To feel like I don’t like men anymore

[Dogsinsantasuits]

Not as in not attracted to them, although I am less bothered these days
It’s almost like i’m coming to a realisation that most (not all) are not great and women are infinitely stronger people.
Is this an age thing-late 40’s? Sad as I used to really like men. Now all I see around me is amazing women with men who aren’t a patch on them or dangerous and/or perverted men in the news.

I know plenty of interesting women, but also plenty whose interest in the wider world does not extend beyond their children and grandchildren. Which is boring to me as I have neither.

The ones in my life… DS, love him, but he has angry outbursts, like his dad. DH, ten years of marriage seems like enough for me. BIL, will have to listen to his diet neuroses tomorrow while he supervises what my sister eats. Dad, love him, but he’s so mean to Mum these days. Always shouting… I’d love to live with Mum & DS, just the three of us.

My best friend has renovated her house, so beautifully. It’s stunning! She lives in peace with her gorgeous cats. She even has a free-standing bath, with views over a fabulous landscape. Meanwhile, DH pissed all over the bathroom floor, coming in from the pub last night. Luckily, my boss is an amazing lady. No more pervy men bosses of my youth!

Well unless they sleeping with men then I presume they are having sex with gullible women? How many women are desperate for a man and say they cant live without them?

The ones in my life… DS, love him, but he has angry outbursts, like his dad. DH, ten years of marriage seems like enough for me.

Why did you choose him?

The problem there is that they are entitled and haven't got woth the times.

They expect to go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed and sort out an annual bunch of flowers for mothers day.

But they don't earn the megabucks to keep a family in a great lifestyle or want to share money equally.

So women are thinking, hang on, I do ten times more than you and you still want praise for doing a load of laundry.

A strong man now needs to get comfortable with parenting the kids he's fathered, working part time, shoping, cooking and cleaning. Basically they won't have the free ride their dad's could expect and they need to also be doing it enthusiastically, because women are quite capable of doing it alone and without their moaning bringing down the mood.

I loved him at the time. He’s a laugh, we get on well. He’s well-read, interesting. Has lots of great friends. We had good times.

Now… He has anger issues, childhood trauma. I’ve helped as much as I can. But, it affects home-life for me & DS. It’s sad.

I agree. I will point out that on here are always a huge number of threads on here about crap female friends, mil's who are completely selfish and sil's who are a pain.

However, I have seen a good friend marry the most lovely, beautiful woman and then repeatedly cheat on her. The blokes who would rather be in the pub. The guy who worked 8 days a week rather than be a father. The father who rocks up when he wants driving a flash car and in expensive clothes and gives his kids f all for Christmas. My uncle who has never had a job , neither has his wife to be fair. The friend who seems to deliberately sabotage his relationships...

Ah, that sounds tough. 💐

Nah - I don’t understand this sentiment. Men are simply people. Some are great, some are not.

I do know as I am older I am less bothered by dating / finding a partner. That is too hard for me to bother with anymore.

YANBU. I'm in my 40s now too and wish I could give my naive 20 year old self a good shake! You dont need a man you stupid girl!!

I love my DH very much but I will not ever replace him with another.

My mid 60s mum has been single for about 15 years now but for the past 25 she has refused to live with another man after living with two soul destroying, abusive bastards, one after the other.

She is being pestered now by a male friend who cannot understand for the life of him why she doesn't want to move in with him and fulfil his every desire 🤮🤮 there is absolutely no way on this earth she'll ever share a house with a man again and I don't blame her, most of them are sex obsessed, miserable, boring bastards.

Bring in assessments for compulsory castration I say!!!!

I think these posts are the very opposite of an “incel’s wet dream”.

Incels hate women because they cannot get the specific ones they feel entitled to.

I don’t see that happening here.

