Page 10 | To not text my Mum every morning!

MenopausalMrs · 2025-12-26T00:02:26+00:00

My Mum has been over today for Christmas dinner. During dinner she said that she feels that I should text her every morning to check in that she is okay. For context, she has no health issues at all, but she is on her own and has been since my dad died in 2020. I responded that I am a single parent who works full time and needs to get kids to school, packed lunches /myself ready etc and could she just text me instead. She was annoyed about this and said it literally takes seconds to send a text, even sending one to me to demonstrate! She also mentioned that her friend’s children check in on them twice a day… At this point I did lose my shit a bit because she wasn’t understanding that what for her is a second is another thing for me to remember to do in the morning, when she has nothing to do at all. I’m so upset that apparently I am unreasonable when I don’t think I am… she’s supposed to be coming tomorrow but I just want to tell her not to. Just feel like a shit person right now…

scarymalary · 27/12/2025 18:41

if I said something similar to my daughter, she would eat my face off. So I don't.

mamaE123456 · 27/12/2025 18:42

Gymnopedie · 26/12/2025 00:33

I get that you are busy, but surely a quick text when you wake up only takes seconds.

takes seconds

Well if it only takes seconds why does the DM not do it?

She won’t be able to text her if something has happened to her and has collapsed. This is just awful. I can’t believe you can’t spend 20 seconds to text your mum once a day. I’m speechless reading all these comments. You clearly aren’t close to your mum.

Woodfiresareamazing · 27/12/2025 18:45

MatildaTheCat · 26/12/2025 12:49

@MenopausalMrs my DM is 85 and alone since DF died in 2020. She has lost some confidence in the last couple of years and about a year ago she mentioned that she was afraid of dying and lying unfound. So I immediately said just ping me a message each morning and I’ll reply and if I don’t hear from you I’ll call someone to check on you.

since then she pings me some mundane little message at about 8.30 and I reply or just send an emoji. It takes very little time indeed and makes her feel less alone. Would you be willing to do that? If you suggest this and she refuses then she’s unreasonable. If she agrees then do it. It’s not difficult.

OP did suggest this. Her DM said this was not acceptable. So 🤷‍♂️

tiv2020 · 27/12/2025 18:47

How is there not an app that does this?
Like, you have to set it so that if you do not open it every (insert the timing that fits your health anxiety) it (alerts number so and so, sends a message to the police, etc).
How is there not?
I could have written the same as the OP, my mom is a widow and asked me to do the same. I was looking at doing it for upwards of 20 years given she has no condition and her own mother lived to past 90. I said no thanks. And was actually planning to research an app because there is bound to be one?

Doubledenim305 · 27/12/2025 18:48

MrsPositivity1 · 27/12/2025 18:41

My uncle who lived on his own texted me everyday a 9am just saying ok. I texted a thumbs up back to him. He didn’t do it on mine day at start of November and when I called, I found him dead in his chair.

He often told me he felt so reassured knowing someone was looking out for him.

This is such a small thing I surprised you wouldn’t do it.

HE texted HER....there is a world of difference and what OP originally suggested as a workable solution. This was turned down by the DM. That's why DM is being unreasonable.

Growlybear83 · 27/12/2025 18:49

Hopingtobeaparent · 27/12/2025 18:37

Because OP’s mother is insisting the OP does the check in, and each morning. It’s just not realistic for the OP, however, OP’s mother is now telling the OP how unreasonable the OP is being rather than coming up with a workable compromise. The OP’s mother is fishing for attention, putting demands on the OP, rather than addressing her own loneliness.

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The OP’s mum shouldn’t have to insist on daily texts - it’s something that the OP should be making time to do without being asked. While mornings might be hectic, I don’t believe there is anyone who is so incredibly busy that they can’t find five minutes at some point in the day to make a quick phone call, let alone 20 seconds to send a text message, to make sure that someone who has brought them into the world, looked after them throughout their childhood, and been involved in their adult life Is ok. No-one is that busy. I would be so ashamed of myself if I hadn’t made sure that I checked in on my Mum every day.

cockandbullstories · 27/12/2025 18:49

How old is she?

