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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you even like your adult sibling?

164 replies

Imjustwonderingnow · 22/12/2025 22:27

We live in different countries. Used to be very close as kids. Used to speak often. Slowly over the last 2 years had numerous small arguments but really I've realised our values are just totally different. I wouldn't choose to be friends with them in real Life. So now we just tolerate each other and send messages on birthdays etc. Is this normal for some ? If you've had the same tell your story. Of course I'm saddened by it ... I miss the person they used to be. I feel they've changed into someone I cannot relate to. That's fine ....but my internal peace is more important to me so I'm low contact. Our mum we both still have contact with her separately

OP posts:
canklesmctacotits · 22/12/2025 23:00

We don’t really have much in common, and one of them can be a right sanctimonious smug sulky twat sometimes. They’re not bad people, just annoying and ugh sometimes. But these are the siblings I have. If they asked me for the shirt off my back I’d give it to them, and they’d do the same for me.

Soonenough · 22/12/2025 23:00

Neither of my siblings are married or have children. They used to hang up on me because I was boring . Because I didn't like them smoking or getting drunk around my kids . But I helped both of them a lot . One brother is living with the consequences of his lifestyle choices and was angry that I didn't bail him out . Very stubborn and can't see any way but theirs . A big relief to take a step back but it does make me sad sometimes.

Bunniemalone · 22/12/2025 23:01

I have 5 siblings, one I dislike for various reasons, all quite serious & really do believe they are quite evil & they relish hurting & been generally nasty. Haven't spoken to them other than a nod at family gatherings for nigh on 35 years, other siblings also feel the same Was a relief when I went NC with them, I gave them no explanation, just didn't get in touch at all & they have never tried to contact me. I don't even know where they live nor them me.
Other 4, one lives overseas, quite a bit older than me & moved whist I was still tiny. They seem nice enough, but I really don't know them. 2 live a distance from me & we do phone & get together once a year at least, we get on well. Other lives round the corner & we speak most days & visit 3 or 4 times a month at least.

Fends · 22/12/2025 23:01

Love him. One of my favourite people

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 22/12/2025 23:01

No, they are both awful, awful people.

4forksache · 22/12/2025 23:02

I love mine. We are very different in looks and personality, but think the same and have the same values.

MyAgileHedgehog · 22/12/2025 23:03

My little brother is in another country. My older brother is a grade A cunt. I see very little of one and wish I saw less of the other.

FrankSinatraonToast · 22/12/2025 23:03

I'm the youngest of 3 and love my brother and sister. I'd do anything for them and can't imagine a life without them. My brother has a learning disability and lives semi independently. We live within a couple of miles of each other and see each other twice a week.

sesquipedalian · 22/12/2025 23:03

I don’t know what I’d do without my sisters - I speak to them most days. My brothers, on the other hand….

StrangewaysHereWeCome · 22/12/2025 23:05

Yes to one, no to the other.

I think whether your parent(s) are still around makes a lot of difference to sibling relationships - when there's no one to keep the peace for, or to mediate in arguments it's much, much easier to drift apart. We lost our parents young and since I've been an adult there's been no shared focus.

I saw this when FIL's parents died. I'd thought that he and his siblings were very close, but when his parents weren't around anymore they stopped seeing one another almost completely.

Wanttobeok · 22/12/2025 23:06

Love my older brother very much.

I suspect (actually I know) that I am an embarrassment to him

ETA Because of my weight.

BloodyBoilingInHere · 22/12/2025 23:06

No. From my point of view, she's a full on anti-vax conspiracy theorist who believes covid was a hoax/orchestrated by Bill gates in order to track us with microchips, and that a secret cabal of elite paedophiles run the world and drink the blood of tortured children in order to stay young and powerful, and that the late Queen Elizabeth II was a witch or a lizard.

From her point of view, I'm a brainwashed sheep who needs to wake up.

It's hard to find common ground.

Alpacajigsaw · 22/12/2025 23:08

Yes I do, I have one sister and we get along great

Shodan · 22/12/2025 23:08

Out of 5 siblings I like two, feel meh about two and loathe one as he is a nasty, violent piece of work. Fortunately I haven't seen him for at least two decades and have no reason to ever see him again.

I don't see the two I like as often as I'd like but we're all busy people and enjoy the time we do spend together.

MonGrainDeSel · 22/12/2025 23:08

I have three siblings. I get on best with the youngest (I'm the oldest). We're both women. I have two brothers who are more problematic. I wouldn't say I dislike them exactly but they are both really annoying in different ways. One is more annoying than the other.

I think the real answer is 'it's complicated'.

2DemisSVP · 22/12/2025 23:11

Love my sister dearly, but she moved to the other side of the world and doesn’t call me. Then it was awkward when she last visited. So, pretty sad really.

Delphiniumandlupins · 22/12/2025 23:13

I admire my siblings greatly. Don't dislike either of them but we do have quite different values on a lot of things. They're also very different to each other but we're all civil when we're together. When we visit each other it can get a bit awkward after a few days but I bite my tongue (and count my blessings).

Delphiniumandlupins · 22/12/2025 23:13

Double post

Gcn · 22/12/2025 23:17

I have a twin brother who I love very very much. We'd not spent much time together since we were children, but I spent 2 months with him earlier this year while our mum was ill. He is a wonderful wonderful person and someone who I trust implicitly. I miss him, he's coming over in Feb and I can't wait to see him.

onlymethen · 22/12/2025 23:20

I’m really lucky love my siblings to bits all very individual to each other and have chosen different life styles.

maybe that’s why it works.

Bushmillsbabe · 22/12/2025 23:21

1 younger brother, we got on fine through childhood, really close in our 20's, lived together for a few years out of choice. He was really supportive when I married my DH (and they get on really well) and through health challenges with our oldest, and is a great uncle. But his now wife is controlling and very possessive of him, and he tends to go along with what she wishes for an easy life - he lacks confidence in himself I think and she uses that to her advantage. He tends to visit us without her, and when we visit she usually has 'an emergency' which means she isn't there, same with my parents, who are the kindest most generous people. It's a shame, I wish better for him, but any attempt to discuss drives a bigger wedge between us. I love him deeply, but there is an element of sadness for the relationship we once had I think, and I know my parents feel the loss too.

onlymethen · 22/12/2025 23:21

2DemisSVP · 22/12/2025 23:11

Love my sister dearly, but she moved to the other side of the world and doesn’t call me. Then it was awkward when she last visited. So, pretty sad really.

That’s so sad, maybe she felt bad for leaving you.

Ohthatsabitshit · 22/12/2025 23:22

I secretly love all of mine and wish we saw more of each other but sadly they think I’m a bit annoying and boring. I probably am to be fair. I love it when we do see each other but I find it totally exhausting.

jetlag92 · 22/12/2025 23:22

Absolutely - I love all three of my sibling - but if you have to make a sort of effort at any relationship - friends/spouses/relations

Happilyobtuse · 22/12/2025 23:24

I love my sister to bits and miss her terribly. She lives abroad so I only get to see her one or two times a year. I hope that changes in future. We are two peas in a pod! We are very close in age but she treats me like a kid and endlessly pampers me. Always buys me expensive presents when she travels on work and tells me all the gossip back home so we can have a laugh! Can’t imagine my life without her! So supportive, kind and lovely!