Scratchcard Win

[MissLead]

So yesterday we had our annual pre-Xmas family meal (my brother, sister partners and kids).

every year we have done this I’ve bought everyone a scratchcard as a bit of fun.

BIL won £50k on his card yesterday and is not going to share it!

I think he should!!!!

If you buy someone a scratch card as a gift with the expectation that they’ll share the money with you if they win, you’re misunderstanding the whole concept of a gift.

It’s because it’s money, the one thing that many think should always be shared with others.

If the OP bought someone a jumper, they wouldn’t expect it to be shared with them.

Did you not think about the very real possibility that somebody could win a considerable amount of money?

Isn't that the exact reason why people buy scratchcards in the first place - for the chance (albeit very small) to win a lot of money? Yes, it's very nice to win £50; but that isn't why people buy them.

Well at least you have found out the price for family harmony.

Sounds like it is of the order of a few 10s of K. (assuming you bought 3 cards).

You'll know in advance what's going to happen if anything like inheritance comes up. Which may be worth the price of the ticket alone.

And this is why it's so very fraught. In the (ironically) 'unfortunate' event that any of the cards isn't a worthless scrap of paper (or worth only a minor amount), you will get strife or disagreement. It could even herald an irreparable family breakdown.

When Person A's 'making a very generous gesture' is Person B's 'what a nasty, selfish tightwad', you'll never make everybody happy.

Even in the case of a relatively very small prize, some folk are saying "share unless it's under £100"; whereas others would think it disgusting if you kept that £100 for yourself and didn't treat everybody to a takeaway or give them all a tenner to put towards their winter fuel bill.

So much projection and reaching on this thread. Nowhere has the OP said this was a “gift”. It’s something she says she does each year as a bit of fun.

Unexpectedly, one of the group has had a big win. She hasn’t said she expects the prize to be shared equally, just that she feels the BIL should not keep it all.

I agree.

Greedy people are the pits.

She gave it to him. If it wasn't a gift then what was it?

It isn't greedy to keep something that someone gave you.

It’s his. Why would he share it?

you Know those metaphoric conversations you have if you won a 1 million. The people you’d help etc. the truth is once you start biting large chunks in that. Paying parents mortgages off, helping siblings with a deposit. Setting aside money for your kids. Do you know how long you remain a millionaire? Not very. 50k is massive amount of money. It can be invested be in financial institutions or your property or even to help buy a second one. it can be used to ease your life etc but only for a relatively short time so maybe there is an argument for him to share depending on his intentions to use it. 16k is nice but you’re return on it is minimal, you may get a nice holiday etc. but not much past that. So for this I can see his reasoning.

also it was either a gift or it wasn’t. Do you expect every chocolate or wine gift you give is opened and shared with you? I get the sour grapes I may feel same but if the expectation was to share you probably should have stipulated. Stop buying the scratch cards

how isn’t it a gift? If you give it to someone then of course it’s a gift. Unless you go here this however if you win then I demand a share (making it clear it’s not a gift and only being ‘borrowed’ because your a a bitter jealous person)

If she doesn’t think BiL should keep it all then obviously she believes it should be shared and likely equally because why else would she be moaning on social media about him not giving her any

Yeah greedy people are the pits and that’s the greedy bitter jealous OP who resents someone won.

It’s only a ‘bit of fun’ when nobody wins big right?

We have an agreement. Anything over a thousand is shared. Anything less is to keep. £50 won't go far will it!

If that happened to me, I’d be well pissed off! However, if I won, I wouldn’t share either! Probably best that I don’t partake in such things 😂

£50k.

Seems the "little bit of Christmas fun" has spectacularly backfired here! Money is the root of all evil and I think that OP is the sort who would contest a will, by the sound of it, if she didn't get exactly her fair share!
Once it was in your BIL's possession, it was his card. He won, they are his winnings. He doesn't have to give anyone a penny, however hard that is to swallow. (Of course we'd all wish it had been "our" card that won and if we were being truthful, we'd be absolutely gutted it wasn't. But it wasn't, was it?)
Interesting that you haven't answered the questions about what you would think would be fair if he chose to share it, or what your sisters reaction was?!
You need to have some good grace and get over it right now, or there will resentment lurking around for the rest of your life and future Christmas's will all be marred by it!
I'd suggest either buying them still and setting up some rules as pp have already mentioned, just buying yourself 6 cards and scratching them all off on your own or binning the whole idea completely. I'd be choosing the last option frankly.

I definitely think he should share

Not the full amount but 1k to everyone else or split 10k between the rest of you and he'd still have 40k for himself

Yes it's a gift but At the end of the day he wouldn't be on that position if it wasn't for you

Because sharing the luck/money/love is what decent human beings do?

nope in my family it’s that you shouldn’t give away your luck by giving it away to others.

I think people being after a share are being grabby. If I got some nice chocs in my secret Santa would you be after some of them?

i personally would treat family to a meal etc or even a cash gift (not entitlement) but not the ones who were after a share of my gift

Are you really comparing a box of chocolates to 50k

While it is, in the absence of pre-agreed guidelines, the BIL to keep, it will be a pity if he places his entitlement above the goodwill of the family.

If his relationship with the family has been meh, then he won't give a flying you know what. Nothing much to lose. If you've all always enjoyed a spiffing time as family, then he'll look back on undermining this and question whether insisting on his right to keep it was correct to enforce.

I also can't help wondering whether he felt that your response to what he should do was entitled.

I've just had a chinwag with Chat GPT and decided on what guidelines I would lay down if I decided to similarly give scratch cards at Christmas. Although, I'm pretty sure that all of my siblings would, without being urged, voluntarily give something out of their win. Not necessarily an equal split though. An equal split means there is no true winner.

Yes because it seems OP and a lot of people on this thread are.

A gift is a gift! You don't claim dibs on a gift after you've given it AWAY to someone

A box of chocs isn't really life changing though is it ?

I don't understand how someone wouldn't want to help their family out financially if they had the option

But he might be helping out his wife, his kids and himself, we don’t know what their circumstances are

@MissLead has he said he’s helping out nobody at all? Has he said he won’t be giving you even a fiver?

So he can’t help his wife and children out? What if that clears debt? What if it allows them to put a deposit on a house? Should they go ah well we can’t do that because are entitled relatives are demanding a share of the money and we must stay in our place and not make life better for us.

its 50k that doesn’t last long especially if entitled relatives like OP are circling round like vultures

I think if I was gifted scratch cards, I would scratch them in private.

How am I saying he can't help his wife and kids out by keeping 40k??

As if I’d tell anyone.

“oh, nothing on mine!” I would say, as I tucked the winning card away in my pocket.

More fool him for saying anything.

It’s his, by the way, to do with what he wishes.