Page 7 | Aibu to feel annoyed in laws have invited friends over on Christmas day

Indiaplain · 2025-12-21T22:08:58+00:00

We are visiting my PiL for Christmas - they live abroad so this happens rarely. My MiL was delighted we are going. However she called DH today and casually mentioned they had also invited some friends over for Christmas Day. Im feeling annoyed as it changes the whole dynamic. My teenage DC were not looking forward to it anyway (very long journey, not much to do there, very rural plus they are not close to the PiL) - neither was I but thought maybe a good opportunity for them to spend together, and was trying to think positively. Aibu to feel so annoyed about this? They’re big drinkers as are most of their friends so now I’m thinking it’s going to turn into a big drunken session (MiL has brought a karaoke machine - my DC’s nightmare tbh!).

user1492757084 · 22/12/2025 11:13

They are proud to have you there with their friends.
What is the drama?
The teenagers will like the different personalities.

snowmichael · 22/12/2025 11:17

Their house, their choice who to invite

MaloryJones · 22/12/2025 11:48

Kisskiss · 22/12/2025 01:23

I think yabu, it’s their house. When I read the title I thought the in laws had invited guests to OPs house!

Yeah I thought that too tbf

MyBirthdayMonth · 22/12/2025 12:00

Being able to socialise for a short time with people you don't know well is an important life skill. If your teenagers haven't got to grips with it yet, this will be a learning opportunity for them.

PensionedCruiser · 22/12/2025 12:15

Indiaplain · 22/12/2025 10:36

I think I’ll have to come back and update this thread on Boxing Day as it could go either way! I’m open to it being fun and enjoy a glass or 2 but PiL are expats and the drinking/socialising culture is different. I’m not keen on being around people getting v drunk( which will prob be the case). It makes me feel uneasy.
I’m pretty sure they do like us and haven’t invited friends to dilute us .. MiL cried (with happiness!) when we booked our tickets to come and I thought maybe it’s be a good opportunity for rare family time.
I’m a bit shy around people I don’t know. I wish I wasn’t but it can make me a bit quiet.
paradoxically- I actually enjoy karaoke and have had brilliant nights with groups of friends who I’ve known years. My voice is terrible so I’m far too self conscious to sing in front of people I don’t know!

Although this is some 50 years ago when I was in my late teens, my parents were abroad and I had to mix with their friends - the expats. By golly, could they drink. I remember how stingy they all were with soft drinks because they bought them in as mixers for their own very alcoholic tipples.

That said, they were quite a friendly sociable bunch before they got too drunk (no one will remember your karaoke attempts, I'm sure). Just have escapes planned when drunkeness sets in (and political discussions). You'll probably manage better than you think and your teens will be disgusted by 'old people' antics 😀

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 22/12/2025 12:26

i don’t think they have done anything wrong. Its their house and at Christmas it should be the more the merrier. Maybe they find you and your children hard work so they thought more people would lighten the atmosphere! I don’t enjoy doing karaoke but i would happily watch others take part. Why should everything be planned around your dc and why can’t your dc cope with other people around? No wonder adults these days are always complaining that children/ teens are socially inept!

OneSpunkyBiscuit · 22/12/2025 12:37

I would be upset too.

liveforsummer · 22/12/2025 12:43

They have probably embraced the local culture. PIL also live abroad and it’s the norm to have family and friends in and out visiting and sharing a drink on days such as Xmas and NY as well as birthdays and any other excuse for a celebration . Often will pop in unannounced too. Try to embrace it too.

bumblingbovine49 · 22/12/2025 12:57

I am in two minds here because that sounds like a lot of fun to me but I also know my very introverted DS with ADHD and ASD would absolutely hate it.

Inviting friends is an absolute non issue for me and DS would be warned who was to be there but for him, it wouldn't matter as he would not speak to anyone anyway. I would have already prepared the hosts to expect DS not to speak much if at all and that he would probably listen to music/podcasts on his earphones during dinner

Re the karaoke - What I would do is prepare DS for what was going to happen and talk to ILs about the possibility of him escaping to a room on his own if he could not cope it at all . I would find out how long it was likely to last but in the end DS knows that sometimes things are not exactly as he would prefer them and he rides it out with his noise cancelling earphones.

My main problem would be that I would champing at the bit to take part in the karaoke but really would not be able to as DS might be able to stand it for a while but only if DH and I absolutely did not take part. Us doing so would be the final straw for him - (Sigh the things we give up for love of our children )

I am not sure what to say op but it would not occur to me to ask my hosts to not do something they planned for Christmas, despite having an ASD, ADHD 21 year old DS who really struggles with anxiety, new people and change. We would work it out. In the most extreme scenario, we might book a hotel room for the day/night and DH and DS would retreat there on Xmas night , while I enjoyed the karaoke 😉

TheGrinchWasHere · 22/12/2025 13:00

I would love an expat Christmas over our boring stiff family get together with family who barely have a thing to say to each other!

Can we swop lives for a day???

