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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you even like your adult sibling?

164 replies

Imjustwonderingnow · 22/12/2025 22:27

We live in different countries. Used to be very close as kids. Used to speak often. Slowly over the last 2 years had numerous small arguments but really I've realised our values are just totally different. I wouldn't choose to be friends with them in real Life. So now we just tolerate each other and send messages on birthdays etc. Is this normal for some ? If you've had the same tell your story. Of course I'm saddened by it ... I miss the person they used to be. I feel they've changed into someone I cannot relate to. That's fine ....but my internal peace is more important to me so I'm low contact. Our mum we both still have contact with her separately

OP posts:
Gremlins101 · 23/12/2025 09:07

I love my sister a lot. Not a whole lot in common but we are a close family so we interact more as a family unit rather than the two of us and thats fine. We love each other's kids and when a parent is sick we will call each other to give support. I live in another country to the others so she will need support as the parents age and I'll do my best.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 23/12/2025 09:12

Very close to my sister, even if we weren’t related I think she’d still be a friend. We laugh together a lot and have similar values and interests.

thefamous5 · 23/12/2025 09:15

I adore mine. We all live across the countty but make an effort to meet up in the middle at my parents regularly (every school holiday for a weekend). We are all going to one brothers for xmas. We talk most days on WhatsApp, tag each other in silly stuff on social media and favorite every couple of weeks so the kids can speak to au ties and uncles and cousins. I'd go as far to say as my brothers and their wives are my best friends.

VisitingInkMonitor · 23/12/2025 09:18

Haven’t spoken to one brother in over 8 years. I spent all my childhood and most of my adulthood protecting him from the unreasonable demands of our parents. I then saw him treat his own kids in similar ways and not protect them from an alcoholic mother or dreadful step mother and I had to step away to protect my own sanity. My DM thinks this is all my fault. Realised other brother couldn’t give a shit so I stopped contacting him to see what happened. Unsurprisingly I haven’t spoken to him since last Christmas. My mum also doesn’t contact me unless she wants something. It’s a very sad situation and I realised I was the social glue holding my family together in a semblance of normality. As soon as I stopped doing this it all fell apart. I dread this happening with my kids.

DinoLil · 23/12/2025 09:40

I have one younger sister, she has a busy life. I will phone and text every couple of weeks but she either doesn't answer or does but has conversations with her DC (all adults) at the same time and is in a fluster. Texts are normally unanswered.

Itiswhysofew · 23/12/2025 10:24

I was bullied by my only sister throughout our childhood. She made it very clear that she didn't want anything to do with me. But I do actually feel for her, because she was obviously lacking during her own childhood.

When I started going to the senior school she was already at, she told me not to go near her or tell anyone that I was her sister. I've never forgotten that, as well as all the other things she used to do to hurt me.

We rarely see each other now. I made a huge effort to be involved with her 4 DC during their childhood, and I'm glad I did that.

I find it a tense atmosphere when I'm in her company.

DM says she wasn't aware of the extent of the bullying. Who knows?

It is lovely to hear all the positive stories on this thread 😊

christmassytimeagain · 23/12/2025 12:00

Pistachiocake · 23/12/2025 00:51

Very few adult siblings I know see each other regularly, quite a few live in different countries. I can only think of one who is anything like close, so please don't think you're unusual. Even kids tend to prefer playing with friends than siblings, so it is quite natural that once you're grown up and can make your own choices, you choose not to be with them often.

That’s not my experience at all. Most of my friends see their siblings all the time especially those who have sisters. DP talks to his sister at least once a week and we see them at least 6 times a year and they live 300 miles away. I’m struggling to think of anyone that I know who has very little contact with their siblings

amber763 · 23/12/2025 12:05

My brother and sister are the two best people in the world. We see each other at least every couple of weeks and my sister and I WhatsApp daily.

psych25 · 23/12/2025 12:05

I am extremely close with both my adult sisters, class them as my best friends. We’re 42, 40 & 38 now and closer than ever. I’d be lost without them, truly.

Boutonnière · 23/12/2025 12:24

My only brother and I have never had an argument or disagreement in our lives, but this is partially due to him being 9 years older than me and being a glamorous, charming figure during my childhood when I saw him as one of the adults. He was so kind and generous towards me and gave me excellent advice in my early career.

We’ve always been in touch, though both have moved around, and the relationship has changed into me being more of a sounding board giving ( asked for ) advice to him.

It’s been interesting lately comparing our different takes on our childhoods and our parents’ rocky marriage. I would have liked, at times, another sibling in between our ages for more companionship - we grew up almost as only children - but I wouldn’t have changed him for the world.

