MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

On ya for sticking to it op, 6am is absolutely bonkers. To me, 9am isn’t much better really (well, it’s three hours better I suppose!) but at least it isn’t quite so diabolical.

As a MIL who gets on really well with my DIL, son and two granddaughters 2 & 4, it is quite upsetting to read some of the hateful responses to OP's dilemma. Christmas mornings have been pretty boring affairs for years, with all of us adults missing the excitement and magic of children. Now that we have our darling granddaughters, both at a lovely age to believe in the magic of Christmas, this Christmas is what we've been waiting for. My DIL is going to ring me in the morning at whatever time the girls wake up (usually around 6am) and we (me, my husband, my mum and my other son) will drive the 5 minutes to their house to all sit around the tree to enjoy the thrill of watching the girls open their presents. All the wrapped presents are at our house, hidden away, and when my DIL rings this evening to say the girls are asleep, I'll drive over with the presents and put them under the tree, so it'll go from no presents under the tree when they go to bed tonight, to a pile of presents when the girls go downstairs in the morning, having been brought in the night by Father Christmas (we never did stockings in bed with our sons and don't do it with the girls either.) I would hate to miss out on such an exciting time as watching two little girls' faces on Christmas morning, full of wonder that Father Christmas had brought what they had asked for. My mum will be excited to join in the occasion, just like my grandparents used to with me as a child. I am so thankful for the close relationship I have with my son and his lovely wife, and grateful that they are happy to include us in such an important day of the year. I am sorry that not everyone has this loving relationship with their MIL, when you're one in years to come you might look back and realise how selfish you were to think like you do now. Have fun tomorrow and please consider letting your MIL or mum join in with the children's unwrapping of presents, there's nothing like it 🎁😀

Why can't MIL sit on a chair or on the edge/end of the bed? I didn't think that she would actually get into bed with them, lol!

But who the f*ck wants their MIL on the edge of their bed at 6am?! Thank heavens the OP stuck to her guns!

I've just had the call, the girls are both asleep, time to fill the car up and play Father Christmas. I can't wait to see their little faces in the morning. Excited 😆

@TheSunRisesInTheEast do you have other grandchildren? Where are DIL's family in this?

He doesn't get to control your privacy. It's your home, guests are by mutual agreement.

For me, any guest demanding entry would be bounced let alone one that tried to deprive me of a reasonable lie-in to suit them.

TheSunRisesInTheEast
Seems to be all about you. Give them some space.

So according to your earlier post, you’ll be back there just after 6am tomorrow. Do you think this is normal behaviour, and I wonder if your DIL is genuinely happy with the situation?

When I was a child, obviously my grandparents were involved in my life, but I’ve no recollection of the intense, uber-grandparenting that your hear about these days.

I don’t think this is about having a good or otherwise relationship with a mother in law. It’s about respecting people’s wish not to be turfed out of bed at 6am when it’s dark for another two hours!

I was lucky enough to have a brilliant, sensitive, generous mother in law (now gone, sadly) and I always really looked forward to seeing her. But I’m really struggling to imagine her turning up on our doorstep at 6am. She would have been far too worried about imposing on other people - usually it was us trying to convince her how welcome she was.

DO NOT give her a key. You'll have no privacy at all, ever.again.
I had to buy door wedges to keep my MIL out of our house. It turned into a complete nightmare.

It’s nice she’s so invested in your children.

However, it’s your Xmas and I think it’s reasonable for you to do it however you want.

She is obviously VERY lonely. Christmas, as you get older becomes increasingly difficult. You no longer have to prepare the meal, you are always the 'spare', you don't have a contribution to make, you feel in the way, you know your there under sufferance. Please make her feel useful. Opening stockings, those joyful oos and ahs are more precious as you get older, because they are your memory links to the past. She wakes up alone 364 days of the year, can't you just be gracious towards her on one day?
Your obviously not awfully keen on your M.I.L but don't forget she is the reason you have such a lovely husband. I'm not surprised that he was hurt by your contacting his Mom without talking to him first. Bear in mind the phrase, 'As you sow, so shall you reap.' You will probably find that you'll get your way and she will stay away until later, probably later than your family will enjoy.

I suspect @TheSunRisesInTheEast and @NewNameforThisPost2025 are just having a laugh. At least for I hope so - for their sakes.😬

I’m just gobsmacked anyone could think 6am is a reasonable time to knock on somebody’s door. Whoever it is. But you do you.

Its not, I have never said it is

It's lovely they are happy to include you in this but, if they weren't, you have had your time with the kids at Christmas. Now it's someone else's time. I say this as a MIL myself.

It was really important to me to be able to make the most of my kids and establish some of our own traditions. My children deserve the same.

No, I don't have any other grandchildren. DIL doesn't have any family so she treats me and my husband like her parents, and my mum like her nanny 🥰. I look after the children while DIL works, giving them their breakfast, taking them to school and entertaining them until my DIL or my son take over. We all love one another and there's never a cross word between us. To all these people saying 6am is too early, it's the norm for young children to wake up, surely you don't leave them to their own devices while you lie in bed 😱. If we get the call at 5am, which isn't that unusual for excited children on Christmas morning, then that's when we'll go over, I'd hate to miss them opening their presents. Most of you will be 30/40 years younger than me, why do you sound so miserable? Lighten up and enjoy one another's company tomorrow, I lost my dad 9 years ago and he's a big miss around the tree and dinner table, the girls never knew him, hopefully he'll be looking over us 🙏, smiling 🙂

I think the difference if you are invited and go when the children wake up.

Ops mil just arrives 6am regardless.

When the girls start sleeping in an assume you won’t still be expecting to rock up at 5 or 6am but it may became 8 or 9am.

Also the mil wants to be there for the stockings, op has no problem with the main gift giving part which is what your 6am is.

When little The children came into our room with their stockings, once older they opened them in their bedroom. I don’t think we have ever made it downstairs before 7am and expect tomorrow will be 8:30/9am.

I don't think we will be up at 9 let alone 6.

@TheSunRisesInTheEast DS didn’t wake up that early. If you weren’t specifically invited would you turn up that early? What would happen if you weren’t invited? Do you not drink late at night just in case you get a very early morning call?

I was a child in the 60s/70s, my grandparents would move in for the whole Christmas week. It wasn't unusual for me to wake up at 4am/5am and get my parents and grandparents up, telling them Father Christmas has been 🥳 🎉. Happy memories ❤️. If we weren't invited to our son's house tomorrow, I'd be disappointed but wouldn't make a fuss at all. If I'm left to wake up naturally it certainly wouldn't be 6am 🙄. I'd make lunch for the four of us (me, husband, mum & younger son) and have a day of rest and relaxation (probably falling asleep after lunch!)

Neither of my children have been up at 6am ever.
Its definitely not normal in my house. Likewise they have never been in bed at 7pm either.

When my in laws would come over (every Christmas Day since having kids), they were always told after 10am and they respected that. Now my FIL is no longer here, MIL stops over from Xmas Eve to Boxing Day so of course she is up when we are - our kids are late teens/young adults now so no early starts anyway 😂

DS doesn’t wake up at 6am! Never has. He was up just before 8am this morning, came in to open his stocking on our bed, then we all went downstairs at about 9am.

On non-Christmas weekends we do sometimes leave him to his own devices for half an hour or so - why wouldn’t we? He’s 9, he is more than capable of going downstairs by himself and turning the tv on while I get a shower.

How did it go OP?