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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?

587 replies

StrawberryCreamField · 23/12/2025 14:26

Would you be happy with this? DD (18, her birthday was last week) wants to go out to a nightclub on Christmas Day. I don’t think she should as Christmas Day is a day to spend with family and for her to spend with us and her siblings and she could go out on any other day/night. DD is still saying she wants to go out though. DH thinks I’m being unreasonable and he thinks it’s fine for her to go out on Christmas Day. AIBU?

OP posts:
BettysRoasties · 23/12/2025 17:01

She won’t tell you because I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you’re a rather overbearing parent and always have been and now she’s 18 she’s putting her foot down as an adult.

PevenseygirlQQ · 23/12/2025 17:01

Tbh OP she is an adult its not really any of your business what she does.

OriginalSkangCantGetInAccount · 23/12/2025 17:01

You cant tell an adult what to do, as much as you might like to. You not being okay with it isnt her problem

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/12/2025 17:01

Is there a backstory to this OP, that a) she’s being so secretive and b) you suspect she’s lying about going clubbing and just wants to be elsewhere? Is there somebody visiting over Christmas who she doesn’t get along with? Has Christmas tended to be a lot of stress and arguments between you and her dad / stepdad?

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 23/12/2025 17:02

vanillalattes · 23/12/2025 16:59

What else is going on in your relationship OP? It sounds like she doesn't tell you very much or trust you very much.

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Good question and one that I suspect we won't see an answer to.

MamsKnit · 23/12/2025 17:04

A lot of young people haven’t stopped socialising after Covid and I am just starting to see them starting to have fun again so I think it’s great and that she should go.

CrazyGoatLady · 23/12/2025 17:04

StrawberryCreamField · 23/12/2025 16:20

Because I’m doubting if it’s actually open like DD says it is.

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Erm...google?

Somersetbaker · 23/12/2025 17:06

Perhaps she just doesn't want to share any space with creepy Uncle George, who will try to molest her (but he's family so that's ok).

Cupboarddoorknob · 23/12/2025 17:08

She is an adult and does not have to justify anything to you whatsoever. I recall at 23 I was half a day late home from my then partner’s (now DH) on Xmas eve and my mum threw a wobbly on the phone, one of many core memories that have contributed to me having her at arms length now. Let her live her adult life in the way that she pleases, it has nothing to do with you.

Eyeshadow · 23/12/2025 17:09

TokyoSushi · 23/12/2025 16:21

At 2pm, no. Any time after 7/8pm, fine.

I agree.

Her going out wouldn’t bother me - in fact I think this sounds like a really fun Xmas for an 18yo to see her friends and go out.

But there’s a balance and 2pm is a bit too early.

Does she have any siblings or is it just you and her?
I can see why she’d find it a bit boring if there’s no other young people

Foodylicious · 23/12/2025 17:10

Looks pretty closed!

To not want DD to go out to a club/nightclub on Christmas Day?
Ellie1015 · 23/12/2025 17:10

Going to a nightclub on Christmas day after 8pm absolutely fine.

Going at 2pm, not telling you where or who with and not prebooking taxi not on. Though not sure what you can do about it. I would be very frustrated. Likely plans will fall through as sounds very vague.

Sarah2891 · 23/12/2025 17:10

Google tells me it's closed on Christmas day and Boxing day. She's obviously doing something she doesn't want you to know.

Sassylovesbooks · 23/12/2025 17:11

Is the Pleasure Beach even open on Christmas Day evening??? Isn't the bar situated within the complex?? I doubt the club even opens much before 10 pm. Where is your daughter planning on being from 2 pm onwards? I wouldn't have an issue with her going clubbing in the evening. Missing Christmas lunch though would annoy me, especially if the change of plan is sudden. I would prefer her to eat Christmas lunch at home, and then go and meet friends. The fact she's being evasive of who she's meeting, and refuses to pre-book a taxi, suggests to me, that she may not be going where she says. I suspect that there's a man involved, and she's planning on staying over. If she is lying, then your biggest issue is why? Does she feel that you pry? Or could she be with someone or going somewhere you won't approve? I definitely wouldn't accuse her of lying, because you have no real proof of that at all. Ultimately, you can't stop her from leaving at 2 pm and missing lunch/evening at home, because she's an adult. All you can say is that you're disappointed that she won't be there for lunch, and tell her to have a nice time with her friends.

