Page 11 | Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

Bestreached · 2025-12-24T20:40:08+00:00

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day! I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!! So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

Idionus · 26/12/2025 10:13

DappledThings · 26/12/2025 10:05

Requesting not to receive presents is literally the only thing I make any request about at Christmas. I don't have any opinion on what is eaten or when or where we sleep or what activities people want to do or play or watch or anything else. I accommodate everyone else's requests about any of it cheerfully.

I refuse to accept that my one tiny request to just not be given anything amongst all the other things people have their own (strong) opinions about is unreasonable.

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You are unreasonable to think your flexibility on everything else builds you up any credit. Other people don't know that you've done that - they are not aware of how much you think you're being accommodating with everything - you're hearing your own narration, no on else is. Your not minding where you sleep is another person's hosting, not caring what you eat is someone else's decision-making and maybe cooking. It's not as inconsequential as you think.

They also don't know you're doing it cheerfully. You're inside your head, not them.

Owly11 · 26/12/2025 10:15

DappledThings · 26/12/2025 10:05

Requesting not to receive presents is literally the only thing I make any request about at Christmas. I don't have any opinion on what is eaten or when or where we sleep or what activities people want to do or play or watch or anything else. I accommodate everyone else's requests about any of it cheerfully.

I refuse to accept that my one tiny request to just not be given anything amongst all the other things people have their own (strong) opinions about is unreasonable.

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I didn't say it was an unreasonable request, but i do think it is unreasonable to get upset about people not complying with your request. People are allowed to say no to any request. This doesn't of course apply to your partner where discussing and negotiating requests is a reasonable expectation within that relationship.

Needmorelego · 26/12/2025 10:16

@Bestreached I am going to be honest....but you sound really stubborn and it just feels like you want to "hate" your gifts whatever they were.
Next year if you know you will get gifts (regardless of what you say) just tell people EXACTLY what you know you will use.
So what if you can buy it yourself. If someone is going to buy you something then at least get them to buy something useful.
Merry Christmas 🎄🙂

DappledThings · 26/12/2025 10:18

Idionus · 26/12/2025 10:13

You are unreasonable to think your flexibility on everything else builds you up any credit. Other people don't know that you've done that - they are not aware of how much you think you're being accommodating with everything - you're hearing your own narration, no on else is. Your not minding where you sleep is another person's hosting, not caring what you eat is someone else's decision-making and maybe cooking. It's not as inconsequential as you think.

They also don't know you're doing it cheerfully. You're inside your head, not them.

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Fair enough. Well if anyone did buy me something (which they don't because none of my friends or family are selfish dicks who care more about their own box-ticking than my comfort) I would consider them rude and a bit stupid really.

It took a while of being explicit about explaining when I say I want nothing I don't mean "I don't want anything particular" I mean "I actively want nothing". So my friends and family get me what I want which is what most decent people try to do.

Rivertrudge · 26/12/2025 10:21

The trouble is, a lot of people say "Ah I said I didn't want anything! You really shouldn't have!" but are still pleased when someone gives them something anyway.

phoenixrosehere · 26/12/2025 10:27

Owly11 · 26/12/2025 09:34

Why not just politely accept the gift and either use, regift or take to the charity shop in order to go with the flow and not make it all about you?

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Again. That goes both ways!

Why is that so difficult to comprehend?

Why does the giver’s desperate want to buy something for someone who has repeatedly said they don’t want anything instead of respecting their wishes trump the receiver’s want not to receive anything?

Can you really not acknowledge how dismissive it is for people to ignore your boundaries?

Someone is telling you they don’t want anything and you keep pressuring them to say yes, buying something anyway and even call them ungrateful for not accepting it despite their repeated answer!

This would not be accepted in other situations yet because “it’s Christmas” it should be to make others happy.

How is that all right to some of you?

Booksandwine80 · 26/12/2025 10:34

Bestreached · 26/12/2025 09:51

I got two board games and a t-shirt, as well as a box of chocolates. Obviously I said thanks and was nice, but also said 'Ah I said I didn't want anything! You really shouldn't have!' And I meant it!

Look, it is lovely that I received things. I appreciate that plenty of people get nothing, and that at some point my name and face must have crossed people's minds. But if it really is the thought that counts then they must have thought 'Well, she's said she wants nothing. But I am going to ignore that and get her these random things.' So not actually that nice a thought.

I will take the chocs to work next week. The other things will go to the charity shop if I get the chance, or else in the bin. Total waste of time, money and resources. I have enough t-shirts and games. I don't want or need more, or these particular ones.

I also have an advent calendar here, still in its cellophane wrapper, if anyone's interested. Lindt so not bad! Someone was shocked when they saw that yesterday. I was like 'I said I didn't want one. Then I got given one anyway. Did people think I was lying?' Apparently they did.

