Husband decided he’s not coming to my family’s for Christmas just because he wants a day to himself at home.

[Puggymummy19]

Aibu to make him come?!
he says he can’t be bothered with the chaos, kids and just wants to be alone at home.
he’s not depressed or anything like this just being anti social.
would you care?
to add we only live round the corner, I said please just come for the dinner at least but won’t even do that

I would find this unacceptable. He is your partner he doesn’t get to duck out on a significant day of the year for ‘me time’ and leave everything to you. It’s so rude.

Unacceptable here too. Absolutely fine to say he needs a bit of time to himself. Absolutely fine if I were to say I need a bit of time to myself. Both of us have always done whatever we can to facilitate this for each other. But there are times it’s just not on and Christmas Day is one of them.

This ^
i would insist on him going for some time.

Im with your husband leave me at home, hope you all have a fab time but id rather sit alone, than with all the christmas faking chaos.

I assume you also don’t spend the full day with your kids on Xmas too then.

OP, did you at ANY point on the run up to Christmas, EVER ask him what he wanted to do? Or did you just assume he'd be happy to do what you wanted to do because you've decided it's what your daughter also loves?

I absolutely agree he's an ass for pulling out last minute, but my ExH was your DH at one point.. i have a larger family, my idea of xmas is everyone all together, and it always meant us having a rushed morning and dragging us all to theirs until late, then coming home, and never having time to just.. chill... understandably one year he just said 'not doing it'. He did what i wanted 9 years on the trot, and wanted one year in our house and not having to be dragged all over.

It's HIS christmas too.. why can't you have a year at home?

Is he a gamer ?

You should not be forcing anyone to go anywhere they don’t want to.
It’s called bodily autonomy.
If he needs a day alone at home, then it’s for his mental health.
Just let him do it.
It’s really sad that your #1 concern is what your family will think rather than him.

Tell him how disappointed your DD will be if he’s not there to see her gifts etc. He can go home for a snooze after he’s eaten — say he has a headache.
If he insists on staying home don’t provide an alternative festive meal. Baked beans on toast is sufficient

That’s such a childish low intellect response

Why asking a relevant question?

Most families I know don’t spend the day at a relative’s house.

That’s really rude - your family will surely feel disappointed? I have a BIL who ducks out of stuff and it makes the rest of us feel like he doesn’t enjoy our company, and it comes across as rude and standoffish.

Not to mention you and your kids presumably wanting to spend quality time together on Christmas Day.

Two things can be true at once. He’s clearly a man-child but at the same time it does sound lovely. But putting responsibility before what sounds lovely is adulting.

Let him stay home and next year he can plan, organise and execute a Christmas for you and your DC, may involve a hotel stay.

It's literally the one day in the year designated for seeing family.

Says who?

my family are very ND.. some of us love the big noise, others don't.

this year both my noise sensitive teens have opted out of the big xmas get together with my family and asked to spend the day at their dads.. and no-one is offended by that.

This need for everyone to be an extrovert and deal with massive noisy gatherings 'because it's christmas' and assuming people are weird/rude when they admit they don't want to is what is 'weird'

It's their christmas too, everyone should have the chance to spend it how they like at least every now and again.. the extrovert crowd lovers should have to be the ones to take a turn to suck it up once every few years.

Good for him! Nobody should have to spend time with people they don't like.

Ermm why would you assume that

I

I pressed send before I could reply but I agree

Whoa. He can’t do it for the sake of you and your child? What a Grinch.

If he insists on staying home don’t provide an alternative festive meal. Baked beans on toast is sufficient

Or he can make himself whatever meal he pleases from whatever food is available in his own house.

Trust me, a 60th birthday isn't special... most of us just ignore 😂

Id be telling him if he wants to carry on like that and opt out of family things then he needs to pack his bags and leave properly!