Mossstitch · 23/12/2025 17:11

Sounds to me that she is planning xmas dinner somewhere else but doesn't want to tell you.

Namechangerage · 23/12/2025 17:12

StrawberryCreamField · 23/12/2025 16:55

She won’t tell me who.

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18 or not, if she lives under my roof, I’d want to know who with and I would want her to have Xmas dinner and go out after at around 4pm.

purplespink · 23/12/2025 17:12

Op I think she’s meeting a guy (or girl) and spending Christmas with them.

Namechangerage · 23/12/2025 17:13

Mossstitch · 23/12/2025 17:11

Sounds to me that she is planning xmas dinner somewhere else but doesn't want to tell you.

This makes sense. Maybe a secret boyfriend?

Gardener82 · 23/12/2025 17:14

Somersetbaker · 23/12/2025 17:06

Perhaps she just doesn't want to share any space with creepy Uncle George, who will try to molest her (but he's family so that's ok).

What the fuck. What a completely weird and random comment.

godmum56 · 23/12/2025 17:14

DreamOfTheRarebitFiend · 23/12/2025 16:31

You keep repeating the same points, OP. Are you taking on board any of the posters saying that she's 18, she's an adult, and she can do what she wants?

Yup. And the OP won't answer my question which is how will she stop her?

godmum56 · 23/12/2025 17:14

Namechangerage · 23/12/2025 17:12

18 or not, if she lives under my roof, I’d want to know who with and I would want her to have Xmas dinner and go out after at around 4pm.

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So she moves out......

Limehawkmoth · 23/12/2025 17:16

Ok, I’d be saying something along the lines of Christmas is about sharing time with family, showing our love in many ways like Family games, meal, and exchanging gifts

you are 18 so we can’t stop you and it’s your decison to opt out of Christmas Day. Christmas Day is whole deal you and not choosing just bits you want for yourself such as still receiving your gifts . If you disappear at 2pm then you’re opting out of Christmas Day with the family. That’s fine. Welll leave you out of celebrations and you can do your own thing all day. We won’t be adjusting our plans for this new schedule. You’ll need to feed yourself around your own schedule by the way. And we’re drinking so we’ll not be available to pick you up if you suddenly find yourself in a bind.

let her mull on that. But follow through. You can always save her presents for he4 birthday once the reality of that hits.

she is still living at home, only just 18. But she’s stretching her wings to do her win thing. Don’t go head to head with her, no threats…just shrug your shoulders and casually say that’s fine so you don’t want to do Xmas then

id also agree nightclub is a ruse…there’s someone involved who she’s in love with and is prioritising for the endorphins she gets from that kick. That’s young people for you!

DressOrSkirt · 23/12/2025 17:17

You can't control what other adults do, and people tend to pull away from those trying to control them. Relax or you'll push her away more.

vanillalattes · 23/12/2025 17:17

Limehawkmoth · 23/12/2025 17:16

Ok, I’d be saying something along the lines of Christmas is about sharing time with family, showing our love in many ways like Family games, meal, and exchanging gifts

you are 18 so we can’t stop you and it’s your decison to opt out of Christmas Day. Christmas Day is whole deal you and not choosing just bits you want for yourself such as still receiving your gifts . If you disappear at 2pm then you’re opting out of Christmas Day with the family. That’s fine. Welll leave you out of celebrations and you can do your own thing all day. We won’t be adjusting our plans for this new schedule. You’ll need to feed yourself around your own schedule by the way. And we’re drinking so we’ll not be available to pick you up if you suddenly find yourself in a bind.

let her mull on that. But follow through. You can always save her presents for he4 birthday once the reality of that hits.

she is still living at home, only just 18. But she’s stretching her wings to do her win thing. Don’t go head to head with her, no threats…just shrug your shoulders and casually say that’s fine so you don’t want to do Xmas then

id also agree nightclub is a ruse…there’s someone involved who she’s in love with and is prioritising for the endorphins she gets from that kick. That’s young people for you!

Blimey, what a way to drive your child away from you forever!

whatsupwithmyhead · 23/12/2025 17:18

I don’t quite get the “they’re an adult they can do what they want” comments - adults are generally expected to act with consideration to others, including their family and make reasonable compromises, not act like they are the only person who is important.

If she’s an adult she should act like one.