Im 45 and yet to have met a decent guy. The selfish thing is the main problem IME

Agreed. I think that there is a realisation as you get older that so many men still don't see women as human beings and are unable and uninterested in really connected with them beyond looking for sex and an unpaid maid and cook.

I also believe that social media influences like Andrew Tate and online porn have made matters worse.

Also since #MeToo and Gisele Pelicot so many famous and regular men have been exposed as abusers. It makes you realise how many men truly hate women.

I have had really bad experience with men and want nothing to do with them. I am much happier for it as a middle aged woman.

I feel the same. I experience them as parasitic, wanting marriage and children without participating in it. Too many of them think it’s enough to exist in the same house.

Agreed. I think that there is a realisation as you get older that so many men still don't see women as human beings and are unable and uninterested in really connected with them beyond looking for sex and an unpaid maid and cook.

I see a lot of those “Meet Cute” stories online where they will interview a couple and ask them questions about their relationship (how they met, their first date etc.)

When they get to the “what do you like most about your partner” it is BEYOND depressing how frequently the woman responds with aspects of the man’s character and the man responds with services the woman provides (“she’s a great cook”, “she creates a really calm home environment for me”, “she is always looking for ways to make my life easier…”). Never anything about who she is as a person.

I am so glad I have been lucky enough to meet a lot of very good men - I would hate to live in a world without men, even though I have a lovely group of female friends. I am well past menopause, and a widow - not looking for romance but very happy to have men in my life.

I’m another very happy single divorced middle aged sort.
It’s sad for men though.And I love many men. Aren’t we all just saying that in this country and at this time we can do without them?
Throughout most of history we would have desperately wanted one and wanted to keep him. For the protection and the physical strength. The farming and building and mending and fighting off bears.
Men’s strengths aren’t valued in so many areas now. I can see why they’re angry about the situation and over react. We are all congratulating ourselves on how we don’t need them but what does that mean for our sons?
Yeah I know women aren’t responsible for men’s happiness but it can’t be good that so many people are miserable. Never mind. I expect they’ll start a war so they can feel purposeful again.

Most of the things you mention are still valued (except chasing away bears).

And what about our sons? Not needing a male
partner is not the same as not desiring one. Most straight women still desire male partnership at some point.

That's because a great man is actually just an average woman.

Yep, with you. Im single, (divorced) and have no interest in a relationship. Im open to meeting someone organically, but the ones I have are absolutely NOT going to add anything positive to my life. Seems they are single for a reason, drink too much, never really grew up, financially inept, strategic incompetence.

Ive met very few men that I would have been interested in post split (in the sense they seem decent, dependable and got their shit together- not a huge ask!) but all in long term relationships or married, so obviously thats a no go!

I do think all the best ones are taken, and honestly I think a lot of women put up with a lot of shite with the rest of them. Sounds cynical, but been there, done that and can't be arsed with that in my life anymore!

Women didn’t rely on men because men farmed or fought bears.
They relied on men because they had no choice. Laws prevented women from owning land, earning money and protecting their children.

Sons don’t need to drag a plough or kill a bear.
They need emotional intelligence.

My theory is that once the hormones that drive us to reproduce diminish we start seeing men more clearly and often don't find much to like.

It's liberating once you get over losing the rose tinted specs that made you believe in love and romance to begin with and accept you can't unsee how shitty many men are.

Yeah, this is what gets me.

FIL drones on and on about how his grandparents and parents stayed together. Especially since SIL got divorced.

He’s held them up as something from a long gone time where marriage vows meant something and all that old shit.

His mum died aged 99 this year.

I was helping MIL clear out her house and we came across many old letters exchanged between FILs mum and her mother, awful letters saying how her husband (FILs dad) beat her and how she wished she could run away. The letters that she revived back from her mother saying it had been the same for her, years of abuse and she used to wish she wouldn’t wake up in the morning.

So it wasn’t all roses, was it. These women had no choice. They couldn’t leave.

The Magic faraway tree was my favourite book as a child 💓