To refuse to let DD vape?

[CoastAndSand]

DD (16) wants to vape in her room. We have tried everything for 2 years to get her to stop vaping and she won’t so the rule so far has been no vaping in the house or garden.

DD has asked recently if she can vape in her room. DH thinks it’s fine as long as she has her window open but I don’t agree with him. AIBU? I’m not happy with DD vaping at all, let alone inside the house! What would you do?

A 100% no from me. No one smokes or vapes in our house or garden. I’ve zero tolerance.

vaping is worse than smoking. Theres no way I’d be encouraging this. I would say absolutely not and make it as difficult as possible to enable this. Hopefully she will see sense before it ruins her 16 year old lungs!

In my conversations with an undertaker recently she was speculating as to how quickly vaping would be banned as from her perspective she is seeing loads of young women dead with pulmonary embolism. It also leads to popcorn lung (totally incurable), retinal embolism leading to blindness. Why in god’s name is she doing this to herself. Literally better for her to smoke

Popcorn lung isn’t a thing from vaping, the chemical that causes it is banned here
cigarettes still contain it

Like PP, I’m amazed you are so passive. You don’t need medical or scientific training to know that inhaling chemicals is a bad idea, and even worse for a growing child.

I’m sorry OP, this is really poor parenting.

I agree. Vapes should never have been made available outside of pharmacies.

Say no and stop giving her money. The big problem here is her dad and you’ll never get anywhere enforcing it if he thinks it’s fine.

Vaping is no more pathetic than smoking or chewing nicotine gum/lozenges etc - its an addiction to nicotine no matter what way its delivered. People were told vaping was a way to quit smoking cigarettes and so switched over but sadly its then as hard or harder to then quit vaping. Its not pathetic, its addiction and a really hard one to quit. Its no more pathetic than being addicted to alcohol or food. So many people have to get a jab to stop their compulsion for eating to the point of obesity. People go to rehab for drug addiction or alcohol addiction and most people are encouraging and sympathetic to addicts.

Nicotine is a very addictive drug whether its vaped, smoked or chewed and its not something anyone should feel pathetic over.

I don’t want her to vape at all. It is DH who wants to let her vape in the house (in her room with the window open).

I dont think you will be able to stop her vaping but you can certainly ban it in your house to show you dont approve. At 16 its going to be hard to force her to stop, she will have to come to her own decision to stop & hopefully she does.

Has your DH explained why he thinks vaping is ok?

Vapes were supposed to be a tool to help quit smoking, not a habit in their own right.
I wouldn’t tolerate it in my house and I’d stop any pocket money if that was how she was financing it!

One of DH’s friends is a keen smoker, I saw him with a vape recently and asked if he was trying to quit - “no, this is just cheaper” was his reply.

Take all the vapes away…she is a child!

Vapes stink and the smell makes me feel sick.
i don’t let my adult son vape in the house but im sure he probablY does it in his own bedroom.

We tried this over a year ago and she just kept getting more.

Keep doing it. She won’t be able to buy them on Xmas day.
How does she have so much cash? I’d take her to GP for help with addiction

No judgement from me, op (except for your husband). Vaping is everywhere and it seems to me that most teens have either tried it or are doing it on a regular basis. It has basically replaced smoking among teens, but seems far more prolific.

No, i wouldn't tolerate it being used by my teen in my house. And I say this as a parent to a then 14yo who was doing it. I didn't fly off the handle, I didn't shout and punish. I spoke with him about his reason for doing it (addiction, peer pressure, to attract friends etc) and took it from there. I said I'd be an appalling parent to simply let him carry on, so we monitored his money really closely for a period of several months. We spoke about the risk to growing minds and bodies and found something to motivate him to stay off it - in his case he loves PE and is predicted to get the highest grade. He didn't want to jeopardise that.

Teens aren't known for clearly thinking through consequences, and often need it laying bare in front of them, together with taking a collaborative approach to stopping the behaviour and clear parameters around parental expectations. Op, you are right, but the mixed messages from your dh will be undermining your efforts. Your dd needs to be encouraged to talk to you while at the same time understanding your red lines.

DH says because he thinks she’ll do it anyway.

This.

Does he do any parenting at all?

Cut off her supply of money

I'm in the zero tolerance of all this group.

But one thing in relation to your quoted comment: she won't keep the window open, trust me on that. She'll promise all you like - but once you allow it, her door is shut and that window is staying shut. And her habit will get even worse, because she doesn't have to make any effort.

No
Not a chance

Insane levels of hysteria on this thread. Of course neither is good for you but it's nuts to suggest vaping is worse than smoking. Yes you will do serious damage if you vape all day every day, but that's true of smoking cigarettes too (moreso). Very few people of any age are vaping at that level. And I feel very sorry for the 21 year old with lung cancer, but one disposable vape a week hasn't caused that at her age any more than one cigarette a month would.

With a 16 year old you have to be pragmatic. I think it's fair to insist she vapes in the garden and I wouldn't be allowing it in the house at all. I'd be talking to her about the risks and looking at ways to manage the usage levels. What triggers her usage, it sounds like it's not a social thing, is it stress or boredom? Are there things she could do instead?

No I wouldn't. The garden ok. She has no right to stink your house out and ruin other people's health. It might be contained in her room mostly, some with inevitably leak out and you will still have to go in there. If she doesn't like it then tough.