Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

I was the one who accused you of sucking the joy out of everything. My comment was not about the gifts. I wish the madness would stop too, but I carry on playing the game.
But you voiced such anger over such a simple thing as a cup of tea being made for you. It's a nice little thing to do for you but you're almost throwing it back in their face!

Honestly, I think you should have a bit of class. Yes it's annoying, annoying things happen, accept you won't change it and move on?

I completely get you OP, I personally do like getting gifts from my children, because it’s usually some kind of activity or day out that involves us all being together. But as for anything from anyone else, I’m the same as you, I don’t need anything, and what I do want I get it myself. I hate people spending their hard earned money on me needlessly, especially people who I know aren’t financially comfortable in the first place.

Have you considered the possibility that your position is so atypical and frankly asocial to the point of misanthropy that these annoying givers simply don’t believe you?
It’s possible - especially if they lack the intelligence to understand that others’ opinions may be valid despite being way outside their usual experience - that this is the case.
But is it really so bad? Unless the gifts really are ‘crap’ (like useless plastic rubbish, cheap cosmetics, geegaws and the like) rather than the odd nice pack of biscuits, pot plant, or something equally neutral and inoffensive.

They are buying you gifts because you buy them gifts. That’s how it works. If you don’t want them to buy you anything tell them you want to stop the gift buying completely between you. Or tell them what you would like from them. Ask them for something you would buy yourself any way and then give the money saved to a charity. If you don’t tell them what you would like how will they know?

I’ve said this for years, I’d rather have nothing than something I don’t want. I hate the waste. Waste of time shopping for it, waste of money, and the resentment at me having to say thank you and then having to get rid of it.
Ive told DH many, many times that I don’t want anything and my request gets blatantly ignored.

@Bestreached - if this is all you have to moan about then give you head a shake & think of the many people who have real problems.

There is no need to be nasty.

Do you never moan about anything unless it is a huge issue?

I really want to know what these useless gifts were! There was nothing in the whole pile you might possibly want?

I feel your pain, OP.

Every year, around Autumn time, I find a way of stressing to my MIL how I never use a paper diary, just the calendar on my phone and a paper calendar that hangs in the kitchen. She knows this. She's seen us all get our phones out to add family events to our phone calendars. I mention from time to time how handy it is to have all this on my phone, and how it reminds me about appts so I don't even have to remember to check.

Every year, without fail, she gets me a hardback National Trust diary, among other things. Would a charity shop actually want a 2nd hand diary?

This year, the "other things" include a book I've already read (and that we've discussed), some liquer chocolates 😖and some biscuits that supposedly taste like Christmas pudding.

One of my SILs gives me red wine most years. We've discussed, on more than one occasion, how we both find red wine a bad migraine trigger. I suspect it's a regift. This year, I regifted a Moselle wine someone else brought to a party I had to SIL, as it's far too sweet for me (and probably for her, too). I expect I'll get that back next year!

At least another SIL remembered that Occitane is the only brand of scented shower stuff I can use without getting sore, itchy skin and bought me their body lotion and shower gel. It's lovely, but I'd be just as happy using Sanex.

I've tried saying that the only thing I would really like is book tokens or Waterstones tokens, but it falls on deaf ears. Next year, I'm going to try and opt out of both getting and giving gifts altogether.

Not at this time of year. I try to count my blessings.

So you do have a moan? Then it is fine for others to as well regardless of the time of the year.

Out of interest what were the presents?

I have reached a point where I don’t need or want any more clutter. But, I’d never hurt people by telling them I don’t want their gifts. Other than my partner, they have all been told that I have no room to put a lot of stuff.

I just ask for gift vouchers from a set selection of shops/outlets. Of whatever amount they choose.

That way, I can use them all year on things I do want and need. Clothes, household, whatever.

Sorted, without stress. 👍

Why shouldn't they satisfy a need in themselves?

I thankfully received very little and what gifts I did get are food related that I can use up with family to enjoy too. Merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 ❤️

Soo what horrible presents did you get this morning?

I like gifts, but can 100% sympathise. People like giving, sometimes more than they like doing what the other person has requested they do. It’s really stressful having to get rid of unwanted gifts - I feel tremendous guilt about it.

It sounds like you’ve been very clear, but for the avoidance of doubt, have you been as crystal clear as you’ve been in this thread? Have you said, no, I categorically don’t want any gifts, I’m not being modest, I genuinely don’t enjoy them, don’t get any for me, they make me unhappy, the best gift is not forcing me to deal with unwanted gifts each year? Lay it on thick. Send reminders throughout November/December that you don’t want them, here’s the link to the charity of my choice.

I agree this shouldn’t be necessary but for some reason people do find it hard to believe. If your friends/family still have the need to gift, ask them to get you a nice card with the receipt for their donation to charity in it. Still wasteful but at least it’s recyclable!

We did a secret santa for the adults this year. Used an online generator and you could choose 3 things for your gift list (linked to amazon and we put £50 limit. Means I am definately getting something I want which isnt tat and only have to buy one present (outside of hubby and kids). Highly recommend.

Why use another person who has been clear about not wanting gifts to satisfy their need of buying gifts in the first place?

They can satisfy their need by buying gifts for food banks, charities, women’s refuge, etc, Plenty of ways to satisfy their needs without completely disregarding someone else and making it out as a good thing when really it is disrespectful.

I haven't read the full thread but this seems to be quite a fashionable topic on MN this year. As such, I am sure you will get plenty of responses agreeing with you.
I suspect most of us oldies take more more of a view that it's not just about us, it's about the whole day for everyone.
By getting so het up about receiving gifts you are effectively making it all about you and attention seeking, whether you intend to or not
Go with the consensus is good advice for most occasions I find.

"I suspect most of us oldies take more more of a view that it's not just about us, it's about the whole day for everyone."

As well as the irritating hint here that standards have declined, there is the oft-seen blind spot about what counts as a valid opinion.

If it's not just about you, don't give me a gift. Since I have told you quite clearly that I don't want one, you giving me one makes it about you. It doesn't make it about 'the whole day for everyone' because I am part of 'everyone' and you are discounting my view.

How is me not wanting gifts 'making it all about me' whereas you ignoring me and buying me a gift not 'making it all about you'?

How is it about everyone if people continue to ignore those who say they don’t want gifts? People that ignore this do often have others to buy for, why is it an issue to have one less person to buy for?

Someone says they don’t want gifts, I take them at their word.

I don’t just ignore them because it’s a holiday.

People say that Christmas has gotten too materialistic while telling people they should be grateful for getting a gift and now attention-seeking to say you don’t want gifts to begin with.

Why force gifts upon people who don’t want them?

Why is the giver’s want to give gifts trump the receiver who doesn’t want them at all?

Because sometimes you have to put your own feelings aside for the sake of others. Gift giving is standard Christmas behaviour.
Refusing to accept gifts is performative and will make others feel awkward. It's not all about one person.