Notmyreality · 22/12/2025 13:20

Indiaplain · 22/12/2025 10:36

I think I’ll have to come back and update this thread on Boxing Day as it could go either way! I’m open to it being fun and enjoy a glass or 2 but PiL are expats and the drinking/socialising culture is different. I’m not keen on being around people getting v drunk( which will prob be the case). It makes me feel uneasy.
I’m pretty sure they do like us and haven’t invited friends to dilute us .. MiL cried (with happiness!) when we booked our tickets to come and I thought maybe it’s be a good opportunity for rare family time.
I’m a bit shy around people I don’t know. I wish I wasn’t but it can make me a bit quiet.
paradoxically- I actually enjoy karaoke and have had brilliant nights with groups of friends who I’ve known years. My voice is terrible so I’m far too self conscious to sing in front of people I don’t know!

I think this whole thread is about you being out of your comfort zone - quiet, tightly wound, almost stereotypically British tbh. I think you need to learn how to loosen up and engage with something different - you might enjoy yourself. As for the PIL being ex-pats and the “drinking culture is different” I suspect they are perfectly normal outgoing people. You are doing yourself a disservice by painting them as somehow odd.

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

GalaxyJam · 22/12/2025 13:42

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

Im not sure this is the same as the situation described in the OP.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 22/12/2025 13:48

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

Not in any way comparable to the OPs situation though is it?

PensionedCruiser · 22/12/2025 13:59

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

My upbringing was similar, except it was my grandparents who were the publicans and their (adult) children the massive boozers. You have my sympathy.

InveterateWineDrinker · 22/12/2025 14:09

Who the hell accepts invitations but only on the condition that nobody else attends? Regardless of whether the end result is your cup of tea or not, this kind of attitude really comes across as selfish and ungrateful.

TheGrinchWasHere · 22/12/2025 14:09

OP have you said which country your in laws are expats in? I need to add to my vicarious Christmas with your family and location is key. Hoping it’s somewhere warm and tropical!

ComedyGuns · 22/12/2025 14:11

InveterateWineDrinker · 22/12/2025 14:09

Who the hell accepts invitations but only on the condition that nobody else attends? Regardless of whether the end result is your cup of tea or not, this kind of attitude really comes across as selfish and ungrateful.

This!! Get a grip!

Dapplesun · 22/12/2025 14:12

I’m not one for karaoke etc normally, but this sounds like an ideal fun Xmas? Agree with go with an open mind…you could all really enjoy yourselves. If your staying and the friends are only there for Xmas day, you’ll have plenty of other time with just GPs? Walks to explore the area etc and board games? I only wish my children had any GPs that were interested in them AT ALL, drinks and karaoke or not. It is only a few hours. I think you’re over thinking it OP and making yourself anxious, you don’t have to sing, cheer everyone else on, chat and serve some drinks and snacks

5128gap · 22/12/2025 14:20

Life is about experiences OP, part of which is sering how other people behave and do things. Sometimes its good, sometimes not so good, but always interesting.
Personally I'd go armed with an open mind and a SOH. If its absolutely dire then you DH and your DC should be able to see the funny side. You're altogether in one place on Christmas day, having the experience together, and that's the main thing.

AmyDuPlantier · 22/12/2025 14:53

ttcat37 · 22/12/2025 04:40

YANBU it sounds dreadful. Think I’d be inclined to cancel the trip- if they only rarely see you all and can’t prioritise the chance to spend time with their GC over friends then I would not make the effort to travel there. Get a Sainsbury’s Christmas dinner in a box and enjoy yourselves!

Jesus. Some of the miseries on here are unreal.

Cancel an entire holiday and stay home with a ready meal because the GPs are having Other People round for dinner.

🤣🤣🤣

AmyDuPlantier · 22/12/2025 14:55

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 22/12/2025 13:30

My childhood was blighted by this exact kind of thing. My parents were publicans and massive boozers who spent their night off visiting other pubs! They also invited their ever changing drinking buddies (even once a male friend and his mistress behind his wife’s back) on every family holiday or occasion.

My dad was also a drunk driver who thought nothing of having a massive skinful and driving is back to an apartment in Spain with my brother and I in the back. It was made quite clear we were in the way and told to go and amuse ourselves.

Finally once we got to early teens they left us behind in the care of the pub cleaner or any random employee they could find to “look after us”.

Totally up to you and you know them and how they’ll be but I wouldn’t go.

This has precisely zero to do with the OPs situation 🤷‍♀️

maddiemookins16mum · 22/12/2025 15:04

Maybe the change of dynamic might improve things.

Bluedenimdoglover · 22/12/2025 15:41

Why worry, unless they have no WIFI? Most youngsters would rather be glued to their phones, so what goes on around them us pretty irrelevant.

grlwhowrites · 22/12/2025 15:42

Stompingupthemountain · 22/12/2025 10:38

This makes absolutely no sense because SIL’s grandparents presumably are people she knows and loves. So if you think Christmas is all about family then this scenario meets that criteria. Surely you didn’t expect your BIL and SIL to not invite members of their family just for your comfort? The double standards here.

Show quote history

There's a boatload of assumptions you made there based on a personal anecdote by a stranger online.

No, I didn't expect SIL to not invite her grandparents. Where did I say that? I didn't. I did say that I went, was sat next to them and made polite small talk, as I explained. Brother and SIL sat them next to me bc I am chatty and they knew I'd make them feel welcome, as I did. Privately, I didn't enjoy myself at all and wouldn't want to do it again. I didn't like that it fell on me to entertain someone else's in-laws, who I'd never met before, during Christmas dinner.

How horrible of me, what a truly heinous person I must be to have been nothing but polite and friendly to complete strangers on Christmas Day and then anonymously admit online that I didn't find it fun! 😱