Aibu to feel annoyed in laws have invited friends over on Christmas day

[Indiaplain]

We are visiting my PiL for Christmas - they live abroad so this happens rarely. My MiL was delighted we are going. However she called DH today and casually mentioned they had also invited some friends over for Christmas Day.

Im feeling annoyed as it changes the whole dynamic. My teenage DC were not looking forward to it anyway (very long journey, not much to do there, very rural plus they are not close to the PiL) - neither was I but thought maybe a good opportunity for them to spend together, and was trying to think positively. Aibu to feel so annoyed about this?

They’re big drinkers as are most of their friends so now I’m thinking it’s going to turn into a big drunken session (MiL has brought a karaoke machine - my DC’s nightmare tbh!).

As said, you take a board game and go off with your teens when the drinking is building up and the singing is in full swing.
As someone approaching 60, I can't help feeling that teens these days aren't being pushed into new experiences, so they gain confidence in their own abilities to handle new situations. Which they will face as soon as they are out in the world.

It really isn't stuffy or boring to dislike hearing people who can't sing wailing out of tune to a karaoke machine.

as they live abroad i suppose this is a chance to see their friends. Not much you can do but try to survive it

Oh fgs another controlling mother who dosent like Pil's and wants things her own way and has dull dreary teenagers..hope your DH has a great time with his parents and the rest of yous can just sit in your rooms and play board games ..problem solved

My goodness. You and your kids sound like boring miserable people. Christmas is about family and friends. Your PIL are elderly and are allowed to have whomever they want at their home. You’re already prepared to not have a good time. Sorry to you. I’m sure your PIL anticipated your behaviour hence inviting their more fun friends so that the whole day is not totally ruined by you and your teens who cannot even be bothered to put up a good mood for their grandparents whom they rarely see.

In some societies, big gatherings are normal and this is actually viewed as a mark of honour & respect to "close guests" (which is what you are) as against "friends" they might wish to introduce you to them with some satisfaction and pride. Think positive. Such moments are rare: don't be always wrapped in own world that you are used to. This is an adventure for all of you. Enjoy it having spent time, travel discomfort, money and effort. Enjoy. It's Christmas!!

You and the children sound like ungrateful and entitled precious snowflakes. Do any of you have any friends?

I don't understand the pile on here. Stop being so unkind to the OP.

I'd be noping right out of that situation. Just say you're all exhausted and not up to socialising, and fix another date to see them.

This! I don’t know why some people are so anti-friends at Christmas. It’s meant to be the season of goodwill not “fuck anyone I’m not related to”. I really don’t see why this is an issue, nobody can stay in their comfort zone all the time. And karaoke IS fun.

Im not accusing people of ‘being on glue’ for disliking it though. Because I accept that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. My post was aimed at the extreme reaction and inability to see that some people like it, rather than surprise at someone actually disliking it.

I don’t understand why anyone would have an issue with the situation OP described unless they’re boring, insular and antisocial

Try to be more open minded! Perhaps this couple will make the experience more fun for everyone

if your teens are a bit shy, it’ll also take some of the pressure off them as your in-laws won’t be hyper focused on them iykwim.

kids evolve, perhaps if they see others having a laugh on karaoke, even if they don’t join in, it’ll possibly entertain them

you say you’re not particularly looking forward to it, but again, perhaps this couple will make the day easier. Clearly your in-laws like them enough to include them, and they think you’ll all mix in well

perhaps even they know you’re not mega keen, as in the case of your kids, and they want to lighten the mood a bit?

New Year’s resolution time: go with the flow ☺️

I remember being a bit more “uptight”, for want of a better word, when DS was in his teens, he’s 20 now, and it’s easier as he’s old enough to take more responsibility for himself

admittedly DS is super social and can spend time with literally anyone and everyone with ease, maybe if you’re more go with the flow, your kids will be too?

is there a language issue too?