NoisyViewer · 23/12/2025 12:41

I have very minimal contact with my siblings. It’s almost like we’ve been bought up in a different family. Not just values but how we conduct ourselves.

my sister got with a 30 yo man when she was 16. My mom being a single mom just didn’t have any control & despite calling police when she went out with him she learnt very early doors that legally there was nothing to be done about it. So despite hating it she accepted this man into our lives. What followed was years & years of hell. He was an abusive alcoholic that thought nothing of trying it on with me when I was 17 locking my mom out the house as he tried to corner me in a room. Luckily the neighbour heard the commotion & threatened him. I was lucky as he didn’t get close to me but he was chasing me round the house & trying to get into the room I barricaded myself in. My sister blamed me for being a tease. He threatened my 14yo brother just to intimidate us. Broke windows etc.

she eventually left him after 6 kids. Yet her life is drama, drama & more drama since. My poor mom was put through the wringer with her & when she died I found I was having to pick up the pieces for her to jump from one problem to another. Never seeing that she is very much the cause of most her woes. I had to cut contact. She’s an all consuming beast. She makes friends easily enough but if that person has a normal life she will dump them saying they’re boring. She wants to be friends with fellow train wrecks.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 23/12/2025 12:42

I like both of mine but we aren’t close. They are close with each other, bit of a three is a crowd situation I think.

xanthomelana · 23/12/2025 12:44

I’m not particularly fussed either way. We can go for long periods of time without contact and it suits us fine. She has very different views on life than I have and is obsessed with creating a perfect image for her social media but I’m extremely private so I tend to keep her at arms length so I don’t end up being part of her content.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 23/12/2025 12:48

I love my brother. I'd be heartbroken if anything happened to him. But no i don't particularly like him. We have very different values. I think hes a shit parent, but he probably thinks the same about me. He's a misogynist, racist and homophobic. Money matters more to him than anything. Im the complete opposite.

Elmspringwater · 23/12/2025 12:53

I only talk see and speak to one sibling.
No contact with anyone else in the family.

HolyMoly24 · 23/12/2025 13:32

I love and like my older brother. Some of the things he does annoys me (he would probably say the same about me) but I still enjoy his company especially now that he has a child and we can relate to each other about parenting.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/12/2025 13:50

No. I really dislike my younger brother. I have very little to do with him.

Wisperley · 23/12/2025 14:05

The care needs of our parents have caused us to fall out. We still speak, but it's a veneer. I think my sister is selfish and twists conversations, so now I make all arrangements with her in writing via WhatsApp so that she can't say "but that's not what I agreed" and equally, can't try to tell me that I agreed something that I didn't.

Americano75 · 23/12/2025 14:12

I'm very lucky, my sister is my best friend. I literally couldn't be without her.

Unicornsatonalilo · 23/12/2025 14:21

Don't get on/am nc with all my brothers

Two are the golden children,another the invisible child and I'm the scapegoat

If they where all killed tomorrow,my day would go on as normal

One claims to be desperate to make contact again but hasn't bothered to reach out (bar a vague message via my dd) and I would refuse as hes not doing it for a relationship,hes doing it to put me back in my place as the scapegoat

It's very sad but it's life and the hand I'm dealt with in life

I have dp,his mum and my friends-I dont need nor want a relationship with them

ManyPigeons · 23/12/2025 14:23

Yes. Her personality is 90% one of my favourite people ever. Shes hilarious and generous and silly and smart and sensitive.

10% of her is like a great rift between us. Dramatic, selfish, overly emotional, always starting arguments and not behaving appropriately (drinks too much, brings men home around the kids, picks abusive or drug dealing men). She also is constantly in debt over crap.

I want to shake her and make her see how amazing her life could be.

asco · 23/12/2025 14:28

I don't have any full siblings but have a half brother and sister (twins) and I absolutely adore them and the ground they walk on - the fact that they are the sweetest and cutest 2yr olds is a huge bonus😂

Dh has a sister and 2 brothers and he, they, their partners and I are all super close, some work together and are without a doubt best friends, love and appreciate them all

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 23/12/2025 14:29

I get on with my sister more often than not. In some ways we are very similar and in others we are total opposites. There's no doubt that she's hard-working, capable and can be very helpful, but she can also be bossy and has a superior attitude that drives me mad if it comes out too often. Also, I think she expects everyone else to fit around her plans, but our parents don't think she does, so maybe IABU?

We generally get on better now we've got kids as I love her kids and she loves mine. Hers are absolutely adorable and I enjoy their company. But one thing I'd never say to my sister's face is that I don't like her eldest child's name much and think the youngest's name is awful. People always say on baby name threads that your family will get used to your chosen name and see it as part of the child. Nope, I feel embarrassed when people ask me what their names are. Poor kids.

mrlistersgelfbride · 23/12/2025 14:33

Well, I love him but he’s an addict who drains all our lives. So no, I don’t really like him.
I’ve just got on the phone from him, and he told me he won’t be seeing my parents this year at Christmas as he wants to be alone before he goes into a long term rehab centre.
We were close as kids but hard to believe how different we’ve turned out.

DP has 3 siblings, and only enjoys spending time with 1 of them.
In my eyes; siblings are over rated.

ThereIsATInWater · 23/12/2025 14:34

Have an older brother and a younger sister.

Um, can't remember when I last spoke to either of them other than a quick hello.

Actually it was probably last Christmas I last spent time with my sister at my parents.

My brother, possibly the spring?? Not entirely certain if that was this year or last though?!