Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

£250 for Christmas dinner!!! What on earth did you eat and drink? I cooked Christmas dinner for 10 adults and 4 children and it cost nowhere near that. Even adding the food in the evening doesn't take it to anywhere close to that amount

As I read it, the two dishes the sister makes beforehand are prepared from ingredients that are part of the big shop she does with OP, so she isn't paying separately for these.

Think that’s fair for a group of 6, esp as there’ll be alcohol, desserts as well… most people buy extra special food at Christmas too and things you don’t normally buy like snacks. We spent £137 in M&S alone and that’s 2 of us 😅 although it did last us 2-3 meals.

I would ask her how much it is without the booze as it seems a bit unfair that you split the total cost, as you don’tt drink and then she gets to keep all the leftovers! That is a bit cheeky of her! Does your mum drink? Does she feel the same way?

It depends I got a turkey crown in LIdl for £22 fed 4 adults for 3 days (fnished yesterday) But my mum goes to a posh Butchers (Bevans) and will spend £100 on meats etc

How much do you think is reasonable for you to pay @Blackcat54 ?

If your sister is hosting next year, I'd suggest a different model whereby you and your Mum prepare and bring different dishes and both soft and alcoholic drinks.. My family do that and I far prefer it to them "helping" me in the kitchen when they're constantly getting in the way and asking where I keep various implements, pans etc. Plus DSis's roast potatoes that she just finishes off in our oven are absolutely fantastic, as is her red cabbage.

That's a lot OP. My costs for hosting family for one day over Christmas including food for 7 adults and 2 kids (mains plus dessert plus snacks, treats and cheese board) and food for fairly heavy drinkers was £165.

What was your sisters response to your suggestion?

I’ve spent almost £1000 on groceries/alcohol in December for Christmas, albeit I’ve made two full Christmas dinners for 8 people each time, and we’ve had guests for a week.

What are you serving your guests? Two turkeys, two big hams, a beef joint and a leg of lamb cost £250.

You must have more money than sense if you have spent £1,000 on food and drink. I would guess that the bulk of it was drink.

I would also split between the adults. So she would pay half and you and your mom would pay 1/4 each so £125 for her and £62.50 for each of you. It's cheeky of her to expect to split three ways when there are two adults in their house.

what did you end up doing?

I'd genuinely love to know how you budgeted. By the time you add in glass of champagne or two on arrival, red and white wine choice at dinner. Beer and after dinner port or liqueur, soft drinks ...that's well over £150. Turkey is around £40 for as cruelty free as you can get...tno that's not really possible, poor things . Then there's Brandy butter, cream custard. Xmas pudding...other dessert for those who don't like it. Smoked salmon to start with isn't cheap., salad, salad dressing. Cranberry bread sauce gravy !!! ..plus vegetarian starter. Crackers for 8 were £25 ...and they were mid range rubbish really . Mince pies, after dinner mints, tablet Wow I spent around £300 easy . I'd love to know how to actually do it cheaper withoutreducing quality

@Blackcat54 YANBU to think it’s not fair but I do think YABU to be bringing this up after the fact when you’ve already done the shop.

Every family dynamic is different. With my ILs they insist on hosting and refuse to accept any money - we do try and get bits for the day where we can - but there’s only 5 of us. With my parents there’s often >10 adults - we all chip in for the trimmings - a family member works for a big supermarket and often gets discount on the Turkey. I don’t think it’s “miserly” or a class thing as previously suggested to split the bill as everyone is in different situations. But I do think it needs to be sorted before.

At this stage as she has hosted (regardless of how much you helped out on the day) and it’s already been prearranged to be a three way split I would send her the money and then say if she insists on hosting next year, as you don’t drink much alcohol, you’d prefer for the alcohol to be split between the people drinking and think the food should be split between the 4 adults. It’s unlikely to cause any drama as you wont be breaking any contract but you’re setting a boundary for next year in advance and she shouldn’t be surprised nor should you feel too worried about bringing it up for them his time 2026

Is it just Christmas Day or do you stay over @Blackcat54

How old is DM? We have much higher disposal income from parents so wouldn’t be expecting contributions from them.

If the difference in alcohol consumption is marked then the way forward might be to provide that separately, not split the cost. Did you not agree the split beforehand?

You and your mum should just pay a 1/6 each, your sister sounds like a spoilt brat who always has got her own way.

I know. I recently hosted a Christmas dinner for 20 people and the food and dessert came to £136. It was Aldi stuff and no alcohol, but it included crackers and goose fat, honey, extra special items and gammon and beef joint. Plus left overs for another meal for about 10 people (minus meat). They were big plates too, not school Christmas dinner plates. Pigs in blankets, fancy stuffing, sprouts in lardons and pine nuts, honey mustard roasted parsnips and gammon, parsnips cheesy mash etc etc.

I can't see how each person would eat £50 of supermarket food in one meal.

I agree with another poster, split 4 ways for the adults and count the children as one adult. So 5 splits. Mum and sister pay £50, the other family pays £150 (but that's split between 2 adults, not one family) so they pay £75 each (to cover themselves and £25 for a child).

The adults with the children will only pay £25 extra and this covers their child.

But £250 is crazy. £25 for a child is crazy 😧 was it all Booths food?

I agree. I spent around £400 for my Christmas shop for just the two of us, and neither of us drinks alcohol. I won’t really need to buy much now until my next delivery on New Year’s Eve . I always buy a big turkey because we both enjoy it, and really look forward to the turkey soup, and it feeds us for several days. I bought a 6.5kg organic turkey, which cost £120, but it was significantly cheaper than the last couple of years when my daughter and son in law were here and I had to buy an organic halal turkey. As you said, all the extras like gammon, ham, xmas pudding, mince pies, crackers etc really add up. I could have saved money by buying cheaper meat and vegetables, but I really think you get what you pay for with meat such as turkey and I budget from my pension and savings so that I can buy the food I want at xmas.

Id do food 4 ways and alcohol your sister pays for. She has kept all the food and drink leftovers and hasnt paid anything for her children to eat. You only owe 1/4 of the food, even this is generous.

It should be split between the four adults and the alcohol left from the main shop and everyone brings their own. She should also share out the leftovers, she’s being greedy and selfish keeping it all and it sounds like she’s using your money for a free ride. My dad always comes to me for Christmas and he gives me some money towards food as he knows
money is tight for us so I make sure he has plenty to eat on the day and I sent him home with left over lunch food and a slice of the Yule Log we had for dessert.

If you are splitting cost it should be between the adults, so 4.

She's keen on being subsidied, but she is providing the venue.
Sounds like she's getting a good deal, a boost to her Christmas budget

Maybe because some families wouldn't expect to eat everything you've listed at Christmas - some would be happy with a main meal comprising of turkey (or whatever meat they eat) potatoes, carrots, sprouts, gravy - a dessert - and they might bring their own booze and snacks. Some people won't buy free range turkeys - they'll get cheaper ones and veg in several supermarkets ranges from 5-11p around Christmas.

Some people don't have the money to be buying smoked salmon, champagne. Port etc. That's reality for a lot of families these days - and some people will do it but they'll buy cheaper champagne, or cava or prosecco

Someone earlier in the thread said they fed ten people for 140 pounds - so it is possible

I cook Christmas dinner every year, I never charge my dad and brother for their meal. The meal in total cost maybe £50. We only have soft drinks. Whether they came or not, I'd have the oven or heating on. My personal view is that if I invited them, I provide the food.

'Oh behave you are a family of 4 mum and I an only 1 person as is mum'
' not in a million years and I subsidising your husband and surely he'd be mortified that you've asked me too get a grip'