Notonthestairs · 27/12/2025 18:50

mamaE123456 · 27/12/2025 18:42

She won’t be able to text her if something has happened to her and has collapsed. This is just awful. I can’t believe you can’t spend 20 seconds to text your mum once a day. I’m speechless reading all these comments. You clearly aren’t close to your mum.

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You understand that if the Mum doesn’t text then the Op could ring emergency services?
So why doesn’t the Mum instigate the texts?
it’s the same outcome.

Screenager · 27/12/2025 18:50

It’s weird if it because she wants you to make sure she’s okay… surely a text from her saying ‘I’m okay’ each morning would be better

Notonthestairs · 27/12/2025 18:51

Screenager · 27/12/2025 18:50

It’s weird if it because she wants you to make sure she’s okay… surely a text from her saying ‘I’m okay’ each morning would be better

Exactly.

Doubledenim305 · 27/12/2025 18:51

mamaE123456 · 27/12/2025 18:42

She won’t be able to text her if something has happened to her and has collapsed. This is just awful. I can’t believe you can’t spend 20 seconds to text your mum once a day. I’m speechless reading all these comments. You clearly aren’t close to your mum.

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And you clearly aren't an overwhelmed single mum who doesn't need the pressure of another thing she isn't allowed to forget first thing in the morning.
I hear you OP. I think you are totally reasonable.
My mum was loving and helpful and kind. But she didn't dance to my tune. She helped me in a way that was workable for her. And you should help her in a way that you can manage.

AutumnsDad · 27/12/2025 18:51

My mother has some health issues, she is quite elderly, and lives alone.

I ask her to whstsapp me morning and evening. Yes I am busy but it is mainly because it is an affirmation she is OK and able to make contact. Only if she misses a message do I contact her or ask a neighbour to pop round.

If you can spin it that way hopefully it will ease the tension.

Purpledreamer17 · 27/12/2025 18:55

Could you text maybe in the evenings instead? I know it's not like checking your mum has survived the night, but it IS checking that she's survived the day. I also think this depends on a lot of things, such as your mum's age? My daughter and I message most days, it's not something I've asked for, it just happens. She lives a couple of counties away from me, so I don't see her as often as we'd both like. I think if I were on my own she would definitely check on me daily.

NavyBee · 27/12/2025 18:59

Seems like expectations vary a lot between families! I think it’s a bit unreasonable that she won’t text you. Why not? However when my MIL was confronted with getting older, living alone she organised that she and a close friend would have a phone call every morning (I think her friend was the one who normally rang but if she didn’t ring by a certain time my MIL would ring her). This suited both of them. Had either been unable to contact the other they then had the number of someone who could go round and physically check the other was OK. Mind you she had/has a better understanding of busy lives and tends not to make demands on family members ( even when she should). These days my DH rings her every day (since Covid and lockdowns) and she’s now in a granny flat attached to my BILs house. But she is 92 and almost blind.

Lovingmynewlifestyle · 27/12/2025 19:02

My dad died in 2016. I contact my mum every morning, my sister covers the afternoon and my brother the evening. Her friend group send a WhatsApp to say they are OK.
It gives my mum comfort and us too. It is not a long conversation every day but a check in.

Alexa is also set up to make emergency phone calls to us. Looking at other safety features as my mum moves into her 80’s

EDIT I now work part time and my children are now 17 / 20. When I started this they were 7 and 10 and I worked.

MrsJeanLuc · 27/12/2025 19:02

Tink3rbell30 · 26/12/2025 00:04

I ring my DM every morning (well and DF as they are together in the same house). Just a little check in, they appreciate it. A text would be even quicker so I don't see the issue.

Wow!
Do you have children to get to school? Do you work full-time? Or do you have plenty of time on your hands?

