To Think this could be breaking point?

[Chefpig]

My mother has been with her husband for over 15 years now. There's been years of her putting him and his family first before her own family, as well as selfish behaviour.

This Christmas I have to stay home. I have always gone to hers apart from a few Christmases I spent with my ex and his family.

This Christmas her husband is working. I invited her to mine. I live 60 miles away and we don't drive so she'd have to stay the night. She stays often as I live by the sea. I'm never short of visitors usually. I'll be on my own, which she's aware of, but she's refusing as when her husband gets home he'll be on his own (from 7pm to bedtime which is around 9pm). Fair enough.

Today I unexpectedly experienced the death of someone very close. The day has gone by in a haze and I've been a mess tbh but I asked my mum if she'd come and stay seeing as I've had the bereavement and she has refused. She doesn't want to leave her husband alone for Christmas.

There's been years of selfish behaviour. Aibu to Think this should be the breaking point and the time I say no more to me not being a priority? I've seen no one today and will see no one tomorrow. It's fine as I chose to move away but I know if I had kids and they needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

How are you @Chefpig? Have been thinking of you whilst reading your thread.

Nice spot of casual stereotyping there 🙄

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable. Gosh, there are some cold fish on here and I wonder if they’re even parents at all!
Sorry for your loss

'There's not one person I'm a priority for' either but I've not thought about it that way. OH's priority has always been himself (and me only if it suits him), daughter and son both have their own families who obviously come first. I'm in my 70s however and used to coping and doing stuff so I really don't see not having this special support as an issue. OH and I rub along quite nicely and it's better than living on my own but we do most things separately. I see it that this resilience is part of adulting and actually makes me feel happier (and safer) than having to fall on someone else emotionally when the going gets tough. Your issue is not that your mother won't come to stay (if it's a strained relationship, would that help?) but that you actually haven't got the mother you'd like to have and there's not much you can do about that. I'm very sorry for your loss and your sadness, I hope you've managed to cope OK over Christmas and that you can get your head around the lack of support 💐

I spoke to my mum on the phone and she didn't ask once how I was.

That’s just rubbish, I’m sorry your mum behaves like this. She sounds like she’s had a compassion bypass where you’re concerned and that’s not right. Keep posting if it’s giving you comfort. Bereavement sucks especially at Christmas.
Sending love x