I suggest, when it comes to the Karaoke, you choose something that gets the message across. I'm thinking something like The Smiths "heaven knows I'm miserable now" or the Beach Boys "Sloop John B".

God forbid they also prioritise their friends. Good for them. Maybe if more people held friends in as high importance as family there’d be less posts on here from people sad about not having any friends!

This thread is bizarre.

There was one recently about an OP who had invited her friend to spend Christmas Day with her as she’d recently separated from her DH. The kids weren’t happy about it as it would change the dynamic and everyone called the kids selfish and Christmas is all about the more the merrier, everyone pull up a chair, it’s the season of giving etc.

But these ILs have invited friends, for any number of possible reasons, and it’s “horrific”, “rude” & people would “fucking hate it”? Is it only ok to invite friends for Christmas is they have a depressing backstory?

They will change the dynamic OP but it sounds like for the better!

Ha ha, with my “family” it’s my friends who make me happy, not my direct family members

there was a thread the other day about someone’s brother wanting to bring his gf, and the hostess being outraged by it

pah! Pathetic! The more the merrier, stop gate keeping festivities!

I do!

House guests who think they are just being two faced, and who think the hosts can’t see the displeasure oozing off their face. Yuck!

OP is itching to spoil Christmas, and is scavenging around for things to be annoyed about, now at ‘the vibe’ being wrong.

What seems really obvious is that OP feels zero responsibility for helping ensure that Christmas is a success. She is expecting Christmas to be done for her, and is all “I like it how I like it” and very little insight into how to be a good guest. She obviously has no sense of being flexible, and certainly her kids are clueless about being a good guest.

Christmas isn’t just about your teenagers though. Perhaps it would be good for them to experience something different and outside of their comfort zone.

I can’t believe how inflexible some people are and how people would consider cancelling because the day isn’t going to run exactly how they’d imagined it would. If your in laws have invited friends to visit on Christmas Day they must be important to them. Life doesn’t need to be so compartmentalised and it will be good for your children to mix with a range of different people.

Cant you do a bit of both. Play board games, di a bit of karaoke, play more games. Variety is the spice of life.

Maybe the friends have been invited to dilute the effect of sulky-arsed teenagers.

I would absolutely hate that but at the same time I suppose they can invite who they want to their house. I do think it was thoughtless of them though to not consider how you or the DC would feel about spending Xmas day with strangers.

My PiL are like this too. One year we went over for Xmas and on Boxing Day there was about 30 people there mostly consisting of strangers we didn't know, who all proceeded to get very drunk including my PiL. By the time it came to dinner time there was no food prepared or anything in the house in fact, PiL didn't seem bothered about this as they were drunk and don't eat much anyway, so me and DH had to go out and buy tons of buffet type food and 2 big takeaway pizzas. The whole lot was scoffed in about 30 mins so everyone was obviously hungry. Never again haha.

God… imagine being couped up for Christmas with a po-faced DIL and the parenting fail of her rude kids who have never been taught to socialise comfortably with different people…

I think I’ll have to come back and update this thread on Boxing Day as it could go either way! I’m open to it being fun and enjoy a glass or 2 but PiL are expats and the drinking/socialising culture is different. I’m not keen on being around people getting v drunk( which will prob be the case). It makes me feel uneasy.
I’m pretty sure they do like us and haven’t invited friends to dilute us .. MiL cried (with happiness!) when we booked our tickets to come and I thought maybe it’s be a good opportunity for rare family time.
I’m a bit shy around people I don’t know. I wish I wasn’t but it can make me a bit quiet.
paradoxically- I actually enjoy karaoke and have had brilliant nights with groups of friends who I’ve known years. My voice is terrible so I’m far too self conscious to sing in front of people I don’t know!

This makes absolutely no sense because SIL’s grandparents presumably are people she knows and loves. So if you think Christmas is all about family then this scenario meets that criteria. Surely you didn’t expect your BIL and SIL to not invite members of their family just for your comfort? The double standards here.