Aibu to feel annoyed in laws have invited friends over on Christmas day

[Indiaplain]

We are visiting my PiL for Christmas - they live abroad so this happens rarely. My MiL was delighted we are going. However she called DH today and casually mentioned they had also invited some friends over for Christmas Day.

Im feeling annoyed as it changes the whole dynamic. My teenage DC were not looking forward to it anyway (very long journey, not much to do there, very rural plus they are not close to the PiL) - neither was I but thought maybe a good opportunity for them to spend together, and was trying to think positively. Aibu to feel so annoyed about this?

They’re big drinkers as are most of their friends so now I’m thinking it’s going to turn into a big drunken session (MiL has brought a karaoke machine - my DC’s nightmare tbh!).

Indeed. It’s their house they can invite who they want. For all you know they always invite friends over at Xmas. Are they supposed to stop because OP turns up? Maybe they are just nice friendly people who like to open their house and share Xmas far and wide - you know, the opposite of the miserable Brit attitude.

Then I think you need to take a couple of their favorite board games that they can play in another room.

I only ever see the "my little family" trope trotted out on mumsnet.
We had a non family member with us last Christmas, and have a friend of DD's coming to stay this Christmas.

I wish I lived nearer the rest of my family as I love big family get togethers at Christmas.

YANBU and neither are they. You're different people. I would feel the same, karaoke is such a marmite thing. I agree with the poster above, take a board game.. in fact buy a couple of board games as Xmas gifts if you haven't already (the traitors one looks good).. tell them clearly your kids are not into karaoke at all (who really is at that age).. different room with your games and be firm. Keep repeating... "Oh karaoke just isn't for them at all, but you have fun"... don't let them force it on you.

I think it’s sounds fun. I love a party vibe at Christmas. But each to their own and I can understand people want different things from the day.

They can do Christmas Day how they wish however so you might just have to suck it up this year and make sure you plan exactly what you want next year where you aren’t involved with others.

Me too. 😄

It won't be just a day though will it?

If I knew there would be karaoke somewhere I'd develop the flu or noro

I disagree with this. To me it sounds more like they can’t be bothered to spend quality time with their grandchildren. Why invite the OP and her family if they wanted to spend the day drinking and doing karaoke with their friends? It’s the height of bad manners to invite people over to stay and then not think about your responsibilities as a host.

I would raise this with them before I committed to going-it’s not too late to back out.

God I dont blame them . You sound deadly.

It’s not too late to say that you’ve decided to have Christmas at home this year and you’ll see them on another day. The shops are still open for food shopping. It’s sounds like you in-laws have plenty of company and will have a lovely day regardless.

At least they gave you a head's up! My in-laws have form for inviting friends for Christmas when we're visiting and just not bothering to mention it to us until they turned up. Then all get merry speaking almost exclusively their mother tongue and I sit feeling a bit of a spare part (yes I have tried to learn their language but it's an exceptionally difficult one and I doubt I'll ever be conversational).

Obviously they're totally entitled to do this, but I do get how you feel OP. It changes the dynamic a lot.

That's refreshingly honest of you, OP. Kudos for this.

No one would have to be an 'introvert' to be appalled by the very idea of Christmas caterwauling, not least when it's formalised by the horror of a karaoke machine! Especially in a location you have absolutely no option of getting away from.

You have my utmost sympathy. As for the predictable 'their house, their decision' objections: well yes, it is, but the whole point of hosting is the comfort of your guests. In my childhood home it would have been an absolute no-no for the TV to be on when visitors came.

I'm one who is normally all for throwing 'tradition' to the winds and shunning conventional expectation. But this thread has me doing my best cat's bum face and tutting ''Why can't they just play charades or Cludeo like normal people?'

but the whole point of hosting is the comfort of your guests.

I totally agree with this. I always tell guests to make themselves at home, show them where the tea, coffee etc are kept and let them know that if they want a bit of quiet time in their room to just diappear and not to feel awkward about it.

It changes the dynamic and it’s rude to do that without at least a discussion. There’s not a lot you can do though . Just get through it and don’t visit at Christmas if it doesn’t work for you

I've had this happen a few times with my inlaws especially my SIL who sometimes hosts on Boxing Day and invites her mates. Plus she gets out the karaoke machine and I hate it. SIL can sing so she is in her element, but others can't and my ears bleed by the end of the night.

At first they used to badger me to sing but I'm shy and can't sing at all so that was horrible but now they've learned to leave me alone.

Also I have learnt to grit my teeth, get through it and promise myself a treat for later in the week by way of a reward.

I think GM has thought of the teens, and assumed extra company, and karaoke, will make it more fun for them. I don't feel you have grounds to be annoyed.

I'd absolutely HATE that.

They're not in the wrong as it's their house and they can invite who they want but yeah, I wouldn't want to be around random people I don't know at Christmas.
My brother once hosted Christmas dinner at his house and I ended up sat next to my SIL's grandparents. Had to spend the entire dinner making polite small talk with people I'd just met and would never see again. It felt v much like, "Oh our grlwhowrites is chatty, sit them next to her." It's not what Christmas is about imho! I want to be with people I know, love and am comfortable around.

How would it go down if you were to say "I'm a bit gutted it's not just going to be family"? Or are you able to play a bit dumb and ask what time they're getting there after dinner, then if PIL say they're coming for dinner too, you can show your surprise and disappointment? It's likely too late for the plans to change now but hopefully they'll rethink something like this in the future.

I don't understand the problem? It would be rude of the grandparents to invite someone else to your house without your permission but if they are hosting it is entirely up to them who they invite to share the Christmas day festivities.
If I am inviting somewhere I don't ask who else is going to be there.

If they like board games, why don’t you think of some straight forward games you could suggest / tske for everyone? Then the kareoke can be mixed in? These other people sound fun and will therefore prob join in anything? Maybe slso. (If they like tgat kinda thing) task your kids with taking pics / videos and making a little Xmas day video? Gives them a focus and old people love to see themselves!!!

‘Are you on glue’ really? It always amazes me when people don’t have the ability to comprehend that people like different things. There are countless karaoke bars, worldwide. Countless machines sold and personally owned. Surely it’s not hard to imagine that some people find it fun, even if it’s not your thing?

If their DC lives far away, then their friends will naturally be an important part of their lives. I might feel a bit uncomfortable, but I would still respect it because it’s their home and their rules. Try to stay open-minded; you can’t change anything about it now anyway.

Just grit your teeth and have a lovely day out later in UK or promise the kids a weekend away as a family when you get back home

I think you have shot yourself in the foot there. People do like different things such as not liking karaoke for one 😁

Maybe they invited their fun friends over because they couldn’t stand the thought of hosting sulky teens and their stuffy parents all day in polite silence..

“Karaoke !! Oh my days, nurse fetch my little tablets and a fainting couch please”