To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

[Namechangesecretsignature]

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

You do seem obsessed with looks though. Do your looks provide your self esteem? I’m going to guess you never leave the house without makeup on and your lips filled?

Let the poor girl be herself. Teach her that she’s perfect however she dresses, that her happiness is a priority. If you do that, her self esteem will come from within, not based on what clothes she wears.

That's so sweet her hair a mini riot but beautiful all in one go .she sounds a cutie

Dress codes dont come into it - you're just searching for reasons to justify this. She can be perfectly smart and also wear her hair tied up in a way that she feels comfortable with! You just want her to wear her hair down as it is pretty and you like it. But that isnt who she is. Respect your child! Yes she is 6 but she has feelings. Why spoil Christmas making her feel insecure and uncomfortable and not herself? So cruel.

Right?! Much more spoiled to expect to dictate someone else's than your own!!

THANK GOODNESS!! I was scrolling through the comments thinking surely someone ANYONE is going to say about her age!!!
She’s 6 SIX years old fgs! Designer tracksuits? Meltdowns over what she’d planned (PLANNED 😱🤣) to wear and not allowed to wear in two or three days time?
I’ve read some utterly ridiculous threads on mumsnet over the years but this is batshit nuts!!
I think this is the last thread I’m reading for this year because I really am shaking my head in wonder at you @Namechangesecretsignature

You're only going to cause resentment and upset if you push this. I was exactly like how you describe your DD and used to feel so self conscious and uncomfortable when I was made to wear dresses and girly things that just weren't me. Comments from my DM and DGM wishing me to be more girly didn't do anything for my self esteem. Just let her be herself.

Ps I honestly thought it was a typo and you meant she’s 16 not 6!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
I’m off! 😂😂

Leave the poor girl alone. It’s her hair, she can wear it how she likes.

Pick your battles! You're running yourself ragged over something that doesn't matter.

She’s not a doll (and you should have outgrown that stage anyway).

She's got her own style and knows what makes her feel comfortable and confident. Drop it now. Why make an issue out of a non issue.

I understand the frustration when they’re pretty and you want them to look the nicest version of themselves. It’s definitely a temptation when you have girls to want to dress them up. Both my DD’s are very headstrong about what they wear and their hair. Both prefer their hair up and off their face and tbh I get why. It’s more comfortable and frankly if I wasn’t so self conscious I’d wear mine tied back all the time as well. They’ve got years and years to worry about their appearance.
In your shoes I would see if she’ll let you take a photo of her with her hair and nice outfit on and then put it up for the rest of the day.

Let her wear what she wants. Trying to control her will not work out well. You can express your preferences and reasons but leave it at that.

Sorry but you are being ridiculous.
Surely what matters is love, being together as a family, enjoying time together and making lovely memories.
Why wreck it imposing a hairstyle on a child who doesn’t want it?
Not a hill to die on.

Why are you doing this to her?

Why are you doing this to yourself?

Madness.

My thoughts exactly. Pick your battles, you were setting this up
to fail pretty much from the start

FFS pick your battles, let her wear her hair however she wants.

I agree.

Had awful controlling parents.

Some of us toed the line, me, I left. It never did us any good and we're in our 70's.

Don’t be a dick about this. You’ll just make your life harder.

She's 6! Why is she and you so concerned about what she wears? Why are you micro managing a 6 year olds clothes and hairstyles? I have 3 dds I don't think I ever planned how I would do their hair from one day to the next. You are creating stress and tension where there doesn't need to be any and you are making your daughter ridiculously image conscious at such a young age. Cop on to yourself

I was wondering if the OP is from Ireland - I’m English living in Ireland and this “new clothes for Xmas day, Stephen’s day and Easter” is a big thing here too. Baffles me when people spend money they really don’t have on it.

I've always worn my hair up. I cannot stand it down so I think yabu

I'm Irish, and while yes, new clothes for Christmas was a thing when I was young (40 years ago) I don't see the obsession with styling her child as Irish in any way. It strikes me as a social media/influencer thing.

The rule for us has always been "must be appropriate to both the weather and activity". Viewing school as an 'activity', it still offers a bit of room for choice (skirt/trousers, Brogues/Mary Janes, cardi/jumper, tailored cotton/soft jersey fabric etc etc). In this instance, only items on the uniform list are appropriate, much like the options for what you can wear to go swimming are limited, but the wearer should always be able to choose themselves within the range. Outside of school, (some) workplaces, and certain sports, the options are much more varied.
I would say the meal OP describes dictates smarter dress to fit 'activity appropriate', although there is a lot of leeway there in interpretating what Smart is especially when allowing for individual style, but it also needs to be comfortable to be 'activity appropriate' as DC will likely need to sit still in it for at least a couple of hours. I think the only hard and fast rules for a Naice Meal Out for a DC would be clean and neatly presented (ie tidy hair, ironed clothes etc). It definitely isn't only A Dress.

I am also struggling to understand the unnecessary desire to die on this hill and even more so buying an outfit you know she'll hate with money you don't have?

FWIW I was a tom boy and my parents handled it in completely opposite ways. My F (notice no 'D') was all about wanting me to be an ornament or Little Lady he could show off. He was forever trying to make me wear frilly dresses and patent T-bar shoes, caring more about how people viewed me, and by extension, him. I strongly resisted and he lost both the battles and the war. DM on the other hand supported me to wear what I was comfortable in, and when I had to attend more formal events that meant helping me to find an outfit that worked for both me and the 'activity'. She took me to get a suit for her wedding when she remarried because that was the compromise that ticked all boxes. I remember it all from both parents, and their attitude and approach mattered.

As for her hair, and as the parent of 2 DDs that also have very beautiful curls, if she always wants it tied back, have you asked if she'd prefer a shorter style? DD1 always had it up or braided, always struggled with the tangles and eventually asked for it short. We did it in stages so it was less of a shock to her, but it was the best decision. She's ended up with a short graded cut on the sides and back, but longer on the top. Her curls are now visible and nicely styled every day, she can manage it herself, and it looks fab. It feels counterintuitive, but getting the chop has meant seeing more beautiful curls.

Disgusting

You remind me unpleasantly of my mother. Children aren’t dolls to play dress up with. Let her wear what she wants. Think about what you’re teaching her if you override her feelings on what she wears …