Page 6 | to think wedding vows are a load of tosh?

Cigarette · 22/12/2025 23:18

ClovisWrites · 22/12/2025 22:51

The whole point of marriage is that you accept it’s forever, and from that, you find a way through the inevitable differences, challenges and arguments, because you know you must face them all, not run away.

If you don’t accept it’s forever, you’re not really married.

We live in an age in which people equate cynicism with cleverness, sincerity with naivety, and devotion to institutions with stupidity. These attitudes are deeply mistaken and are not serving anyone.

Respectfully, that’s silly. I do associate devotion to the institution of marriage with stupidity, and for good reason. Marriage used to be forever for entirely patriarchal reasons, to do with property and lineage, just as female fidelity used to be policed so that a man knew who has was leaving his money/land/name to.

Fortunately we’ve outgrown this kind of nonsense.

Cigarette · 22/12/2025 23:19

InterIgnis · 22/12/2025 23:17

Well no, marriage isn’t a metaphysical concept, it’s a legal contract that unites two individuals. If you’ve legally married then you’re married, there’s no ‘well, not really’ at that point.

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Yes, but it’s a legal contract that can also be ended, quite easily. Divorce no longer comes with any stigma.

ClovisWrites · 22/12/2025 23:23

InterIgnis · 22/12/2025 23:17

Well no, marriage isn’t a metaphysical concept, it’s a legal contract that unites two individuals. If you’ve legally married then you’re married, there’s no ‘well, not really’ at that point.

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Marriage is a metaphysical concept, but one that has been recognised by our laws. (Just as many crimes are in fact moral judgments recognised and enforced by our laws.)

Dollybantree · 22/12/2025 23:27

The whole point of marriage is that you accept it’s forever, and from that, you find a way through the inevitable differences, challenges and arguments, because you know you must face them all, not run away.

This is a very simplistic view. If someone is abusive or turns out not to be the person you thought you’d married then you absolutely have every right to end the marriage. Women often say “he changed after we married/had children”. Sometimes people just fall out of love - should they stay together for the sake of “vows”?. It’s ridiculous. Nowadays there is no reason for women to stay for the fear of being shamed or sent to the poorhouse or whatever. I’d never want one of my dc’s to stay in an unhappy relationship.

wouldnotswapwithyou · 22/12/2025 23:28

Rightsraptor · 22/12/2025 08:04

Are you sure about that? Everything I've read says that each of the couple have to declare that they don't know of any impediment to the marriage, otherwise it's not a marriage legally, in E&W anyway. There shouldn't be anyone who is exempt from that.

The usual thing when a religious ceremony doesn't comply with legal requirements is to have a low-key civil ceremony either before or after the religious one.

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That’s not said in a Catholic wedding and it’s legally binding.

ruethewhirl · 22/12/2025 23:31

It's a statement of intent. Well, that's my view on it anyway.

Superscientist · 22/12/2025 23:35

We have never had a wedding we have been together nearly 20 years and got a civil partnership in 2023. We went with the pop in and sign a document option with 2 witnesses followed by a nice meal. It wasn't flashy with no public announcements of affection but it was true to us.

I care a lot more about a person's actions than the words they say in front of others. I find it so amusing when I see social media posts people gushing about how perfect their spouse is when I know a month earlier one party moved in with their parent for a few weeks as they had enough of being the family person.

My grandparents were married for 69 years and 10 months and right up until their 90s they were utterly loved up. My grandad moved his chair next to my grans every night so they could hold hands whilst they watched TV. They were always quiet in their love but their actions showed devotion every day.

InterIgnis · 22/12/2025 23:36

ClovisWrites · 22/12/2025 23:23

Marriage is a metaphysical concept, but one that has been recognised by our laws. (Just as many crimes are in fact moral judgments recognised and enforced by our laws.)

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Marriage predates all the current major world religions, and exists independently of religion and/or spirituality. It is very much of the actual definable world.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/12/2025 23:43

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 22/12/2025 10:48

I agree OP! Traditional wedding vows are outdated nonsense and I think so many people don't understand them and therefore don't keep to them. So I just asked AI to write a modern version…

I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wife/husband and my favorite person—even when you are absolutely unbearable. From this day forward, I promise to choose you on the worst days: the days when we’re exhausted, irritated, overworked, under-caffeinated, and questioning every life decision that led us here. I vow to love you when we’re broke, stressed, sick, grumpy, or fighting over something deeply stupid. I promise to stay when things get hard, when we annoy each other, when one of us is clearly in the wrong but refuses to admit it. I vow to show up, to try, to grow, and yes—to keep my d*ck in my pants. I will love you, cherish you, and choose you again and again—even on the days when loving you is a conscious effort—for as long as we both shall live.

Edited

I'd rather promise to obey DP (which he would find immensely amusing, but if we were ever in a situation where he'd be ordering me to do something, it would be a life or death situation and I'd know it was time to shut up and just do whatever it was) than spout that nasty, puerile AI generated shite.

Netcurtainnelly · 22/12/2025 23:45

They did change them
You used to have to obey your husband.

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:24

I think you’re wrong. They’re a load of tosh if you’re saying them and don’t mean them but if you mean them then you take them seriously. My parents have been married 36 years now, took every vow seriously still in love and support each other in whatever way is needed. I’m so lucky to have the parents I have but what they have together is something SO rare now. Marriage in my opinion has become really devalued as have relationships - it’s a real shame

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:26

Dollybantree · 22/12/2025 23:27

The whole point of marriage is that you accept it’s forever, and from that, you find a way through the inevitable differences, challenges and arguments, because you know you must face them all, not run away.

