To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

Tell them where you are from, if they ask questions about where you are from just say you don’t know; you haven’t lived there since you were a child.

I don't think people are going to necessarily imagine that get asked this often and therefore choose not to ask you themselves. I guess the less you say and give minimal answers, the slower the conversation will be. Though I am surprised that you have been asked it, even in a queue or bus? That seems quite odd.

Yes, totally, but you're the only one that used that language. The other three posters have, if I'm not mistaken, said that it is othering someone - which involves, according to one reputable source, securing one's own identity by distancing and stigmatising another, which is crazy. That is not what's happening in 99% of cases. It's either an attempt to build a genuine connection or else it's polite conversation. And much of the time, the people asking don't even know if the person comes from the same place as they do or not - that's the point of questions - you don't know the answers before you've asked them!

most of the people i work with are from abroad -nhs-
one lady has refused to say where she is from, i am intrigued

It's only seen as potentially impolite if you're a person who is aware of how it might offend, and generally positive about the UK being such a multicultural place.
The majority of the UK population are unaware that it might be impolite.
A minority don't care that it might be impolite.
Most people simply ask it either out of genuine curiosity, or a wish to make conversation (thinking it more interesting than the weather).
A small minority ask it out of malice, having negative feelings towards the UK's multicultural nature.

@Playdoughy I bet you're Brazilian?

It’s modern good manners not to ask, because it could be construed as racism but lots of people are unaware of this shift ( they don’t consume the kind of media where this is discussed ) and still think it’s good manners to ask friendly questions.

It most definitely is othering! You have no idea what you are talking about.
I am in exactly the same position as the OP.
The “where are you from questions” are not conversation openers. If I was at a party or something, it is understandable, but it happens at extremely inappropriate times.
Quite often, I will be in a shop, concentrating on a purchase, getting my wallet out, etc, & the cashier will ask it, disrupting my train of thought, their work flow, etc &. It is incredibly annoying.
Recently I was queuing waiting to see a pharmacist and some random guy in the shop asks me where I am from. This is England, where people are very reserved & rarely talk to strangers!! Why does this cultural norm, to be reserved, not apply when they detect that you are from somewhere else.
I have always observed xenophobia here (now getting worse with all the St George flags) and I would put the “where are you from “ question, as OP & I experience it, in that category.

I've lived in a few places across the UK but English born and bred. I get asked this all the time and do I get offended? No. I'm white, have changed my accent to a neutral one and I give absolutely no hoots if I'm asked where I'm from, especially living where I do now. Where I am now, non locals have a specific nickname and yes, it is just as much a chat about the weather as where you were born. No need to be precious.

I get this, white but with NZ accent. And everyone says the same 3 things About how their cousins hairdresser lives in NZ. Then they ask about Lord of the RIngs. Then ask why I live here rather than there (I say the weather). Treat it a harmless mostly, and at least I have the option to keep my mouth shut.

My partner is mixed race, British born, and he gets asked where he's "from" continuously. Very racist.

So do you wear bright clothes that attract people? Because if you were queuing for the loo, why would anyone talk to you? They can't hear an accent can they?

Of course, you would never be racist!🙄

" Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz."

I'd love to know what the xyzs are!

I find all small talk boring and draining and I don't think you've given a satisfying account of why this would be more so or why you don't shut it down immediately by just lying and replying that you're from Oxford or some such. We are an Island of strangers, it's natural for people to be curious. Either end the conversation or lead it in a preffered direction. Just tell them you're bored, you don't have to go into it. You don't have to be so passive if you feel that strongly. It may be as motivated by xenophillia than anything else, there's no way to tell from your post. But you are a free autonomous person, don't get repeatedly dragged through a conversation you don't want to have, practice some lines or have something uo your sleeve to steer people away or just tell them simply you're too tired of answering these questions. If your body language indicates you're not into the chat, they're then being rude to persist and it's no biggie to be rude right back if you need to be.

Are you from LA? Or Texan, or mebbe more southern?

I think you're making this into a bigger deal than it is and I say this as an eternal expat

This happens to people who move to different countries. It happened to me when I lived abroad because people are just curious.

Presumably the poster meant an accent that's not from the region you live in. She seemed to be saying she'd lived in Scotland all her life but didn't have a Scottish accent.

Obviously almost all accents are regional, although some people do have a kind of mixed accent which is not identifiably from one region, especially if they have been brought up moving between countries, gone to international schools etc.

But OP has talked of social situations mostly where this question is asked and that's how it's being discussed on the thread for the most part. I have said in another post that being asked on a bus by a stranger when you're just minding your own business is a different situation but the thread has largely been about social situations and indeed most of the people who have used the term seem to be referring to social situations or else didn't specify otherwise. I cannot see how this question is othering in social situations by all but a tiny minority of people. If asked aggressively in the line for the toilets or something then yes, that does sound different.

I think it’s very rude of others to expect a full-on conversation as if you are a tourist guide several times a day, everywhere you go as you ride a bus, stand in a queue, sit together in a restaurant etc as you have described. It’s an unsustainable intrusion surely, because you can’t possibly have enough hours in the day and they should recognise that.

So if they are just passers by, I think you are going to have to give off a less approachable vibe or look busy on your phone or have a smile and a few stock phrases ready: Sorry, must dash. or Sorry, sore throat. or Just expecting a call. or Chat next time. or No time to explain right now. or It’s too a long story. or I don’t like to talk about it. or I don’t understand English. or I wouldn’t want to bore you with my story.
Or maybe OP, you could just name a continent and then turn away so that they get the message you don’t wish to chat.

In a social situation, meeting people for the first time, I think you just have to be prepared, - with a quickly delivered, precis version that doesn’t prompt more questions. And perfect your art of turning the conversation around on to them.
Maybe you do that already.

It’s good to know at least, that people are friendly and interested instead of hostile. Long may that last.

People are trying to make conversation.
I am autistic, and I have worked really hard over the years to learn how to ‘chit chat’ with strangers. Unique accents are a conversation starter in that respect.
People are generally just doing their best to engage and come across as interested and friendly.
Unlike you.

I just answer that I’m from Hampstead. No one ever has a follow up question.

I’m with you OP - find something else to make conversation about ffs. The fact that I am foreign but white / white passing (and therefore “Where are you from?” isn’t presumed to be loaded) doesn’t make it an OK topic of conversation.

And I bet when he replies I'm from London he's then asked but where are really from!

Damn people being interested and passing the time of day!

And they say Londoners are unfriendly.

Just grunt at them or say I get asked that all the time, that’ll shut them up!

Merry Christmas!

I wouldn’t ask someone where they are from unless I had first hand knowledge they had moved to the uk. But yes I can see why it gets boring, you must meet lots of new people though to have your repeat the conversation.

I am always asked where I am from but I noticed an interesting thing. When I lived in London, it would usually be followed up with the dreadful question "why did you move here" and then "do you go back and visit"... Every. Single. Time.

Now I live in West Country and people usually follow up with a story of visiting my country, or that they always wanted to visit, or that they've heard about x,y,z.. People around here are much more interesting, friendly and conversations are way more meaningful.