To feel like I don’t like men anymore

[Dogsinsantasuits]

Not as in not attracted to them, although I am less bothered these days
It’s almost like i’m coming to a realisation that most (not all) are not great and women are infinitely stronger people.
Is this an age thing-late 40’s? Sad as I used to really like men. Now all I see around me is amazing women with men who aren’t a patch on them or dangerous and/or perverted men in the news.

It’s sad you feel this way and must be a reflection of the circles you move in.

Nope. It's seeing men be crap, over and over again. If you never see any of it, your circle is the exception, not the rule. I'm one of the lucky ones having a decent DH who is neither useless, abusive, unpleasant or a serial cheat, but it's sad to know you're in the minority and I wish I wasn't.

The litany of shit male behaviour is why we get fed up. Shit men are often propped up by female enablers and "boy moms" too.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say there’s a particular issue with fecklessness, grumpiness and inertia among straight men middle aged and older. I know a lot of gay men who are hugely capable and energetic and engaged / engaging throughout the lifespan, but relatively few straight men who make it past 50 without becoming helpless, grouchy, embittered, and sedentary.

My DH is none of those things. He is 75. He’s a semiretired university academic still working on books and research. He enjoys travel. He cooks. He cleans. He plays the piano. Of course he’s not perfect, he’s a bit rubbish at DIY for example.

I think that a lot of the time women end up with shitty men because they’ve got baby goggles on and often ignore subtle or not so subtle red flags.

I've known this since I was in my 20s . It was a great source of anxiety and stress to me at the time, because as try as I might, I just don't find women sexually attractive and unfortunately I am in the minority of women who are pretty useless at a lot of things. I always knew I was going to need a partner to be happy or at least to function reasonably well and he needed to be competent at life generally . I could see clearly and earlish in life, what a unicorn that was. I had an early marriage rhat fell apart after a couple of years in my late 20s because he was a typical man and I am really not your typical woman who just manages. Luckily I knew this deep down and didn't have any children with him

Don't get me wrong, I would get by and was single for almost 10 years in my late 20s/ early 30s with a good job and my own home etc. Nonetheless I spent a lot of time just getting by, no financial plan or savings, no real structure, routine or ambitions. Luckily for me I met DH in my late 30s who by some miracle was a competent grown up, emotionally stable, male interested in me. Poor guy has been stuck with me for 25 years now , thank goodness. 😉😄

I am certain my life would have been less stable and definitely less successful without DH but that does not mean I don't agree with the ops premise generally. I just got lucky

I find this. I love my female friends dearly but god they are dull at conversation sometimes.

I find men are funnier, happy to talk about deep topics but also nonsense, more entertaining. I have so much more interesting discussions with my male friends..

My DDad was a bit useless, as was my exH, so yes there are plenty of crap men around. But I know many, many lovely men who are wise, emotionally mature, capable, caring, compassionate and empathetic.

Probably not age, I have always been like this even in my teenage years.

I have a wonderful DH, met him as a teenager and he’s lovely. A handful of male friends too.

The key is to be loud about it, I find toxic men are repelled by me and the good ones fully agree.

blimey, how did you end up with him in the first place?

I’m 35 and I’m pretty much with you. Obviously ‘not all men’ (ugh sorry to use that phrase). My husband is genuinely my best friend and I completely adore him, my dad and brother are also some of my favourite people. But yes a lot of the men I come across through work/ in general I just find so lacking. They either have massive character flaws (predatory, creepy, arrogant, misogynistic, entitled) or I just find them really mediocre in comparison to women. I always prefer to work with women, I find them so much more engaged, efficient and supportive. Thankfully I’m a primary school teacher so it is mostly women, but I suppose you can tell from this that a few of my male colleagues are utterly toxic individuals 😂 again, not all men I know, I meet some who are great… but I would choose women any day of the week!!

At first those things weren’t as important, but after many conversations and discussions about the future and how we would spend our life together I realised it just wasn’t important enough to him. When I begged for help when overwhelmed or set my boundaries around managing the mental load he would promise to be better and then consistently fail. Relationship counselling changed nothing. Conversations about the future and drawn up graphs and plans changed nothing. Eventually I just started listening to what he was telling me again and again. He don’t care. He didn’t even do the things he could do, like fix things! Totally my fault really but I hoped that he would hear me. He really wanted to be in the relationship too. The thing is, I don’t need him. I have my own house, my own income, my own financial plan for the future and he had nothing and no drive to change that. Just wanted to lean into me and use all my carefully saved money and plans. He provided no safety for me, and ultimately I realised he was a liability. We still love each other, but I was losing respect for him and once that realisation hit I felt there was no coming back from it.

Maybe it’s an age thing. When you are younger social conditioning and hormones makes you attracted to men (if you are a straight woman). As you age you no longer have that impetus and you see them for what they are. Which is basic in the main. Of course they aren’t all the same, but because the scales drop from your eyes, you don’t see them in the same way as before. All my friends the same age think the same. Not all women are wonderful either, but we have a lot more going on than we realised when we were younger. I see attractive young girls dressed up to the nines with toddler men with their arses hanging out of their tracksuits, and I want to tell them to value themselves more. Don’t hang onto his every word, there is nothing worth hearing.

