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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming that DH has spent the whole day on his laptop?

364 replies

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:41

DH has spent the whole day on his laptop “working” in his home office and he hasn’t even seen me and the DC all day! He was up at 5am (the kids woke up at 6am) and he is still in his home office “working” now so we haven’t seen him all day! He even refused Christmas dinner as he said he was “too busy working”. DH does a senior office based job and he wasn’t meant to be working at all over Christmas but he is saying he apparently has to work today “because it’s urgent”! It’s Christmas Day and we haven’t seen him all day and DH can’t see the problem with this! The kids are really upset about it too! AIBU to be livid with DH over this? DH literally doesn’t see the problem but I’m fuming and the kids are upset too!

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/12/2025 12:03

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 11:47

For US clients, yes, quite possible! I haven't personally gone to such extremes, but have done similar. I don't think it's fair to assume he's having an affair or just avoiding the family, although OP might be along to give us more clues.

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Don't be ridiculous. Nobody spends the whole of Christmas Day working as a result of some unexpected crisis without finding 30 seconds to tell their partner or whoever they were going to spend the day with that that's no longer possible, and apologising profusely.

Bottlesofrumonthewall · 26/12/2025 12:06

He’s a character. What a funny way to get out of Christmas

Grammarninja · 26/12/2025 12:08

Could there be a huge, terrifying problem like in 'It's A Wonderful Life'?

somanychristmaslights · 26/12/2025 12:08

I hope you have given him what for this morning and he’s apologising profusely. What a knob. I assume this isn’t a one off? Those poor kids have had an unstable home life and now have to live like this.

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 26/12/2025 12:16

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 11:47

For US clients, yes, quite possible! I haven't personally gone to such extremes, but have done similar. I don't think it's fair to assume he's having an affair or just avoiding the family, although OP might be along to give us more clues.

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No company with a business this important springs it on people at the last minute that they are in the hot seat.

Fiftyand · 26/12/2025 12:18

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:53

The DC are foster children and are 18 months, 4 years old, 9 years old and 11 years old.

The fact you have 4 foster children and he hasn’t been with them at all on Christmas Day is a massive red flag. Speak to their social worker about it and see what she says.
FWIW I’d bet money he is having an affair and has been online with her all day.
Either way this is totally unacceptable there is literally NO job that has needed him to be working all day.

Piknik · 26/12/2025 12:25

Affair
Porn
Gambling

Definitely not work.

Itsgottobeme · 26/12/2025 12:25

Foster kids will be feeling even more rejected,unloved, uncertian and unsafe. Exactly the opposite of what theu should be getting in placement. Overthinking how they will react is needed with foster kids. Rushing them out the room and a foster dad not wanting to be with them plus seeing the upset in ylu(they be more intunes) is everything they dont need. You need to remind him of this pronto.

ABoldSubmission · 26/12/2025 12:26

I doubt the OP is coming back.

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 12:35

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 26/12/2025 12:16

No company with a business this important springs it on people at the last minute that they are in the hot seat.

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Ha!

But I take the point that he could/should have explained his situation...

pansyshell · 26/12/2025 12:36

I'm thinking more and more this is a troll post as the OP hasn't come back. Or equally likely the husband had a valid explanation for his actions.

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 26/12/2025 12:39

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 12:35

Ha!

But I take the point that he could/should have explained his situation...

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I mean, without it being an explicit possibility and a roster that the DH should have discussed with his wife beforehand.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 26/12/2025 12:43

Summerhut2025 · 25/12/2025 21:42

Don’t believe that for one minute. Doing this to his children today is just plain abusive and unforgivable, this will be scarring them for life. Get in there and tell him to come out and show some love for his children or leave and sleep somewhere else. If he won’t leave, call the police to have him removed. And yeah pulling out the router and hiding it in your car is def an option also!
No one in the office or corporate world works today, there is something seriously amiss with what he is saying to you. Sorry OP

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They're not his children, they're foster children that he may or may not have particularly wanted in his home.
If it's the latter then he's clearly hiding away, probably watching a streaming service in peace.

wombat1a · 26/12/2025 12:47

Yesterday was the 1st Christmas Day off I have had for 15 years. We used to store up work for Christmas day/Boxing day so we could get it done while the office was empty. If we did it on a normal working day or weekend then it stopped to many others from working while we did the work.

