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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you even like your adult sibling?

164 replies

Imjustwonderingnow · 22/12/2025 22:27

We live in different countries. Used to be very close as kids. Used to speak often. Slowly over the last 2 years had numerous small arguments but really I've realised our values are just totally different. I wouldn't choose to be friends with them in real Life. So now we just tolerate each other and send messages on birthdays etc. Is this normal for some ? If you've had the same tell your story. Of course I'm saddened by it ... I miss the person they used to be. I feel they've changed into someone I cannot relate to. That's fine ....but my internal peace is more important to me so I'm low contact. Our mum we both still have contact with her separately

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 23/12/2025 06:00

yes but we see each other rarely, living so far away, i have to search my memory to find things she has annoyed me about,
that's siblings for you.

EleanorReally · 23/12/2025 06:01

as said above, our core values are the same.

ThatLemonBear · 23/12/2025 06:04

One brother, even as children we weren’t close, now see each other a couple of times a year through our parents. When they are gone I doubt I’ll ever see or speak to him again. No massive animosity I just feel nothing for him and I’m sure he feels the same way

OttersMayHaveShifted · 23/12/2025 06:14

Yes, she's fab! There's nobody I enjoy us spending time with more than my sister and her family.

Holdonforsummer · 23/12/2025 06:19

I don’t like or love my brother: he is a selfish, materialistic snob. I used to see him once or twice a year to keep the peace but now I just say no. Sad but I literally have no pleasant feelings towards him at all. I don’t think it helps that he was a vicious child and my mum has never acknowledged that..

Stbernadettesteacher · 23/12/2025 06:46

Love my Dsis but she lives abroad and lives also increasingly in the past. Since leaving Britain she has talked on loop about our childhood and, depending on the type of influences she is around she paints a more and more distorted picture and wants me to agree with her. When I refuse she threatens to cut me out so it’s a delicate dance staying in her good books.

StarlightLady · 23/12/2025 06:47

My sister has always been there for me, l love her ❤️.

crackerjackbaby · 23/12/2025 06:48

Ups and downs galore.

Tulipsriver · 23/12/2025 06:50

Yes, she's one of my favourite people in the world. I can take or leave my stepsiblings, but there is a big age gap so we didn't grow up together.

Pricelessadvice · 23/12/2025 06:52

We are pretty close growing up, despite an age gap. He changed when he got his job and even more so when he met his slightly odd now wife.
We mostly get on when we are together but he irritates me because he’s a bit ‘know all’. He also said some quite nasty things about me a couple of years back, which I confronted him about. He’s certainly tried to improve his behaviour towards me since so I think he realised he was wrong.
I guess relationships change but we can still have a laugh together.

Pineappleice43 · 23/12/2025 07:34

I've got 3 siblings. I don't love them but I wouldn't want anything to happen to them. We don't talk much. Youngest is egotistical and self centred. Older siblings is kind but dopey at the best of times and other sibling I get on with the most and we're aligned in our values but lives the other end of the country.

Disappointing but our childhood was disjointed so I can see why we never formed bonds.

LancashireButterPie · 23/12/2025 08:12

I only have one, a DSis. We speak daily, sometimes for 2 hours! I adore her.
I am from a huge (Irish) family with many first cousins and we all get along brilliantly. I honestly can't ever remember any drama. I think I'm closer to my cousin's than most of my friends are to their siblings.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 23/12/2025 08:18

No, she's a relentless bully. Aggressive, critical, snobbish. Just an unpleasant person to be with.

HugglesAndSnuggles · 23/12/2025 08:20

We’ve kind of drifted apart over the last three years and I just know we wouldn’t be friends if we met in real life. In fact, there isn’t one single place that she goes that I’d have any interest in going to. Shame but it’s just how it goes.

YellowCherry · 23/12/2025 08:23

I have a brother. We don't have a lot in common and don't see each other often, but I know we'd be able to rely on each other in an emergency.

DancingLions · 23/12/2025 08:44

Sadly no. We are very different people, absolutely nothing in common. She has significant MH issues, which I have tried over the years to be supportive/understanding of but its just never ending and she refuses to seek help. I've had to step back for the sake of my own MH.

People often seem to fret about wanting to give an only child a sibling. But it really is a roll of the dice whether that sibling would be a blessing or a burden in later life! A lot of adult siblings I know are just neutral to each other. I don't think it's that common to be super close.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 23/12/2025 08:47

I love my DB and am only sorry he lives at the other end of the country and is in poor health. He sometimes surprises me by driving up to see me on a whim and it is so lovely to see him (and his fabulous wife). Wish I could see more of them both - maybe this year!

