To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

I do think there is a difference here though.

Conversation starters between new colleagues are to be expected and these are all standard questions. That's a bit different to approaching a stranger purely because you heard thek talking to someone else and you're curious about their accent.

Especially, I would imagine, given the current climate when some questions might not be neutral and some responses might not be as pleasant as others.

You’re not going to be able to stop that kind of person doing this OP, so your best bet is to perfect the art of rudely cutting them dead.
“Lovely accent, where are you from?”
“Mind your own business.”

I do sympathise to a certain extent, I have a fairly unusual Irish name, so half my life is spent explaining the spelling, where it comes from, where my parents were born, when they moved to Britain etc etc. Does get rather tedious

Im suprised its happening that much as I've always considered it rude, but I do think it's just small talk. My job is customer facing and I get asked about the weather 10,000 times a day, if it wasn't that op it would probably be something else

Wow. I bet you don't get many repeat invitations.

But what if you lived in the US for 30 years, or 50. Or moved as a 2 year old kid. Or you were 2nd or 3rd generation and still got that question? Would you find it so much fun then? That is what some of us here are talking about. It’s a presumptuous question. Fine if you’re just on holiday, or an expat. But potentially hurtful and othering to people who have done their time in a place and are from there, despite accents, or looks or their birthplace, of which they might recall very little. It’s good to remember that and take a moment before asking. Consider the context and why you want to ask so badly. I very much admire people who hold off on it. It’s a sign of an empathetic and intelligent person usually.

It’s small talk, if it wasn’t this it would be something else. I’d guess Italian?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Either making conversation or just being rude.

I Had this conversation once.
Them - ' How long have you lived here, do you like it ?'
Me - ' Sorry ?'
Them - ' No, no, when did you come over here'
Me - ' What ? I've lived here all my life'
Then - ' Really ? You look Polish. Is that were your parents are from ? You picked up there accent.
Me - ' No. Everyone is scottish. '
Them - ' Are you sure ? You definitely look Polish '
The person got annoyed that i kept saying i was scottish. They were convinced that i sounded and looked polish.
I have a very obvious scottish accent, it was quite bizarre.

My family tree goes back to the 16th/17th century and bar one person about 150 years ago that came to Scotland from Ireland, everyone is scottish.

I get it. After decades in the UK, my accent still gives me away and people are naturally curious, especially as it is an 'identifiable' accent and people like to be proven right in their guesses. I roll with it, but OP's point about unintended intrusion is spot on: my relationship to my home country is complex, as are the reasons for why I have remained here. When people ask me what brought me here, or why I'm not raising my family there, or if I travel back often (people often have quite a bit of 'surface' knowledge about my country, so it appears a reasonable question) I'm painted into a corner and, as the truth is too personal and not really casual small talk material, I fib. I do it because the truth would likely make the person asking feel awkward, or worse, my DC. It's a pity; if it stopped at "Excuse me, is that a _ accent? Ah, I thought so, thanks," it would be easier, but once the questioner is buoyed and emboldened by being right, a presumed 'rapport' is built (because I am polite) and further questions naturally follow.
Not everyone ends up where they are through empowered, autonomous decisions, even if subsequent circumstances appear to 'heal' the past.

It's part of life if you move to a different country. People are curious or interested and you will spend your whole life upset if you let it bother you.

You can't blame people for asking, if a foreigner moved to your home country they would be asked the same question everyday. And no, you can't really complain about it, it was your choice to move here and that involves accepting the curiosity of others when they realise you aren't from here.

Just embrace it, see it as an opportunity to show off your culture or language. It's wonderful that you're different and add interest to people's lives. Please don't get frustrated by the questions.

Why would anyone want a repeat invitation from the "where are you from?" crowd?

I'm Australian and I used to get this a lot when I first moved to the UK 30+ years ago. It's very tedious especially from people you're only meeting for 5 minutes.

My Australian accent has faded and it hardly happens anymore.

Embarrass someone who was showing a friendly interest? Why?

God forbid that someone should be friendly and take an interest.

If its a repeat invitation then presumably other topics of conversation would arise. If I know you're from Cameroon (because you graciously told me last time ) then I don't really need to ask you again.

Why on earth is a hurtful to have it acknowledged that you're from somewhere else? It's not a value judgement (it can be but that tends to be obvious and that's not what we're talking about here). Ive been in my adopted country for decades, it's not hurtful for people to notice I'm originally from somewhere else.
And "othering" is just nonsense. We're all other in some way. We naturally talk about the differences between us, it's interesting! That's what small talk is, little interesting snippets of life.

Why are people so negative and self absorbed?

I live in London and am white and from Manchester, from a long line of people from either Manchester or the West Midlands (I've gone back to 1758 so far), and I am often asked where I'm from. I've been asked the same all round the UK and Ireland and anywhere I've been in the world. Even when I am actually back where I'm "from". Surely it's just conversation?

A lot of people don’t ’choose’ to move to a different country. They are shifted, by parents, grandparents, war, economics. Climate change. Whatever. ‘Home’ may no longer exist. This place may be all they have and they have worked hard, for decades often, or generations to belong. You don’t know when you ask this simple, innocent seeming question. So people should be sensitive about it. And assess the context before asking.

It feels a little misanthropic - and as though these days people can’t win. If no one shows any interest people feel invisible, unseen, lonely and disconnected from society, but if a stranger shows interest, tries reach out and try to connect on a human level by asking where you are from that’s invasive and loaded.

I think some posters are missing the point.

Not wishing to speak for the OP but I would imagine that the occasional question at a new job or at a party would be expected and not a problem.

But the OP has no obligation to engage in 'polite conversation' with strangers or 'show off about her culture' just to satisfy someone else's nosiness curiosity. She shouldn't have to 'get in there first' or 'steer the conversation' when she has no interest or need to speak to someone in the first place.

I find it very hard to believe that in the huge melting pot that is London, that ANYONE would give a rat's behind where you're from.

Yes, it's one of those things you don't know is offensive until you are told so 😬
I once asked a well known Scouser which part of Liverpool he was from? I work there regularly and enjoy the different twangs in each suburb.
He replied bluntly "I'm from The Wirral me luv" 😂
I used to live abroad and this is what I dealt with on a daily basis. Pretty much a repeat of the same conversation for a decade.

Many people are here because they had to leave their native country in unhappy circumstances. So, no I don't think it should be a standard question, it can be triggering. Find some other common ground, weather is an easy one in the UK. Also, if you're non white there are more dynamics around power if it's a white person asking.

People are just interested in other cultures and countries. It’s a British thing more than anywhere else stemming from the multiculturalism that has existed here for so long, they don’t mean anything by it. It’s curiousity.

There's no point in getting irritated by this question - it's just genuine curiosity and making conversation. Happens to everyone to some extent.

I have lived abroad in different countries and was always asked this. Why would I get upset with being asked where am I from?! Take it as a compliment that people want to make conversation, are interested in you and probably want to learn more about you.

I really do think there is no need to get so wound up about it!