To be fuming that DH has spent the whole day on his laptop?

[MamaOnTheCoast]

DH has spent the whole day on his laptop “working” in his home office and he hasn’t even seen me and the DC all day! He was up at 5am (the kids woke up at 6am) and he is still in his home office “working” now so we haven’t seen him all day! He even refused Christmas dinner as he said he was “too busy working”. DH does a senior office based job and he wasn’t meant to be working at all over Christmas but he is saying he apparently has to work today “because it’s urgent”! It’s Christmas Day and we haven’t seen him all day and DH can’t see the problem with this! The kids are really upset about it too! AIBU to be livid with DH over this? DH literally doesn’t see the problem but I’m fuming and the kids are upset too!

I would be checking that Teams call log today, and if there was one snifter of lies, he wouldn’t like the conversation afterwards.
The lack of respect is breathtaking.

Who is he on Teams with? I suspect that he is either having an affair or doing something dodgy/covering something dodgy up. Does he work for a Middle Eastern company?

Not work. No way.

Is he balls. 🙄

Let’s call a spade a spade: this man is bloody awful. Lazy, contemptuous, disrespectful, and a big fat liar.

I find this a bit odd. Do you always do as you're told? You are not a child! Who is he to tell you not to disturb him? I hope you demanded an explanation at some point but either way that would be it for me. It may have been genuinely urgent but if it was he would have explained it to his family.I hope you had some fun with your children and ignored the useless father figure.

I’m guessing that it is, to be honest.

When was the last time the OP made an appearance on the thread?

Treat him like an addicted person. He needs an intervention. Perhaps a solicitor's letter detailing his abusive and unreasonable behaviour. I notice you are foster parents- If social services got wind of his unreasonable behaviour they would have a poor view- hardly encourages family life, love and stability.

Have you lot not considered that perhaps the home office is under a mysterious Christmas spell where anyone who enters is unable to leave not even for food, and now OP herself is in there, trapped for eternity alongside her poor DH?

OP he has to be having an affair. He was not on teams call with work on Christmas day

So when you were involved in your emergency situation did you act like a complete arsehole to your family? Ignored the kids and pushed your partner out of the room without any explanation?

Its not the work situation itself - whatever it was - its his attitude. That is what made me say he checked out.

This is really strange. No company I know of would
allow or expect staff to work a 12 hour day on Christmas Day. Maybe he’s messed up at work in some way and is trying to cover it all or it’s simply not true.

Why would he be locked in a room for over 12 hours (and on a Teams call with her) if he was having an affair.
I'm pretty sure even the OW would tell him to do one after a couple of hours 😅.
Can people not think logically?
If this story is true (doubtful right now):
If there's a crisis in work YES other people will also be working so a Teams call is not unlikely.
If I was on a Teams call and dh and ds just wandered in I would shoo them out.
It doesn't however explain why someone wouldn't take short breaks for food, drinks and toilet.
The LEAST likely scenario is an affair!

I'm a military brat and very occasionally my DF would be on call on Christmas Day if there was heightened security but it wasn't as long as your DH has been hiding away. He was still very present for the whole day.

I don't think your DH was working.

This or.....he has a whole other life that is trying to stay in touch with at the expense of his original relationship.

I would be done with the marriage over this. It could not be a bigger finger up.

What does the browsing history or teams log say? When he shooed people out was he wearing ear pods/headphones? Could he be heard talking?. Is he organising peace in the Middle East or is he a Bond villain bringing down the social order? Really we know he isn't working.

Hmm, a call with another woman perhaps?

I've worked over Christmas. I did fifteen Xmas days in a row in the 90's /Noughties but it was being on call so all it meant was Shloer and a mincer rather than wine.

This stinks OP and it would have me snooping my face off!

I think the next Bond film should feature a villain trying to bring down social order from the spare bedroom, while his four foster children open their Christmas presents downstairs and wait for him to carve the turkey 😉

I'm in IT and have had to work Christmas but we were allowed to step away for a few hours as needed.

Surely you didn’t just go away though? If someone tried to shoo me out of a room in my own house he’d be told to fuck off! (Unless it was something silly like wrapping presents or something!)

was it largely you who wanted to do the fostering OP and not him?

I've been in situations where I have to work hard through Xmas, for reasons beyond my control. I'm amazed that PPs are assuming the worst of him. Something has to pay for it all!

Some jobs do involve Christmas working, but you keep it to a minimum and keep family informed if it goes on longer than planned. My parents were livestock farmers so obviously always had to work on Christmas day. When we were children they planned it meticulously to ensure it was kept to essential work only. However, sometimes the wheels came off and unexpected work came up - sick animals, escaped animals, bad weather (i remember more than one Christmas day trying to unfreeze outside water drinking tanks with kettles of boiling water.)

But crucially we all pulled together and some sort of family Christmas was had - even if it was sandwiches and cake in the late evening.

Even if there was an emergency at work, assuming the OP's husband works within an industry, where this is feasible, and yes there are some! He's had a few minutes to tell his wife, what is going on and how long he'll be. He has foster children, who, we must assume have potentially had a rough start in life, so to just leave them without explanation on Christmas Day, and to shut yourself away ALL day is dreadful behaviour. I don't think it's an affair, no one is going to be on a call or Facetime (or similar) to an OW all day, that's not realistic. However, he could have checked out of family life, and there being a work emergency could very well be lie. Only the OP knows what industry her husband works in, and if this kind of emergency is possible.

Hes not working.

I hope you handed him his arse. I’m senior in tech, I’ve never had to work a Christmas Day.