This is a very simplistic view. If someone is abusive or turns out not to be the person you thought you’d married then you absolutely have every right to end the marriage. Women often say “he changed after we married/had children”. Sometimes people just fall out of love - should they stay together for the sake of “vows”?. It’s ridiculous. Nowadays there is no reason for women to stay for the fear of being shamed or sent to the poorhouse or whatever. I’d never want one of my dc’s to stay in an unhappy relationship.

No I wouldn’t want mine too either and with something like abuse or cheating you’re breaking the vows you made so the other party has every right to leave.

BUT - I do think marriage has become much more devalued and lots of marriages end that could potentially have survived and thrived with a bit of work

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:27

Macaroni46 · 22/12/2025 21:29

But if you discover you’re with the wrong person it can be a living hell. Often a person’s true colours don’t emerge until after you’re married.
I meant my vows when I got married but being abused both physically and mentally meant I had to break those vows for my DC’s and my sake. I’d far rather have had a stable and lasting marriage but I was living with a narcissist bully.

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Yes so in that situation your husband broke the vows he made and you have every right to leave

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/12/2025 00:31

We did our own. But then we didn't get married in a church as neither of us are Christians and would never make false vows to a God we don't believe in.

Fedupmumofadultsons · 23/12/2025 00:32

BeQuirkyMintScroller · 22/12/2025 07:30

All anyone can promise is to be honest.

Just the idea that you can promise to always feel a certain way no matter what life throws at you for the the rest of your life is insane. You cant really choose your feelings.

AIBU to think that the only vow should be:

"I will always be honest [with you about how I feel]"

and maybe a second one of

"I will not get angry with you for being honest"

I have been to lots of weddings that wildly promise feelings of forever and always. But then again I've never married so am not really qualified!

Mnetters experienced in love and war - AIBU?

Sorry but you are totally wrong because I ment mine and been here for over 30 years good times and bad ..sometimes a small white lie keeps a marriage going. Clearly I don't mean lying over big thing .like financial and infidelity. That would have been a total no no .no second chances

Stompingupthemountain · 23/12/2025 00:33

Agree OP and it’s one of the reasons I don’t want to get married. Nobody can guarantee the future or what their feelings might be in the future. I don’t want to promise to be with someone forever, I want to be free to leave a relationship when I stop wanting to be in it. I don’t think it’s aspirational, desirable or necessary to be with the same person forever. That, and I’d feel like a right tit saying them. I’m not shy, I actually love public speaking, but wedding vows are so cringeworthy. Every wedding I’ve been to my insides have been churning with cringe at the vows.

Stompingupthemountain · 23/12/2025 00:34

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:26

No I wouldn’t want mine too either and with something like abuse or cheating you’re breaking the vows you made so the other party has every right to leave.

BUT - I do think marriage has become much more devalued and lots of marriages end that could potentially have survived and thrived with a bit of work

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When a relationship starts needing work, it’s no longer a relationship I’m interested in maintaining.

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/12/2025 00:36

@Stompingupthemountain You're.never going to be in a long-term relationship then?

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:37

Stompingupthemountain · 23/12/2025 00:34

When a relationship starts needing work, it’s no longer a relationship I’m interested in maintaining.

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Why? Relationships or marriages aren’t always just going to be perfect and wonderful all the time. Needing work doesn’t mean someone has done something unforgivable it could just mean you’re taking each other for granted. And at that point you’d walk away?

Stompingupthemountain · 23/12/2025 01:20

Mrsnothingthanks · 23/12/2025 00:36

@Stompingupthemountain You're.never going to be in a long-term relationship then?

I’ve been in one for several years. It’s easy, natural, and enhances my life. It doesn’t take effort or work, it just works. If it stops being like that, then I’d end it.

Stompingupthemountain · 23/12/2025 01:24

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:37

Why? Relationships or marriages aren’t always just going to be perfect and wonderful all the time. Needing work doesn’t mean someone has done something unforgivable it could just mean you’re taking each other for granted. And at that point you’d walk away?

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Personally if any relationship, be it romantic or platonic or familial or professional, starts demanding more of me than I’m willing to give then yes, I’d rather walk away than continue something where the positives don’t outweigh the negatives.

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 01:29

Stompingupthemountain · 23/12/2025 01:24

Personally if any relationship, be it romantic or platonic or familial or professional, starts demanding more of me than I’m willing to give then yes, I’d rather walk away than continue something where the positives don’t outweigh the negatives.

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It’s not always that simple though. Life happens. I was in a relationship where he had a bad accident and was left paralysed and in a wheelchair for life and he hated me and took it all out on me. Granted it ended eventually but you just can’t always predict life.

SouthernNights59 · 23/12/2025 02:12

No-one is forcing you to make them. How about you do what you want to do and let others get on with what suits them?

unbelievablybelievable · 23/12/2025 02:45

We have certainly been tested through the "for poorer, for richer" and "in sickness and in health" parts of our wedding vows over the last 25 years. And we have stood by our vows. So no, I don't think they're a load of tosh. If you consider them a load of tosh, you've married the wrong person.

FlyingCatGirl · 23/12/2025 07:59

FromageTime · 22/12/2025 20:15

We meant ours. Been very happily married for 30 years.

People shouldn’t get married if they think it’s not a serious and lifelong commitment.

If you're in a good relationship, it's a good regardless of the vows. Weddings are a commercialisation of a medieval ritual, it's not something that will magically make you stay together, that's why there are plenty of divorces and people who've been married several times - it's a paid, staged event that's all. People who want to cheat or can't settle in relationships don't change just because they paid to say some vows.