Aibu to feel annoyed in laws have invited friends over on Christmas day

[Indiaplain]

We are visiting my PiL for Christmas - they live abroad so this happens rarely. My MiL was delighted we are going. However she called DH today and casually mentioned they had also invited some friends over for Christmas Day.

Im feeling annoyed as it changes the whole dynamic. My teenage DC were not looking forward to it anyway (very long journey, not much to do there, very rural plus they are not close to the PiL) - neither was I but thought maybe a good opportunity for them to spend together, and was trying to think positively. Aibu to feel so annoyed about this?

They’re big drinkers as are most of their friends so now I’m thinking it’s going to turn into a big drunken session (MiL has brought a karaoke machine - my DC’s nightmare tbh!).

That’s fair enough, but it needs to be a two way street!

Some of you sound so unpleasant and churlish. It’s a party. Are you really going to sit around with a face like a smacked arse because you’re not controlling the show?

FGS have a drink and enjoy yourselves.

OP, perhaps this is an opportunity to teach your DCs to be sociable and get along with others rather than it all just being about THEM.

Tbh I wouldn't like it. BUT I wouldn't say anything. Maybe the friends have just lost someone/are lonely for christmas so Pil are being kind inviting them. Anyway what's stopping you bringing board games and playing with your dc while they sing? I think you're bringing your dc into this while in fact it's you who don't like the setup. Just own it and then get on with it.

YABU. It is their house, they can invite who they like.

Whilst this would be my absolute nightmare they can do what they want in their own home. So I’ve had to vote YABU. Not necessarily for your feelings but expecting to change it. Can you all get out for a few hours in the day for a walk? Retire to another room for a different activities. Def get your DH to manage expectations before you arrive and explain your kids are unlikely to join in the karaoke etc.

This is such a British way of thinking. ‘How dare the people that we are going to stay with in another country invite friends to their house on a day of celebration’ 🤣

Have you considered that they feel the same about you and are hoping to “dilute” you a bit?🤣

Ha ha. And fetch the karaoke machine would be bedtime or another escape for me. We’re all different.

Yep we’re definitely board games or charades. Karaoke would also be our idea of hell for Christmas Day but we’re all tone deaf!

YANBU to be slightly annoyed that the idea of what you thought was going to be your Christmas Day isn’t going to happen. However, sometimes it is a good thing that every once in a while things are shaken up. You may all enjoy it. Throw yourself into the day. You will have, I assume, other days around the main day which may be more like you envisioned.

Takes some board games they can be played aswell. I feel like your kids are picking up on your negativity you need to to be positive about it and explain to them about going with an open mind you might all be surprised

The changed dynamic of having non-family members there can make it a lot more relaxed and fun. I found this when I invited some non-family friends to join me and my kids for Christmas the first year after my divorce. It was a different vibe, yes, but in a nice way.

Teenagers react better to people who are kind, pleased to see them and want to spend time getting to know them, as we all do. Rather than dismissing them as glum and boring and ignoring them for the visit while the relatives get drunk with friends.

If you are rarely there they will have developed their own way of celebrating, rather than sitting round glumy waiting for the next time the GC visit. And next year they will also want friends round, given their family won't be there.

Be glad they have people to celebrate with.

My guess is that they know you’re not keen on them. They might also find you and your judgey children a little bit boring so have invited friends who will liven things up. Just try to enjoy it.

Given that mumsnet seems to be largely populated by socially awkward introverts who never answer the door or the phone and hate socialising, this thread has been quite a revelation to me.

I'm a "more the merrier" type as well, just not a karaoke type.

I've been told by friends I have from different European countries that we're peculiar for our habit of being primarily family centered at Christmas. I only have one friend who spends it on her own and have invited her to ours, but she has so many zoom calls with her extended family her day us already pretty full.

Yes I’d love it, would reduce the inevitable tension! Suppose whether you are keen on it or not very much depends on what each poster thinks when they project their own family dynamics onto it.

Sounds like it’ll become a story in the future. And your kids may find they enjoy that kind of thing. Chill and have a migraine excuse ready if needed,…

maybe the in laws were worried it would be a bit dull otherwise….

Totally in agreement with this.
Is it possible the PIL have thought ahead & realise OP’s family need to be encouraged to go out & do something else?

I don't think it's even particularly British. I think it's quite a new thing - a precious 'my little family' attitude rejecting all 'outsiders'.

They sound like selfish people who are only focused on their own fun. Could you change plans at the last minute and not go due to someone in your household getting flu?

You’re a negative nancy (and it seems your. children are a bit too. They know this so they’re inviting other people to make the day more bearable for them.

This would defo annoy me too, I don't mind friends on Christmas eve or Boxing Day but for me, I just want to be us on Christmas Day unless it was a friend who would be on their own otherwise

I would be a bit miffed - it’s not the fact she’s invited other people, it’s the fact she’s done so after you’ve arranged to go and booked travel etc - basically changing the goalposts of what you’ve been invited to.

That said, I do agree with the pp that this might actually turn out to be an improvement. If your DC aren’t that comfortable around PIL then having some extra people around to take up their time and attention might help.

Agree with taking some puzzles or board games or cards so there is an alternative activity to karaoke and make sure nobody’s arm gets twisted into joining in if they really don’t want to.

It’s not about you