To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

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I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

At a push, it was ok to quickly shuffle one top off and another on whilst discreetly facing the wall or a corner. From the description, that is not what he did, he stood about exposing his strong manly chest🤮 for longer than was necessary. So it wasnt about needing to change, it was some kind of wierd display.

It wasnt a "changing room" as such. The women dont seem to have been getting changed as its a mixed area . Presumably they used the toilets or came already in stage uniform

It was clearly a gathering / leave your stuff area, "a green room". He must have been aware of this.
Therefore it was nothing about getting changed, it was some weird getting getting off on being topless in a room of older women shit. In his sad head he was giving you a thrill. Or enjoying making people uncomfortable.
Probably some some "Christ put it away, my dinner is coming back up" comments might have burst his bubble

Ah stop would ya. Bikinis and bras were never meant for day to day wear in public. You’re acting as if that’s normal. There’s many a casual restaurant that has had to introduce a tshirt requirement during summer for that exact reason. People have lost the run of themselves with their sense of entitlement. Why would I want to eat beside a topless man and a woman in a sports bra? Would you stop with your drama 😂

I would have said to him "You seem to have misplaced the top half of your outfit, Brian."

This is key, because it becomes performative, so you then would question his motives. If he had quickly and discreetly changed shirts there would be no issue.

Also, It is pure nonsense to pretend that the context does not matter. This did not happen on a beach or at a swimming pool it was in a room filled mainly with women.

I appreciate your feedback and have taken on board some of your opinions, which is what I was looking for in the first place. I could be over sensitive due to my past. However some of the comments here been very belittling and dismissive and remind me of how unpleasant complete strangers can be online. Thanks to everyone who has stood against those being unnecessarily rude.

We weren't talking about restaurants.

You are aware that a sports bra is a sturdy item of clothing and far from lingerie, yes? In the summer almost every female runner I see is just in a sports bra.

Trousers off a problem, top off not a problem.

You would be absolutely right to worry about that.

I go to yoga classes with other middle aged women and two or three men. We'd take the piss if one of the men stood there with his top off.

Yes I expect they are running or working out.

I get it OP, and it pisses me off too. It’s men being entitled, taking up space and enjoying an audience of passive women. It's so old

Because he was changing into or out of uniform. Read the OP's posts.

I think trust your gut if you get the impression he's a bit creepy with women and an attention seeker. Keep your distance and if he tries to hug you be ready to step away and say 'no thankyou' if it makes you uncomfortable.

I don't think you can expect the choir leader to do much after the fact in this instance. Perhaps they could remind people where the changing facilities are before the next concert. At the time, they could have may be asked him if there's a problem and if he's too hot, suggest he goes outside to cool off rather than standing there half naked. If he does get off on the attention, it's possible he will see this as a win as you noticed him topless if that makes sense. I usually just ignore people like this as much as I can.

What was not normal? All you've said so far is topless in the corner of a room. Not common perhaps but not that un-normal, especially given context (post concert, uniform for show, you don't know how long he was like that, maybe cooling down)

Was he staring? Preening? Forcing himself on people (you've mentioned hugs)? Chatting to people who were trying to ignore him? Ignoring other people asking him to put a top on?

Or is it just the standing topless?

I knew about the record company trying to sue but I was referring to the line:
"He got hair down to his knee".

People seem largely to have ignored the fact that this guy is always hugging the women, especially one in particular- who just happens to be the youngest woman in the group.

He is a creep. Creeps love pushing the boundaries.

Funny how none of the other attendees (all female) had the need to do that .

It's perfectly obvious, isn't it? Women don't habitually show their underwear. Men don't have to wear underwear on their top halves.

Do you get this upset in seaside towns on hot days?

Ignore the rude comments.

You can disagree with someone without being rude.

Some posters will come on here just to try and find things to be rude about or pick apart your posts to try and belittle you.
It says a lot about the state of their lives.

That info was posted after my question not before.

Maybe he couldn't find whatever he was changing into. Maybe he just got distracted talking to someone. Maybe he was hot. It's just not a big deal.

I can't see the problem.

And me. I’m an older lady, and I wouldn’t have been offended, I’d have been laughing and told him to put his body away as it would put me off my dinner later😉

I'm surprised at the ratio on this one. Sure, the social acceptance that men can be topless in public and it's ok, but women can't be, is there - but surely this is always with the unsaid rider that there's an appropriate time and place? On the beach or playing football on a hot day in the park - fine. Walking into a supermarket - not fine (IMO). At a physical leisure pursuit like swimming or running on a hot day - entirely unremarkable. In a workplace where everyone else is fully clothed - not on.

Clearly this room set aside for coats and bags was just that - a retirement room for the convenience of the singers, not a changing room. There would have been toilets and that's where he should have gone. Unexpected toplessness can therefore only have been gauged to attract attention/exert his presence/make women feel uncomfortable. OP, he was almost certainly doing this intentionally and therefore he's almost certainly an arse. I'd have had a word with him, myself - pointed out that it's not a changing room, just somewhere to take off and leave coats and he can use the loos.

It wasn't a room full of women. Why does one person's discomfort at social behaviour normally deemed perfectly acceptable trump everything else? It sounds far too like people who moan about breastfeeding women making them feel uncomfortable. In either case, if you feel discomfort, don't look, FFS.