MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

I think the fuck not.

My 4 year old, many, many years ago, did similar. When woken up with the words 'wake up, Santa has been' replied 'GO AWAY. I'm trying to sleep'. He's late 40's now and he still gets teased about it 😁😂

I disagree with the moving-around part. My family on both sides did stay in the same two places for hundreds of years, but what's more useful than anecdotes is a study that was done by Liverpool University (might have been Leicester) a few years ago that showed how the vast majority of people, even today, stay close to where they were brought up and always have done.

My family are all dead now. Like, all dead. So I freely admit I can't be rational about this. My parents and my MIL (never had a FIL) used to drive me nuts too. But now I wonder why I let it bother me so much, and wish I hadn't let it.

@Countrybumpkin19 she’s a very lucky lady to be able to see her grandchildren so regularly and I think she means well but somewhere along the way because of the proximity normal ‘boundaries’ of ‘closeness’ have become a bit blurred - I had a friend like this many years ago who lived next door but one. I loved her to bits but somewhere along the line it all became a bit popping round whenever she felt like it on spec - I was married with young kids too . Have a lovely Christmas x

I am cringing at just the thought of MIL sitting in a corner of my room while I'm waking up.

The only time people, outside of immediate family, should see you in bed, is in a hospital.

Absolutely ridiculous. Is she mad? Nobody arrives at people’s houses at 6 am! Tell her to arrive mid-morning or an hour or so before you have dinner, whenever that is.

And even then, only with an invitation!

I think the MIL is very unreasonable to be arriving at 6am on Christmas morning. I would absolutely hate that, especially as I'm not a morning person. I wouldn’t be happy with 9am either for that matter.

We’ve always had my MIL stay for a few days when she spends Christian with us (every other year) and I have to say I quite like it, as at least there’s no pressure on Christmas morning to make an early start. (As long as we’ve made a good start on the meal prep.)

But then again, my MIL is lovely and just fits in with whatever we’re doing. It doesn't sound as if this is at all the case with the OP’s MIL.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can’t even imagine wanting to be up dressed and traveled to someone’s to be a visitor at someone’s house for 6am.

To go on holiday sure but to watch some stockings get opened and drink a coffee. I’d rather be sleeping 😅 or if I was awake comfy and watching shit on tv

People who go on about boundaries are so tedious, and tend not to be generous-natured, I've noticed. I wish that dratted word had never spilled over from therapy-speak! It can be a useful concept for those who have difficulty asserting themselves, but too often it's used as a licence to indulge a self-centred, petty nature by those who never had trouble asserting themselves in the first place.

is someone "self-centred and petty" because they dont' make their life revolve around you? I am not sure.

Boundaries is a good word, sounds like people should learn them and stick with them

It's a massively tedious and pompous word for something which used to be called, quite simply, saying no.

Absolutely not icky or creepy at all.😬

🤣 No, but wouldn't it be funny if I was!

Of course it's not! You're all family and she's the kids' grandma. Everyone mucks in together. So what if she sees you in your jammies, honestly! Sitting on the edge of the bed or on a bedroom chair is just fine.

I think this is one of those agree to disagree topics.

Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable with my MIL (or any parent) sitting in my bedroom while me, DP and DC were all in bed together. Not because it’s creepy, but because it’s a level of intimacy I’m not comfortable sharing beyond my partner.

I don’t think it’s for you or me to say what’s right or wrong here but if either partner is uncomfortable, it shouldn’t happen. Feeling comfortable in your own home matters, and your partner should respect that.

😂😂😂

this can't be real.

I don't want my parents, in laws or siblings sitting in my bedroom thank you.

Just sit in the front room. Why are you all so rigid?

Why should they change everything just for MIL?

Change everything = sit downstairs? How will you cope? It’s their mum/nan/mil.

How about eveyone compromises. Why is it always on one side to appease the other entirely.

nanny comes around 9am.

Op still have to get up and be presentable earlier than would like.

win win like adults. Like is the actual outcome.

That’s what they were doing for years and OP has had enough of doing this for someone who can easily come by at a decent time but chooses not to because MIL wants things her way.

Why has MIL been so rigid and not come when it is at least daylight? Sunrise is about 8:15 am in my area. There’s no legitimate reason to be up to appease one person who can come at a later time which is what she is doing this time from what OP has updated.

It would be considered rude to many if someone chose to be up and moving about at 6am and expecting everyone who lived there to be up with them in most circumstances no matter who they are.

Ah yes because the rigid person in this scenario couldn't possibly be the adult who is upset that she's been asked to arrive at 9am on Christmas day, not 6am 😂

This thread is bonkers!

If you are happy to welcome people into your home at 6am (meaning you would need to be awake prior to this) then knock yourself out, but for most people this is completely unreasonable.