To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

You sound like hard work.

I was born and brought up in the UK, but have moved around the country a fair bit. I have now lived in the Midlands for 20 years and I am constantly asked where I am from!

Maybe in London but definitely not “most”
Most places have friendly chatty people, it’s part of the charm here

I'm British and have never known anyone think it's impolite to ask where someone's from!

I lived in London for 20 years, my exes were both Middle Eastern so obviously were a lot of the people we socialised with.

i was ALWAYS asked where I was from. It totally confused me as I was born in Hampshire to Scottish-irish/english parents

i got asked all the time when travelling and everyone was surprised when i said i was English

apparently i don’t look it. My ex told me it was a nice thing they were saying 🤣

🤷🏻‍♀️

People are boring. 85% of what they say is entirely predictable, and that rises to 98% in public small talk. I have sympathy op - it’s bad enough enduring the weather/ traffic/ origins and are you ready for Christmas conversations, but being reduced to just one would drive anyone insane.

I’m not sure you can do much about it if you want to be avoid being rude or raising suspicion.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear - but sometimes the only power we have is to change our attitude to what’s happening. I’m not minimising your boredom and irritation, but those are thoughts, your thoughts, that are making this experience worse. If you change the thoughts, the experience changes too.

Other than that, get a dog. If that doesn’t succeed in changing the main topic of conversation you could train it to growl or hump the leg of anyone who uses trigger phrases.

Sorry @Playdoughy, but I have only read all of your posts, so someone else has probably already suggested this:

How about having some cards, printed and laminated, with all the information you usually get asked for, and then just silently hand them out when the annoying questions are asked?

I think people are typically being polite and friendly but it’s a bit non-PC these days which is why some people would choose not to, in case it offends. I think those people are still in the minority though so I suspect the people who ask you are just being nice. Like the PP, I wouldn’t ask unti I knew someone better.

Hmm, no that’s just your assumption.Why would someone say, where are you really from!!
I have an accent, so does my family, so personally no not everyone has experienced this.

I think these days it’s seen by some as a bit non-PC. I think it’s less of an issue if done on the basis of accent (as they clearly are from somewhere else if they have an accent) but if done purely on the way someone looks it can be quite alienating since the person may have lived in the country their whole lives.

I genuinely and truly don't understand and will never understand why it's offensive in any way to ask where someone is from. (This isn't a question either or an opportunity to have it all explained to me. I've heard all the reasoning before but I'll continue to remain perplexed forever).

Get over yourself

Really thought this sort of thing was dying out. I'm mixed-race and used to get it all the time. Much less in recent years but then my life is increasingly designed to filter out racists.

Even if they're not being racist, it's horrifically ill-mannered of them - people in 2025 should be aware there are racist undertones to it.

I just say "London" in a brusque, icy tone, glare at them and let the silence hang. And I file that person away as someone not to get close to.

Where are you from? Sorry but just curious as to why you get asked so much. I’m British but live abroad in a place with many different nationalities, I don’t ask unless I really get talking to someone. I assumed would be similar in London as there’s such a range of different people

When I was with my ex-husband, he would always get asked where he was from.

He is British-born, English accent, but has brown skin.

I had people ask me behind his back if he spoke English. I am hoping these attitudes have changed now, but it opened my eyes as a white woman. This was 2010-2015 times.

I actually thought maybe people do this because it is polite and shows interest.

They do @Playdoughy . They just don't realise that there's a cumulative effect on you or that the question night be unwelcome.

I used to be the person who did this. I'm a traveller and so it seemed a great way to make a connection with people, and I was genuinely interested. It took an awkward conversation where the person I spoke to made it clear that I was 'othering' them by asking the question, to make me realise that my interest was unwelcome. I was mortified.

I'm still interested in people who've moved here from another country/culture, but I've largely managed to keep my mouth shut since.

This happens to me when I visit my Mum who has moved quite far up the country and I was born and grew up in London, now still live in the south east. I get asked in her local supermarket by the cashiers, some of her neighbours who don't know I'm just visiting.

I have a mild regional accent which is not of the region where I live and have lived for 40 years. I think it’s obvious where I’m from but judging by how often I’m asked, clearly not. I do find it rude, especially when it’s the first thing someone says to me upon hearing me speak. The question usually feels like a challenge, and intrusive particularly when I’m in a situation where small talk isn’t required or welcome. An example - we live very near an airport, and recently while standing in a queue for boarding chatting to my husband a woman tapped me on the shoulder and asked said “you’re not local, where are you from?” I had had no interaction with her whatsoever and had my back to her. I was pretty taken aback and pointed out of the window across the airport apron towards the town and said “over there, you can almost see our house”. To which she said “no you’re not”. What can you do? So rude.
I find other “small talk” also has a hidden agenda. “What do you do?” is code for “how much do you earn?” “Do you still work full time?” is code for “how old are you?” and so on. If you don’t know someone and want to chat in the bus queue (which isn’t compulsory), the weather is your friend.

I'm 'White British' (but if scandi thrown in) so it's an accent thing for me, I find it quite direct but I suppose I'm not used to that level of familiarity where I live in the SE, nobody chats like that on a shop so I am really surprised you state it's in London.

I’m Scottish, with a fairly standard Scots accent. 50+ years of living in England, and it still gets mentioned. I must be odd, but I don’t mind it, and it has led to some interesting conversations. I have a Scottish friend who I met on a guided walk a few years ago, she had moved here much more recently, heard my accent and spoke to me. We grew up not too far apart, and have some shared childhood experiences in common. Unless someone is being negative or rude, I’m happy to be asked.

The travelling context is actually exactly why people don't like it.

It's a normal, natural question for a traveller to ask another traveller. Or for a local to ask a tourist.

Being asked it at home makes you feel like the other person sees you as a tourist or a traveller, even though you're at home.

You are massively over reacting.
People are just trying to make conversation, God forbid.
I am tall, and right from a young girl people have commented on my height.
We 're living in an age where almost everyone has their eyes on their phone all of the time, the world has become silent, so l like to make the most of any conversations.

I get this question all the time, and it pisses me off as I have lived here for nearly 30 years, and my home country (Ukraine) not only changed dramatically during this time but also is at war at the moment. In addition to this, my family also moved - to another country entirely - so its all very complicated and a bit painful. I really dont want to discuss all this as part of a light chit chat with a stranger. So now if someone asks me "where are you from" I just say - Hackney. No further questions usually asked, but if pushed re my accent I say - Eastern Europe.

I'm European😅

Where are you from OP? 😁