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 12:48

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:51

I did go in to his home office at one point and he rushed me and the kids out saying we were disturbing him on a teams call/meeting with a colleague.

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we don't know what job he's doing, how can we guess if he's unreasonable or not? Some people DO have to work on Christmas day, even office based.

People can project as much as they want, how can anyone know if he's playing online poker because he's addicted or doesn't want to be involved in fostering, or actually working because someone needs to pay the bills?

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 26/12/2025 12:50

EddyNeddy · 25/12/2025 21:39

There are all sorts of senior-level jobs where something can go wrong at the worst possible time and it’s all hands on deck to get it sorted. Particularly client-facing industries where there is the risk of huge reputational damage if an aspect of the client’s account has inadvertently been mishandled. Plus, it being Christmas Day means that the seniors really are on the hook to get it resolved themselves - they don’t want to disturb the Christmases of more junior colleagues who aren’t being paid enough to justify that level of disruption.

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This is way not as important as you think it is, and even if it is so very important (🙄) you'd at least be able to explain the emergency to your loved ones. It literally takes seconds to talk to a person.

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 12:55

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 26/12/2025 12:50

This is way not as important as you think it is, and even if it is so very important (🙄) you'd at least be able to explain the emergency to your loved ones. It literally takes seconds to talk to a person.

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actually, the job and the emergency or non-emergency is literally the only relevant point here, so yes, it's important 😂

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 26/12/2025 13:00

IHateTheElf · 25/12/2025 23:17

I feel like I read the words home office about a thousand times in this thread.

Surely everyone has a home office, don'tchaknow!

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 26/12/2025 13:03

Radiosn · 25/12/2025 23:46

He clearly doesn't want to be around children that are not his.
Awful behaviour.
How come you are fostering so many children if your husband has zero interest?
What a horrible message to send vulnerable children.

There are only four and they might be siblings.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 26/12/2025 13:04

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 00:14

The Op needs to report her reply stating the children's ages, could be very outing to a social worker / teacher etc. Possibly even the birth parents assuming all the children are from one family.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 13:07

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 26/12/2025 12:39

I mean, without it being an explicit possibility and a roster that the DH should have discussed with his wife beforehand.

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It really does depend on the type of work, though. Not all work is planned with rosters. In my own field, it's not unknown for projects to bottleneck unexpectedly despite careful planning (e.g. client suddenly yanking the chain after weeks of inaction), and you may find that you're the only person with sufficiently close involvement to see things through to completion.

Daygloboo · 26/12/2025 13:11

Nopersbro · 26/12/2025 01:24

My first thought was espionage, too - thinking of how in The Americans, Stan first figured out that Elizabeth and Philip were deep cover KGB agents because they claimed they had to go on a business trip on Thanksgiving Day, leaving their children behind.

Seriously, imagine that he somehow really DID, completely unexpectedly, have to work from 5AM to 9PM or later on Christmas Day. How could he NOT understand that his wife and young children would be disappointed by this? And how could he NOT find ten minutes to explain what he knows about the situation and let his wife, at least, get a better idea of what to expect so that she can regulate the situation a bit for this children? I call shenanigans.

But do ppl really do security / espionage from home. Thats a bit risky isnt it.

PuppyMonkey · 26/12/2025 13:15

I think the drip feed will be the OP’s husband is Santa Claus.

Imdunfer · 26/12/2025 13:17

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 12:48

we don't know what job he's doing, how can we guess if he's unreasonable or not? Some people DO have to work on Christmas day, even office based.

People can project as much as they want, how can anyone know if he's playing online poker because he's addicted or doesn't want to be involved in fostering, or actually working because someone needs to pay the bills?

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Oh we know he's unreasonable.

There is zero excuse for not explaining to his wife and the foster children why he can't be with with them for Christmas day and apologise for his absence.

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 13:18

Imdunfer · 26/12/2025 13:17

Oh we know he's unreasonable.

There is zero excuse for not explaining to his wife and the foster children why he can't be with with them for Christmas day and apologise for his absence.

Edited
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I know it's MN and you know because he's a man, we got that don't worry 😂

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