting ten or twenty people.

That sounds absolutely lovely. And no poor creatures slaughtered.

Happy new year to you when it comes

Same to you.