Look around at the state of the world. It would be a foolish person to argue that men aren’t the major cause of crime, wars, sexual assaults. The counter argument is that they also build things etc. But they also destroy in vast numbers. Men are in the main destructive, ego driven, boring, self absorbed. Women in comparison are awesome, we just don’t realise it until later in life.

I have and know good and bad men and women, I cant say women are perfect as if they were first off they wouldn't pick useless men and would actually see the red flags they choose to ignore

So can women say all women are perfectly? Really?women who let male partners abuse their children because 'i love him and he gives me attention', hand children to paedophiles? What about the never ending stories of women constantly
complaining about women, what about all the stories about how bad ex and new female partners, are inlaws, sisters, colleagues

This all women good all men bad is delusional

I feel the same.

I’ve had a lot of male friends and deep down, no matter how lovely someone is, they all just think about their cocks the whole time and however well they hide it, they just don’t like women.

I’ve heard the most awful comments about women from men who have daughters themselves. Including my own husband (and don’t say leave him unless you are willing to bung me the cash to do it, and take over the health insurance payments which are saving my mobility as the nhs won’t treat me).

My ex husband is a professor in women’s studies. One of those men who says he’s a feminist and adores women. He doesn’t. I left him because I sound out his habit of hiring prostitutes to abuse. Yet there he is, week after week, speaking at universities, in the media etc about women, how wonderful they are, how they should be respected.

I would have said my dad was one of the good ones. Until he died, and I found out some truly shocking things.

I can’t stand men at all.

Then again, the two people who utterly fucked me over in life and made me lose everything professionally were women. So I don’t like people in general really.

My ex husband is very vocal about women’s rights. It’s his job to speak and write about it.

He also hires women to abuse at the weekends for kicks.

They can say what they like. It’s usually all bollocks. they will only be agreeing to look good or to get something out of it. They all think about their dicks, all day.

Oh this is interesting. I always think life would have been better if I was born a lesbian as wouldn't have to have dealt with men. But it seems from your statement this might not be the case!!!

I'm 30 and I would say I'm constantly disappointed by men, not that U dislike them

Their inability to deal with emotions, their entitlement and selfishness. Their idea that they are the most important and if they are uncomfortable/unhappy we should deal with it. Their arrogance, and inability to identify mediocrity in men

Social media is riddled with idiotic men, writing unpleasant misogynstic comments, commenting on womens bodies. I find many spaces I enjoy get ruined when men enter them

There are men I love, and enjoy the company of. But they aren't good husbands/partners.

I could have written this

But why aren't they good at emotional connection or conversation? Yes women now work, but this isn't new. As human beings we need connection, company, love, these are things that men could provide if they chose to.

The only thing men have lost is that we aren't reliant on them for money, but actually women have always worked. If they want to provide they can still do this, buy the food, cook, provide a tidy house. Provide emotional support. Plan fun things, plan holidays.

I think it's bs that men can't cope because they are no longer the breadwinners.

My main issue is how they seem to be incapable of doing the most minor of tasks. I have a male friend who needed to buy a piece of trim for his old car didn't know what part number and I said ring the garage parts department ask if they have a part number. he didn't bought the wrong part on eBay and then somehow it became my responsibility to get his refund and send it back because he didn't know how to do it or where the nearest post office was. He then found it too hard to ring the garage so I had to do it. Honestly they drive me mad at times.

I'm so glad i've got one the few good yins, I certainly cba with "dating" again.

Your last sentence sums it up.

Everything a man does or says is clouded and or influenced by the fact that their primary aim in life is to seek out sex. They usually deny it but it’s there.

I like looking at them sometimes (well one in particular) but otherwise yeah not great are they (caveat this by saying Dh is a decent husband and father, good ones definitely taken).

I saw this thing about a saying on Chinese twitter that the best men are just the same as average women i.e. take care of their kids, cook and clean, keep an eye out for friends and family, have a social conscience, not criminal etc etc. it’s sadly true.

Maybe I’m weird but despite being a woman I prefer hanging out with men in social situations. I also find it can cause problems when a workplace is too female heavy.

Most of the truly awful people I’ve known have been women, not men.

I’m not a stereotypical ‘girly’ girl and it seems to rub some women up the wrong way. I’m also neurodiverse so think I don’t pick up on the subtle body language of women well.

Men are fine for entertainment ie. When they pretend to chat you up before they show you who they really are

Surface level interaction fine, anything else nope 🙂‍↔️

Women are much more interesting to be with

I’m the same. I know it depends on where you work etc and the mix of women there but in my workplace the conversation is dominated by (i) kids and what they are doing at school, uni etc (ii) house and garden renovations (iii) complaining about husbands - all topics I find excruciating to engage in (but still do).

I’m missing out on the code too!! You’re not alone.

for me it’s partly because I’m neurodiverse.