YellowPixie · 27/12/2025 19:04

tiv2020 · 27/12/2025 18:47

How is there not an app that does this?
Like, you have to set it so that if you do not open it every (insert the timing that fits your health anxiety) it (alerts number so and so, sends a message to the police, etc).
How is there not?
I could have written the same as the OP, my mom is a widow and asked me to do the same. I was looking at doing it for upwards of 20 years given she has no condition and her own mother lived to past 90. I said no thanks. And was actually planning to research an app because there is bound to be one?

The kettle companion someone posted upthread is like this - it's linked to the person's kettle and sends a notification to a unit in another home when the kettle is switched on. It's a genius idea.

Atsocta · 27/12/2025 19:05

Not a lot of effort needed to send a text for goodness sake, write out just checking your ok Mum, Then copy and paste every day, when she replies she’s ok , reply with a thumbs up 👍 take a minute at the most …surly you can spare one minute for your mother 🙄

Badger23 · 27/12/2025 19:05

My mum died this year. I would do anything to be able to text her every morning. It would take you literally seconds just to check in on her in the morning. Sounds like she would appreciate it a lot

Britinme · 27/12/2025 19:05

I call my three adult children once a week, usually Sunday, and don’t get wound up if they are busy - but I still have my 83 year old husband with me. If I was on my own I’d probably want to speak or text more often as DS2 is 300 miles away and DS1 and DD are on the other side of the Atlantic. But I’d be more inclined to make that effort myself as all of them lead far busier lives than mine.

Rednotdead · 27/12/2025 19:07

Can you maybe compromise and send her a WhatsApp in the evening when you watching a bit of tv? I understand that mornings a be a bit full on, but perhaps five minutes each evening, after the kids have gone to bed?

MrsJeanLuc · 27/12/2025 19:08

SmileyMoonset · 26/12/2025 00:18

I understand why you feel like this is another entirely unnecessary thing to add to your already busy day, I also understand my your Mum might want/need this.

A widowed friend of my parents died last year and wasn’t found for nearly a week. It was very upsetting and my Mum found the thought particularly frightening.

Both my parents are fairly healthy but when the time comes that one of them is alone I know I’ll be checking in at some point every day. My DH certainly speaks to my MIL every day.

Could you compromise - make check in time at lunchtime ? Or have her text you every morning, so you know she’s ok and then you reply.

OMG where do people find time for this stuff?

My father died in 1988. And NO I have NOT been phoning my mum every day since then - she would find that incredibly intrusive!.

@MenopausalMrs is your mum very elderly? Have worrying health conditions? Maybe get her a medical alarm bracelet if she is worried about falling or being ill.
Don't fall into the trap of asking her to text you - you'll be on the hook for the first time she forgets and you don't go running round to her house to check on her.

Silverfoxette · 27/12/2025 19:11

I think people forget as they grow older, what the busyness of life is like with kids, I think if she could just be happy with a quick text at any point in the day it wouldn’t be so bad and I think that would be fair enough; in any household with children, morning and evening are going to be the worst times as far as rushing around

YellowPixie · 27/12/2025 19:11

Atsocta · 27/12/2025 19:05

Not a lot of effort needed to send a text for goodness sake, write out just checking your ok Mum, Then copy and paste every day, when she replies she’s ok , reply with a thumbs up 👍 take a minute at the most …surly you can spare one minute for your mother 🙄

Stop it with the guilt tripping. Oh you can spare a minute, I would do it because actually love my mother, my mother raised me - and all the rest of it.

It's "just a minute" until the OP's mum drops the phone down the side of the sofa and the battery runs down, then OP is up to high doh thinking mother has carked it overnight.

Ariana12 · 27/12/2025 19:12

This is one where families HUGELY differ. We def dont text each other more than once or so a week. And sometimes we don't answer the same day. I know lots of people who speak to their parents/children every day. So we're all different. Your mum seems to have become more anxious but I honestly cant see the point of you texting her. As lots of others have said, what if she doesn't reply? Maybe she could text you instead? And agree what happens if she doesn't?