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Putting it in the bin is adding to the waste issue though isn’t it? You’re obviously not that bothered and are just a shitty person

Original poster

Bestreached · 26/12/2025 10:41

Booksandwine80 · 26/12/2025 10:34

Putting it in the bin is adding to the waste issue though isn’t it? You’re obviously not that bothered and are just a shitty person

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Merry Christmas!

OP posts:

phoenixrosehere · 26/12/2025 10:43

Booksandwine80 · 26/12/2025 10:34

Putting it in the bin is adding to the waste issue though isn’t it? You’re obviously not that bothered and are just a shitty person

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So was buying it in the first place.

Imbrocator · 26/12/2025 10:44

Bestreached · 26/12/2025 09:51

I got two board games and a t-shirt, as well as a box of chocolates. Obviously I said thanks and was nice, but also said 'Ah I said I didn't want anything! You really shouldn't have!' And I meant it!

Look, it is lovely that I received things. I appreciate that plenty of people get nothing, and that at some point my name and face must have crossed people's minds. But if it really is the thought that counts then they must have thought 'Well, she's said she wants nothing. But I am going to ignore that and get her these random things.' So not actually that nice a thought.

I will take the chocs to work next week. The other things will go to the charity shop if I get the chance, or else in the bin. Total waste of time, money and resources. I have enough t-shirts and games. I don't want or need more, or these particular ones.

I also have an advent calendar here, still in its cellophane wrapper, if anyone's interested. Lindt so not bad! Someone was shocked when they saw that yesterday. I was like 'I said I didn't want one. Then I got given one anyway. Did people think I was lying?' Apparently they did.

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You need to consider telling your family in a much, much more blunt way that you don’t want gifts. For lots of people “You really shouldn’t have” is code for “but I’m pleased you did.”

Owly11 · 26/12/2025 10:55

phoenixrosehere · 26/12/2025 10:27

Again. That goes both ways!

Why is that so difficult to comprehend?

Why does the giver’s desperate want to buy something for someone who has repeatedly said they don’t want anything instead of respecting their wishes trump the receiver’s want not to receive anything?

Can you really not acknowledge how dismissive it is for people to ignore your boundaries?

Someone is telling you they don’t want anything and you keep pressuring them to say yes, buying something anyway and even call them ungrateful for not accepting it despite their repeated answer!

This would not be accepted in other situations yet because “it’s Christmas” it should be to make others happy.

How is that all right to some of you?

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It's simple really. You can't stop someone buying you something but if you have asked people not to and they keep buying you a gift, next time when they give you a gift don't put your hand out to take it and say 'no thank you for the thought but i don't wish to receive a gift'. Then walk away and don't engage.

Idionus · 26/12/2025 11:09

phoenixrosehere · 26/12/2025 10:27

Again. That goes both ways!

Why is that so difficult to comprehend?

Why does the giver’s desperate want to buy something for someone who has repeatedly said they don’t want anything instead of respecting their wishes trump the receiver’s want not to receive anything?

Can you really not acknowledge how dismissive it is for people to ignore your boundaries?

Someone is telling you they don’t want anything and you keep pressuring them to say yes, buying something anyway and even call them ungrateful for not accepting it despite their repeated answer!

This would not be accepted in other situations yet because “it’s Christmas” it should be to make others happy.

How is that all right to some of you?

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It doesn't go both ways equally - that's the fallacy in your argument.

It's easy to claim it's the same for both sides but your request IS going against social convention, and it IS a reaction to it that's a bit extreme: you're not just annoyed, you're 'stressed out' - not a normal reaction to something that isn't really a big deal. And so, the lion's share of dealing with that reaction is yours, not something to be equally shared. Unless you want everyone else's quirks to be your responsibility to navigate perfectly.

romdowa · 26/12/2025 11:09

I can actually see your point. I dislike exchanging gifts for 2 reasons , 1. That buying gifts for people stresses me out 2. People usually buy me crap I dont like, one of my closest friends buys me silver jewellery every time, I do not wear silver, all my jewellery is gold, one year she bought me a star of david (im not jewish) but I thank her for her gifts because as much as I dislike all this , I would hate to hurt her feelings .

ladyamy · 26/12/2025 11:10

You sound lovely

Tink3rbell30 · 26/12/2025 11:15

Don't bin clothes/games, charity shop always!

DappledThings · 26/12/2025 11:18

Idionus · 26/12/2025 11:09

It doesn't go both ways equally - that's the fallacy in your argument.

It's easy to claim it's the same for both sides but your request IS going against social convention, and it IS a reaction to it that's a bit extreme: you're not just annoyed, you're 'stressed out' - not a normal reaction to something that isn't really a big deal. And so, the lion's share of dealing with that reaction is yours, not something to be equally shared. Unless you want everyone else's quirks to be your responsibility to navigate perfectly.

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Lots of things go against social convention at Christmas. Some people are very hung up on the timings or content of meals. People have very different ideas of what is appropriate for presents, especially for children and how they are delivered (all from Santa, only small stockings, all delivered by Santa but not all from him and other combinations etc) and where families are meeting up these have to be negotiated.

