To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

I have a British accent, have lived in the UK since I was 3, educated here etc etc but still get asked all the time where I’m from. The other day a man looked at me and just asked “are you polish?” His reasoning was that I have blonde hair, blue eyes and high cheek bones. I always respond with “my family is from x” rather than “I’m from” because it does suggest separation. I get your frustration. I even get that you’re suggesting that your frustration is coming from boredom. Where we are there are loads of St George’s flags flying and whenever I’m asked where I’m from there’s a moment of “is this going to be a “oh lovely!” Kind of conversation or a “why don’t you go back there”” conversation.

Jesus Christ.

I sympathise OP, I think this happens all over. I only lived abroad briefly (I’m British), and spoke the language, but it’s not my mother tongue. I reckon I could count on one hand the number of times I WASN’T asked where I was from 😆 to complicate matters, my accent in second language is odd (I can’t ’hear’ my own accent in second language, so can only go by what native speakers tell me I sound like) and apparently speak with a reasonably strong accent that I am told does not sound at all British, most common guess is Danish. No idea why, as I’ve never even been to Denmark. So when I told people where I was from, we then had to go through the whole rigmarole of them expressing surprise as my nationality doesn’t match how I speak and me explaining that I have absolutely no idea how or why I developed my confusing accent. Every time!

YABU. People just make polite conversation. They don't actually care.

I could not disagree more - this question is the bread and butter of social interaction for a reason and the fact that there are so many different backgrounds out there is exactly why it's normal and healthy to be interested. Sometimes I've asked it, sometimes the other person has asked first, but every lifelong friendship or meaningful connection I've ever made has either started with this question or else it's come up pretty early on in the conversation (I've lived in the UK and in two different foreign countries - one context very white, the other not at all). It works so well for most of us because it takes you from small talk into something that can become funny, meaningful and engaging more or less immediately if two people genuinely want to connect.

Of course, if someone doesn't want to answer for whatever reason then they can say so and the conversation can move on to another topic, but if we all decide that it's rude and offensive to show an interest in another person's background then I personally think we lose something important. Having said that, the OP seems more concerned with boredom than offence and would prefer to talk about the weather or where her bag came from. I can't say I've ever had an interesting or engaging conversation about the weather or a bag but then we're all different I suppose.

Exactly this.

I get asked this sometimes. I don't mind the question itself, but my country is seen as a lovely place to live, so it is inevitably followed up with 'So what are you doing here?' or 'Why would you ever want to leave there?' I know people are being nice about my country, but it is such an awkward question because I left for personal/family reasons that I don't want to share with strangers at the bus stop. Not sure what to do about it, so I generally just say something vague and ask about them instead. Many people love telling you something about themselves, so this can be a great deflection technique.

Personally i’d never ask someone where they are from, not someone I don’t know unless the conversation led there. I live on outskirts of London and work with people from all over the world. Many born in the UK, some who moved here. I think it can come across as rude, though i’m sure people think they are just making polite conversation.

Gah, in london and beyond, ǰ I often ask this when I hear a pronounced accent...I didn't realise it would upset people as, having come from the deep dark country, am genuinely interested in where they are from and am generally greeted with very interesting information! It comes from genuine curiosity and i haven't ever meant to 'other' anyone.

Luckily, those I have spoken to seem to have been quite happy to have talked about their home country. But maybe I should rethink my enquiries as I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable....

Honestly, you could really have some fun with it. Pick a place Depending on your mood!

Self-centred? It’s polite conversation ffs. Get over yourself!

Sorry but yabu. I've also got an accent as I didn't grow up in the UK and get asked all the time. People are just being friendly and making conversation. It's small talk.

There are probably no questions that don't upset or offend someone. In fact, I've seen people offended by others asking them how their weekend was on here before. You could stop asking about anything at all of course but then people will label you a non-asker and think you're rude for not making the effort to engage others! There was an article in the Guardian about non-askers a while back by someone who found them pretty miserable company. Personally I think curiosity is welcomed by most, as you've experienced, and those who don't like it should probably just spend more time alone with their screens. The majority who've voted think the OP is BU - it's 77% at the time of writing and those who agree may be doing so more because of the boredom aspect than the offensiveness aspect, I suspect. Very strange to not expect this question in social situations though in my opinion.

YANBU. It’s very tedious and borderline racist.

I immigrated to a city in Scotland 20 years ago and have this conversation constantly. It’s exhausting and I totally get it. I grew up in the states so then it takes a few different paths

1. Tell me everything you and your entire family think about trump
2. Tell me how you got here. Are you really British citizens now? How?
3. Guns eh?
4. Why did you leave? America has great shops / roads / whatever

Of course I expect this sort of conversation from acquaintances - my kids friends’ parents (though their friends couldn’t care less), colleagues, whatever. But having this conversation over and over again with taxi drivers and people at shops and the man who fixed my boiler is a lot on a bad day.

If you are in London, high probability that you are not being asked by English people. Lots of London is now occupied by foreign people, depending on area.

Just don't respond, if you really find this that intrusive. Simple enough if you don't want to engage. Personally, I like it when people take an interest. If anything the question "so what do you do?" is by far the most common question asked in any social introduction and I find that far more boring.

Pretend you have flu and you’re saving your voice?

Why can't you just change the subject? Say you've talked about it too much and initiate conversation about something you would prefer talking about?

Well, I've spent my life living in foreign countries, and I always enjoy being asked this question. It opens up for all sorts of other discussion topics that are much more interesting than the weather. If the person I'm chatting to has visited my birth country, we can talk about their impressions of it; or sometimes we talk about politicians, or history, or all the other places I've lived, and which of those they have visited too... IMHO it's a useful conversation starter. I welcome it and never think it's rude. My accent is quite a mongrel, and people are naturally curious about my story.

Same here, I get asked where I'm originally from but I definitely don't find it rude - people are just interested.

And when I made the choice to move to the UK I was well aware that my accent wouldn't be the same as theirs, and I'm fine with that. To be honest, the thing that took me by surprise was that when I go to visit the country I grew up in people there also ask me where I'm from as my accent has changed a bit. So I'm now 'forrin' in every country in the world!

People aren't asking to be offensive, they're just showing an interest.

@ParmaVioletTea l have an accent, l’ve been asked where l’m from, many times over the years.
I understand for some people, it’s just a conversation starter, being friendly.
Personally l think it’s (unfair and judgmental)to say it’s borderline racism when someone is making conversation, asking where someone is from.

Which definition of racism are you using? I've read about many different definitions of racism over the years and have never come across one that would see a question like this understood as racism but maybe there's a new theory? Genuine question.

I think it's because one of the few things we Londoners have in common is that most of us are from somewhere else, I'm from Scotland and get asked it loads. I think it often ends up being a more interesting conversation than the weather.

My dh adores talking about the country of his birth. He is equally and enthusiastically interested in every person he meets, wherever we are. There are times when my heart is in my mouth in case anyone is offended. So far so good, but I do worry.