MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

6am is ridiculous.

We just always made sure that any presents from grandparents were saved until they arrived. - if they were coming! If they wanted to be there for all present opening then tough!

Well in our house stocking opening happens in our bed, no way mil is joining in!!

Seriously though, thats rediculous.

Well done on standing your ground. It sounded like she had gotten used to treating your home like an extension of her own home; just because you are married to her son. But you are the mistress of your household just like she is of hers and she should have sought permission from you from the beginning to come at all not just declared when she would be coming!

Sounds like your husband is a gutless moron to be honest with you.

Only gutless morons like spending time with their mums?

Don’t be silly, you know that’s not what she means.

Noooo only gutless morons let someone force their way into their home at 6am because familyyyyy and it’s means sooooo much to them to be a pain in the arse there.

Could be his aunty or uncle or his dad just happens to be his mum 👍🏻

He wants her there. The swine.

I’d put the kettle on, move the intimate family ritual to the living room and let the kids’s nan join in.

Well if an atmosphere is created, she will be the root cause.

And if she causes one, kick her out. Dont spoil Xmas for your kids due to her self centred assholeness. 👍

Or fathers who love their mothers and are happy to share the excitement of small children opening their stockings 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Factsoverfiction does he really want her there or is it more he doesn’t want to say no to her? Really how many people want relatives turning up at 6am no matter how close you are to them

Quite - he should have stood up for himself and his DM. Sounds like he’s got a DW problem

Who knows? We can only take the post at face value. We can’t add bits to suit our narrative. If my husband said he wanted his mum at ours at 6am Christmas Day then she could be here at 6am. No forcing her way in, no gutless morons, no sulking about intimate/nuclear family time. Kettle on and join in the fun.

If MIL turned up at 6am with DH’s agreement he would be the one entertaining her, no-one else would be getting up and he would have had to ensure house was guest ready. I wonder if OP’s DH does that, especially as OP says says she does all the hosting and cooking

and YOU wouldn't find it strange or uncomfortable at all, to go to your son or daughter marital bedroom at 6am? Or just to ring the doorbell at 6am (waking up everybody in the process) Seriously? 😂

What is wrong with people

I love my mum but there is no way on God's green earth that we would be inviting ourselves into each other's homes at 6am on Christmas day (or any other day) unless it was an emergency.

I am a MIL and have grandkids but I would only go round when I am told it's convenient.

OP did say that she sent the text with her DH knowing she would.

Besides, regardless of how she’d done it, MIL would have some feelings about it.

Plus, why would a face to face be necessary to say to someone that showing up before the sun is even close to being up on Christmas at their house is not appropriate for them? It’s not MIL’s house. Yes, it is her DH’s mother but it’s also OP’s home and her bed with her DH. I also can’t imagine being comfortable thinking this is ok to begin with no matter how much you help with your own grandchildren nor does that give permission to do so.

My own parents and in-laws (DH and I are from different countries) would think it mental to be at anyone’s home at 6 am to see some presents open on Christmas Day. Growing up, the gifts grandparents saw us open were the ones they got us and in their homes, not ours and we lived 20 minutes drive away from them. It’s the same for DH’s sister and their parents who are only 10 minutes away.

Erm, I was thinking that the MIL would be sitting on a chair or the end/edge of the bed, not actually getting INTO bed with them! Not like the beginning of the old CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY film where the olds are all in bed together, lol!

Why can't MIL sit on a chair or on the edge/end of the bed? I didn't think that she would actually get into bed with them, lol!

Oh. Well, there's clearly something wrong with her. Most grandmas aren't like that.

No way would I be entertaining guests at 6am,on any day of the year,never mind Christmas day!

Not sure I would want my MIL in my bedroom at 6am and I am sure many men wouldn’t want their MILs in their bedroom at that time either

@NoisyViewer Really sorry you got stuck with a MIL like that.

Mine was annoying too. I would advise any young person that they absolutely do marry the family as well, and so when dating to check out the provenance of the specimen as soon as possible! 🤣

I wouldn’t want my MiL in my bedroom while I’m in bed, full stop. It would be weird, and as OP said early on, that family bed thing is just for immediate family- it’s quite intimate. I don’t think I’d do it with a step parent either tbh.

Anyway you seem very invested in this MiL being allowed to come round at 6am, are you she!?