to think wedding vows are a load of tosh?

[BeQuirkyMintScroller]

All anyone can promise is to be honest.

Just the idea that you can promise to always feel a certain way no matter what life throws at you for the the rest of your life is insane. You cant really choose your feelings.

AIBU to think that the only vow should be:

"I will always be honest [with you about how I feel]"

and maybe a second one of

"I will not get angry with you for being honest"

I have been to lots of weddings that wildly promise feelings of forever and always. But then again I've never married so am not really qualified!

Mnetters experienced in love and war - AIBU?

I refer you to the original post. Isn't that derogatory to those who do make and take their wedding vows seriously as a commitment to their relationship and each other?

But the traditional wedding vows don't promise to always feel a certain way. They promise to love, which is an action quite apart from any feeling. I would agree it would be ridiculous to promise to always feel love or be in love. I committed to loving my kids, even when they were driving me up the wall, or I felt I didn't always like them as teenagers. Its very hard to feel warm and fuzzy when faced with a teenage bedroom at its worst. In the same way my dh and I committed to love each other regardless of finances, illness or disagreements. I do think the vows are achievable provide both partners understand this and are prepared to work at it. After 40 years we still love each other, despite our differences and disagreements.

Just to add I'm not saying if you make the traditional vows you should never walk away because some things invalidate them anyway. For example no-one should put up with abuse, whether that's physical, emotional or financial, regardless of any vows. I would never advocate staying in this sort of situation. I'm just saying they can be achievable.

We just got married this year (second time for both of us). We eloped on the train, got married, had a few champagnes and some food and went home on the train. We picked what vows were included (in Scotland so one is a legal requirement) so it was basically just I do. But, we did write a wee thing to each other about how we met, why we had almost instant love and why we wanted to marry etc. it was sweet and funny and the registrar said it was the nicest speeches she'd ever heard at a wedding! I wanted to say how I felt about my husband without it being just vows.

As per every thread on marriage. The divorce rate is not an indication of marriage failure. It is the number of divorces in the year divided by the number of marriages. The reason that it is high and increasing is completely down to less people getting married. The actual number of marriages ending is at it's lowest since the 1970s.
So less people are marrying as threads like this show, but those that are marrying are less likely to end their marriage than over the last 45 years. This is because marriage is rarely a financial or societal requirement now so people are free to make the choice and plenty don't want to, probably for all the reasons given on here. But those that do are taking their vows very seriously and they do mean something to them by and large.
It's still generally an advantageous strategy if you are having children for all sorts of legal reasons, and when children are involved then maybe you aren't wanting 10 year relationships and moving on to new partners.

To call them 'tosh' is very disingenuous for the millions across the world who completely believe in them and have long lasting happy marriages.

I married in church 29 years ago. I meant my vows then and I try to live them now (though I didn’t promise to obey and would never have been willing to). We’re at the ‘in sickness’ part now; DH (who has also meant and lived his vows) is in hospital waiting for a heart bypass). If you think the C of E liturgy is tosh, don’t have it.