Lots of people also set a budget and provide a list of what they want from that budget. So it becomes entirely transactional and pointless but if that's what they want I'd happily go with it. My budget and list just happens to be set at zero. It's still an exchange, you're giving me what I want and I'm reciprocating.

JacobsCreamCrackered · 26/12/2025 11:20

Op I'm similar to you so you have my sympathy.

In future maybe suggest chocolate/booze and toiletries for yourself which can be eaten/used up if you know people will want to buy you gifts. It's better than saying nothing and then being gifted with things harder to get rid of, I tell people I really like Lush bath stuff. (True and it literally dissolves away)

I buy clothes, pyjamas and books, bath bombs for my child so it's not all toys (I do buy a couple of toys for him) but then have ended up with a house full of crap anyway from all our family. His bedroom is actually upsetting me today. I know i'm being unreasonable and ungrateful but it is.

Original poster

Bestreached · 26/12/2025 11:25

JacobsCreamCrackered · 26/12/2025 11:20

Op I'm similar to you so you have my sympathy.

In future maybe suggest chocolate/booze and toiletries for yourself which can be eaten/used up if you know people will want to buy you gifts. It's better than saying nothing and then being gifted with things harder to get rid of, I tell people I really like Lush bath stuff. (True and it literally dissolves away)

I buy clothes, pyjamas and books, bath bombs for my child so it's not all toys (I do buy a couple of toys for him) but then have ended up with a house full of crap anyway from all our family. His bedroom is actually upsetting me today. I know i'm being unreasonable and ungrateful but it is.

Next year I'm asking my parents for a Satisfyer. Honestly I think that's the only way they will stop.

OP posts:

JacobsCreamCrackered · 26/12/2025 11:29

Bestreached · 26/12/2025 11:25

Next year I'm asking my parents for a Satisfyer. Honestly I think that's the only way they will stop.

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🤣🤣🤣

Sartre · 26/12/2025 11:33

Well I went on Vinted this morning and my
feed was filled with unopened Christmas presents. It made me feel a bit sad to be honest, thinking of the people spending their cash thinking they’re doing something nice for someone only for it to end up on Vinted the same day.

Having said that, I understand. I had to put my foot down with MIL because for years she kept bringing bags and bags of total shit for DC and it was literally shit. A lot was from charity shops and wasn’t age appropriate or anything any of them have been into, some of it was really well used and a bit grubby too.

Last year she took the biscuit by getting this humongous ride on horse thing we had no room for at all. I made DH put it in the shed and she kept saying she’d come collect it to give to SIL but never did so we took it to the tip eventually. I think she’s learnt, this year everyone got maybe 1-2 shit pointless gifts but the others were useful.

So I get it because some people really don’t know how to buy presents. I asked my DH for 3 books and he got me 5 that weren’t the ones I requested…

paradisecircus · 26/12/2025 11:35

It'd drive me mad if I explicitly told people not to get me gifts and they still did. YANBU at all to take them to the charity shop or give them away.

Booksandwine80 · 26/12/2025 11:47

Bestreached · 26/12/2025 10:41

Merry Christmas!

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You too, many happy wishes for the season to you

Booksandwine80 · 26/12/2025 11:50

phoenixrosehere · 26/12/2025 10:43

So was buying it in the first place.

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I’ve been bought two bottles of wine that I won’t drink but I won’t be putting them in the bin 🙄they will be taken to a NYE party where I know 2 of my friends will drink it

Idionus · 26/12/2025 11:52

DappledThings · 26/12/2025 11:18

Lots of things go against social convention at Christmas. Some people are very hung up on the timings or content of meals. People have very different ideas of what is appropriate for presents, especially for children and how they are delivered (all from Santa, only small stockings, all delivered by Santa but not all from him and other combinations etc) and where families are meeting up these have to be negotiated.

Lots of people also set a budget and provide a list of what they want from that budget. So it becomes entirely transactional and pointless but if that's what they want I'd happily go with it. My budget and list just happens to be set at zero. It's still an exchange, you're giving me what I want and I'm reciprocating.

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All those things are negotiations made by a group. If the timing of the meal was very odd and dictated by one person and one person only then everyone else would be capitulating to them - not an equal exchange.

You're not wrong to continue to want nothing, you are however unreasonable to think that it's a level playing field.

DappledThings · 26/12/2025 11:54

Idionus · 26/12/2025 11:52

All those things are negotiations made by a group. If the timing of the meal was very odd and dictated by one person and one person only then everyone else would be capitulating to them - not an equal exchange.

You're not wrong to continue to want nothing, you are however unreasonable to think that it's a level playing field.

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An exchange of everyone asking what the other person wants and getting them that is a level playing field. One person's embarrassment about fulfilling that request and not buying something doesn't trump the other person's embarrassment about receiving. That's uneven.