For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

[Sadly11]

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

I am so glad you are safe. Happy birthday. At least you have the gift of freedom today. Even if it doesn't quite feel like that.

OP, send a text telling him it's over.
Finding an everyday thing very difficult is one thing, behaving quite so inappropriately is quite another!

I would send one final text telling him you are no longer part of his life, wish him well then block on all platforms.

Happy birthday @Sadly11

You have given yourself the best gift by getting rid of this awful pathetic man child. His behaviour was intentional and abusive. His messages prove that.

I wouldn't bother sending any messages, just block him everywhere.

All those posters saying he's likely ND, good grief. Both myself and partner are ND and as stressful as supermarkets are, neither of us would behave like disgusting perverts in one.

Sad as it right now, a life with a man in his 40s who copes with stressful situations by enacting sexual behaviour in crowded public places, is no life. If he carries on like this, he will be arrested and no doubt blame you for that too. Hopefully in time, you will come to see this as a lucky escape.

Firstly happy Birthday, well done for getting out. I think he underestimated you. His poor behaviour caused you to walk out.. if you want to send the message but block him as he will be affronted you took control. Reach out to friends & family speak & get support from people you know. Well done you.

Glad you are out of there. Message him to ensure it has been ended and then block him everywhere.

Get yourself some nice food to enjoy over Christmas, if you can face it. Have a peaceful time without this wanker in your life.

It might not be too late to reach out to your family and friends for support if they are available.

OP, my youngest son behaves in a very similar way (apart from the grabbing and gesturing). He has a collection of anxiety disorders and an eating disorder. Shopping can, indeed, be triggering. In fact, he has spent hours (literally) trying to make decisions between which carton of soup to choose, which packet of crispbreads and so on. He also experiences sensory overload. A few years ago, he became aggressive towards me when I left him in the supermarket because he was muttering threats and making abusive comments towards me under his breath. This behaviour was a product of his extreme anxiety, but it was an unacceptable one. Other behaviours that he is still struggling to manage include: an urge to sniff the bread to see which loaf may be the most tasty; taking and shaking every carton of soup to see which looks the thickest or to compare the colour (too dark, too light etc); lining up every cut of prepacked meat to compare the fat content and so on. We try to avoid busy shops, but at this time of the year, that is impossible. The problems with decision making continue at home, and we try to keep food storage to a minimum to make choices easier

My son is 24, and admits himself that he is in no way ready for a relationship yet. I think perhaps this applies to the man in question on this thread as well. He needs to learn ways to manage his anxiety, and he needs help from mental health professionals.

Good luck with your future, OP, and belated happy birthday.

I have so many questions.

I would just block. You don't want to invite a reply and these sort of men tend to cycle through the same stuff in the hope something eventually reels you back in.

He already tried the guilt trip, the next message is likely to be but think about all the good times we had, are you really going to throw that away etc...He'll be very sorry and promise all sorts and then the cycle of coercive abuse will start again.

You've found some solid ground, don't give him any opportunity to make you doubt yourself.

Well done! I am glad you are on the way home and Happy Birthday OP! You did yourself a great favour and made a really good decision. I’d send him a one line definitive message, so he can’t say he didn’t realise or come looking for you to find out what happened, then block. I hope you can find a fun, lovely way to spend the day- treat yourself, breathe, pat yourself on the back, and think about your dreams and how to make them happen. You just cleared the road! 🤩

Send a message saying it is over and you do not wish to hear from him or see him ever again - that makes your stance perfectly clear should he try and get in touch and start hassling you. Then block him everywhere. Do not engage in any conversation with him.

And finally make your birthday as special as you can for yourself and give yourself a big pat on the back for not tolerating this man child a moment longer.

First day of the rest of your life and all that.

Happy Birthday! 🎂

who doesn’t get food in when they have a guest for 3 weeks over Christmas? What were yoh going to eat? If he finds supermarkets triggering he has one job, sounds like a drop out to me.

Absolutely block on everything. He's a lunatic. You don't need to open a dialogue with him as you are never seeing him again -what would be the point? He's not going to suddenly realise and admit that his behaviour was terrible. Just a massive waste of time. See it for the blessing in disguise this was, forget he exists, and enjoy your Christmas.

Have a lovely birthday and enjoy the rest of your life without this millstone round your neck!

If you must, just a "this relationship isn't going to work out. Please do not contact me"

And then block immediately

Are you that desperate for a man you have zero standards, i am not going to sugar coat it people will treat you the way you let them

Do better it is simple and stop attention seeking

Happy Birthday. I'm relieved you're on your way home.

I think a short message to tell him it's over and not to contact you again and then block.

A solo Christmas might not have been what you planned but embrace it. Leaving that man behind is the best present you could give yourself even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

He is now an ex boyfriend.

Op if your resolve starts to waiver I want to suggest getting the book 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft. I think you might recognise lots of his patterns of behaviour in there and it's a good one to arm yourself with for future relationships so that you choose someone with a healthier approach to life and relationships.

OP you need to leave this man. Massive early warning signs of issues. Happy birthday.

Happy Birthday. Text him it’s over and then block him so he can’t manipulate you.
Now celebrate you had the guts to leave this abusive relationship. Do something for yourself.
If your someone who likes to go out, then go out, dance, go to the theatre, cinema etc
If your a home buddy, get some nice food in, go to a book shop and treat yourself to some new books, new pajamas/ loungewear, watch a box set, catch up with friend.
Maybe your someone who is better not wallowing and you need to connect with friends, go to the gym, run, walk. Take up a new hobby etc

It will depend on who you are, just don’t wallow too much and play the what if’s. Be strong and pinpoint this day, the day you said no! I won’t be bullied anymore. 💪🎂💐

Just block him.
In my opinion he's been completely manipulating you - I think his fetish is humiliating "females" in public, and he's pissed off that you didn't submit to it.

Not helpful. Looks like you haven’t read the rest of the OP’s posts.