Mistymeg · 23/12/2025 08:53

sprigatito · 22/12/2025 22:33

I love my older brother very much, but he’s a difficult man. I have no contact with my older sister or younger brother, nor any of my younger adopted siblings. And no contact with my mother either. We’re a very fractured family with a lot of historical abuse and mental health problems.

I could have written this. Dysfunctional family, parents who let us (and each other) down at almost every turn. Doesn’t lay the foundations for future healthy relationships. My eldest brother and I fought like cat and dog growing up, he was so selfish (and still is), and bullied me to watch whatever he wanted on our only tv, wouldn’t lend me his things. I was so generous and put others first, so our values haven’t aligned since we were younger. It’s civil but forced and he makes less effort than me.

my other brother has so many problems I wouldn’t know where to start, kind heart but eating problem (morbidly obese), doesn’t have a single friend and hasn’t done for decades, one gf in his lifetime but many years ago now. I feel really really really sorry for him and the guilt I have eats away at me everyday of my life. Has no social or communication skills, just talks over everyone and will raise his voice until the other person backs down, can be quite short tempered. Hard to speak to or be around and frankly, told me years ago he doesn’t want my sympathy, so I’ve tried to not get too involved but I don’t see how he can turn things around. It’s so sad.

my sister. Boy oh boy. I’ve written many threads on here about her. I wouldn’t know where to start. Endless cycle of relationships that fail, money problems, in debt, no money to rent long term so is in/out flat shares and asking to move in with me (again) is entitled and ungrateful once she does get her foot through the door. We do not speak.

our dad died and no one has a real relationship with mum. She’s an alcoholic. Believe it or not we were privately educated and went through spells of having money and then not as kids, it all starts at home. It’s a mess. Im happier without them but grieve the family I see others having. The normal family, this thread gives me comfort.

Ineedanewsofa · 23/12/2025 08:54

Not particularly, we were never close as kids and her main topic of conversation seems to be slagging people off who I’ve never met which I have no time for.
We get on the best we ever have because I no longer rise to it when she tries to wind me up and I hold my boundaries (I have asked her to leave my house before due to how she was behaving, she’s not been as bad since).
The balance of power has shifted in my favour and she knows it so she generally behaves decently when she’s here (twice a year, max!)

ShesTheAlbatross · 23/12/2025 08:55

Nah not really. I don’t actively dislike them really, but if we were colleagues rather than sisters, we wouldn’t be friends. I’d view them as mildly annoying but tolerable.

Ponoka7 · 23/12/2025 08:59

My older sister plays mind games with us, turns up ridiculously late etc. We invite her because otherwise she'd be alone. She went down the 'free Palestine' rabbit hole years ago, she got overly involved with Trans rights (which she's now done a turn around on)(insert any, ill thought out, other badwagon) and wonders why her MH is bad. Considering we are from African background, I do puzzle why she ignores the Congo/Sudan/women's rights in Uganda/Nigeria etc.

Mistymeg · 23/12/2025 09:00

Soonenough · 22/12/2025 23:00

Neither of my siblings are married or have children. They used to hang up on me because I was boring . Because I didn't like them smoking or getting drunk around my kids . But I helped both of them a lot . One brother is living with the consequences of his lifestyle choices and was angry that I didn't bail him out . Very stubborn and can't see any way but theirs . A big relief to take a step back but it does make me sad sometimes.

It’s almost as though you help them enough times that when you draw the line, you’re the bad one. This is what it was like with my sister and she wouldn’t take no for ab answer when I drew the line.

Careful who you save, some people with drown you.

MargoLivebetter · 23/12/2025 09:00

Love them, don't always like them. Disagree with them quite vehemently on a fair few topics. However, we are there for each other whenever sibling support is needed.

Nighttimeistherightime · 23/12/2025 09:01

I absolutely love my brother. Although he’s older, I’ve spent a lot of my life having to care for him- the storyline in Love Actually is painfully similar. Now he is well and for many years has been my biggest ally, the best Uncle ever, my protector and my biggest fan. He still drives me mad sometimes but he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him now and he only ever brings joy to my life.
Sounds over the top but I’ve nearly lost him so many times and there has been so much darkness in the past, that I appreciate everything about him now.

Hedjwitch · 23/12/2025 09:02

V close to one and close to another. Non contact with one ( his choice) and non contact with another ( my choice)