MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

Haven't got a problem with your request but you definitely should have discussed this with your husband before you messaged MIL. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure op would not have like husband doing the same... all of the upset might have been avoid had you spoke with your husband first. I hope you discuss things like this in the future.

Edit: I see you did discuss it but and he wasn't happy but you still sent it? Not wise in my opinion.

OP told her DH that she was going to message his mum before she did it. He didn't tell her not to. He's obviously got his arse in his hands now because his mum is making a big fuss about arriving at 9.00 am instead of 6.00 am.

The OP said he didnt want her to send it. She 'told' him she was going to do it and he said he didnt want her to then she did it anyway, thats not a discussion.

But now she's created upset between her and her husband, op says he clearly was not happy in her post.. but she sent the message anyway. She has a husband problem here, in my opinion and needs to have it out with him and get him to speak with MIL.

It is such a bizarrely early time to arrive. Not that I think you should spend your timings for MIL but could you suggest she comes at 8am/9am and you’ll save the stockings until then? You might just need to ease her into a new pattern rather than go hardcore like you have done (and don’t get me wrong, i think it’s totally mad that she comes so early!!)

So she either has to have MIL, who only lives 10 minutes away, to stay overnight or she needs to let her arrive at 6.00 am? Asking her MIL to come at 9.00 am is perfectly reasonable and her MIL is being unreasonable to make a big fuss.

Having someone at my house at 6am is a no go. I’m not answering the door.

Your husband needs to support you on this.

I think you’re being generous with 9am. My MIL isn’t allowed over until 5pm.

Let her be mad. Let your husband be mad. Other people’s lack of boundaries isn’t your issue. If she shows up anyway, take up the fight after Christmas.

Perhaps next year suggest you aren’t hosting and instead you want to book a meal out and she can meet you at the restaurant.

I also recommend your husband get some counselling for the codependency he has with his mother.

My DS is an only child and very close to me.

He is not married with children but I hope one day he will be, and that we as GPs will be involved in at least part of their future Christmas celebrations.

There is not one single fibre of my being that could envision me sitting on his and his future wife's marriage bed at 6am just to watch some kids open their stockings!

You don't have an issue with her being there, you have an issue having to accommodate someone coming over at NIGHTTIME before it is even starting to get light which is unnecessary unless it is an emergency. 9am for her to come is more than reasonable. Stick to your guns!!

Of course, it would be cruel to exclude her if she's always been a part of it but I don't understand this new wave of entitlement from grandparents who want to be a part of every little moment so parents and their children rarely get their own little family time and memories that's just them. I'm not saying to exclude her, before people jump on me making assumptions; I just find it crazy so many in-laws and grandparents expect to be included in so much more now and parents often have to just put up and shut up.

Totally agree, @grlwhowrites

OP, 9am is fine (although still rather early). Have things been resolved yet?

Oh heck no.

How do your DC feel about it? Mine loathed being gawped at opening stockings. Still feel mad about DH bringing his in laws in to watch them. DC were so hideously uncomfortable. In laws were not particularly interested either way but as they'd been brought in settled down to view the show. Body language of DC clearly screamed I don't want to be watched but everyone was oblivious. I ended up herding everyone back the kitchen so DC could enjoy their stockings in peace. Felt pissed off I missed them opening their gifts. Did doulbe check in with them if they wanted me out the room too and they didn't but I couldn't get back in without being trailed. Felt too rude to say please don't come in. I think respect the magic of Christmas and know when you are adding to it or detracting from it.

I’d be asking DH why he was happy to leave all the hosting and organising up to me but thought that he should make the decision round the issue of what time his mum arrived. They are both being really disrespectful. Guests wait to be told what time they are invited to arrive

WHY? The stockings are for the kids to open when they feel like it. They're not for putting on a show for Grandma.

I agree with the others saying stockings are a private thing for the kids and immediate family only. No need for extended-family members to be part of it.

Just a suggestion 😂 no need for the CAPS 😆

Must admit we don’t even watch the children do their stockings.

We used them to make extra time in bed once they where old enough to do them alone 😅 a drink, some food, a couple of little bits and a small Lego to keep them occupied for an extra half hour or so.

9 am is a bit early imo. 6 am absolutely ludicrous. Your husband is probably upset as you didn't speak to him before sending the message. Stay firm, that's really unreasonable to arrive in someones home that early in the morning.

Our inlaws come at midday and the only presents they ever saw the kids open were the ones they brought with them.

That’s the only reason we do stockings. It gives an extra half an hour before the children want to rush downstairs.

Although, youngest aged 5 is the laziest child know to man. She’s never awake before 9am unless she has to go to school, not for birthdays or Christmas. My now 12 year old has always been exhaperated with her at Christmas, even as a toddler she liked to sleep in.

Last year, older dd was trying to wake her up on Christmas morning by yelling “come on, Santa has been!” To which a thin 4 year old dd replied, “just 5 more minutes” and rolled over and went back to sleep 🤣

No no nope.

Thanks all. She has finally acknowledged my message and agreed to come at 9 tomorrow. Not sure what the atmosphere is going to be like but hopefully we can move on. Glad I stood my ground!

Well done OP!

Well done Op, even 9 is early but 6 is stupid o'clock

I’ve put you are being unreasonable because sending a ‘really nice’ text message is a cop-out. If it means that much that she can’t be there, it needed to be a face to face discussion. Also, your husband needed to be involved in this too

Well then he lacks empathy and has little respect for your feelings. Also, is he completely thick? How can he not understand that coming at 6.30am is outrageous and nobody in the right mind would think otherwise.