To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

You need to work on having a "don't approach me" expression. I have never learnt to do this so I am always approached by chuggers.

I get this, even in my own town- and I was born here 😂
to be fair it did bother me sometimes when I was younger but now I’m older I see it’s mostly curiosity and people trying to find a way to get to know you- and/ or be nosey 😀

Lovely accent, where are you from?
Lithuania, but I've been here donkey's years. You local?
Yeah. Something something Lithuania?
Oh, it's ages since I've been there. How's your Christmas shaping up?
I've got all four children, their partners and six grandchildren coming!
... conversation follows another well-worn path.

If you mean that you're generally pissed off by random small talk, rather than the one topic, you'll have to learn to be less approachable.

It’s definitely dancing with racism and profiling when people have dark skin etc. But it also happens to people who ‘look like the majority’ (when speaking a second language publicly between family members for example, or eating an unfamiliar food) and it’s still very othering and can be very hurtful and offensive. Some people go back generations in a place and still have to deal with this. It’s usually not meant offensively but nevertheless, it can be very offensive because of the underlying automatic assumption that only a certain ‘type’ of person is ‘from here’ and belongs ‘here’ and all other types need to explain themselves. It’s a matter of manners, not making assumptions and waiting for an appropriate context when asking what can be a very personal question.

What’s needed is gorgeous embroidered brooches from Hand and Lock in London: in golden thread, [Non possum] and [Noli me tangere], as in the great description by Myles na gCopaleen of a woman’s expression, as though she felt ready to quite expire from the sheer press of humanity around her.

I know that, but was on about whether or not we really are enjoined never to express any such enquiry, in any circs.

I have a “forrin” accent and am asked this all the time. I was asked today while chatting at an event. The man was just interested and also told me where he was brought up so he wasn’t being offensive or overly nosey. It doesn’t really bother me tbh, I think that people are just trying to make conversation and find connections -generally they’re complimentary about your home country.

When people ask me where im from, in a funny way I look at them and say my mum 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.

You see I’d have thought it standard conversation if someone heard an accent they were not familiar with and just wondered where it was from. I’m English, born and bred here, I have absolutely no history of any foreign blood since at least Saxon times but I’ve been asked by a foreign lady where I was from because I have a regional accent she hadn’t heard before. It wasn’t a big deal really.

They will likely always ask because of your accent. But giving one word answers soon moves them onto different topics.

I am also not from the country I reside in, so the conversation is two way. I’ve never had a bad interaction from showing genuine interest in another person. It’s one of the reasons I love living where I live, so many people are from somewhere else.

Let’s hope we don’t cross paths somewhere around the world! 😂

That was my first thought too! 😂

It interesting to hear different accents and absolutely polite to ask about it. I work with people all over the in the UK and also overseas. I've never had a problem with engaging in our differences and turn of phrase. It's actually quite connecting.

Exactly this!

So where are you from?

just tell them you’re British and your accent is a medical issue 😂 British people will be probably too polite to ask anymore that.

I’m living abroad and I get sick and tired of people wanting to practice their English, asking if I’ll teach their kids / help with English homework. I also get annoyed at people asking me to bring them things - teabags etc. They can buy them here!!! They all insist it’s not the same ones. It definitely is. There isn’t tetleys for UK and tetleys to sell abroad. And it’s not people I know well either, other parents at kids’ school for example who say hello but not close friends! I just think we have such short time with family when we come back, yet they think I have time to go shopping for them! This Xmas (we’re coming back) , a school mum has asked if I can get teabags for her mother 😂

so you have my sympathy. Sometimes in your case maybe people don’t know what to say so they are trying to make conversation… another perspective is I think it shows how open and inquisitive British people are to other people. Where we are, there’s huge amounts of racism and it’s horrible. People can be very ignorant and unkind. So in some ways it’s a positive especially given the political landscape at the moment , that people are genuinely interested in your heritage culture!
My final tip is you can also say (with your lovely accent) ’sorry I speak little English’ and smile.. 😂 and that’s the end of that!! I’ve been known to do that myself once or twice if I’ve had enough 😂😂 X

Both my partner and I were born outside the UK. We both still have our accents (Finnish and Japanese).

I’m white. My partner is not.

I get asked where I’m from on a regular basis. My partner is rarely asked.

I feel that people see the question as potentially offensive when directed at someone who isn’t white (risk of being perceived as racist/implying the person doesn’t fully belong).

Oh! I moved away from London a couple of years ago and have been really puzzled by NOT being asked where I'm from! Maybe it is a London thing?

I'm from London and am staying in London over Christmas and was chatting to another Londoner and we both quickly established exactly where we were from in London.

I’m white

i live down south and was born and brought up in lancashire

i regularly get people asking where I’m from as my accent isn’t local at all.

i agree with a pp that i would never ask this of a poc but white people are fine. It’s a standard small talk opening and I’ve had some very interesting conversations as a result.

It happens to me at least several times a week. It gets tiresome although I don’t mind it as much from someone who is also speaking with a foreign accent. Sometimes I can get grumpy with my responses or roll my eyes.

Do people ask you your name a lot in social situations too? Does that bother you as much?

YANBU. You are being very reasonable. People shouldn’t ask this question any more. People come from everywhere now for many reasons, immigration, tourism, international companies, employment and so on. I think we need to learn new manners - a new manner - that it’s not acceptable to ask “Where are you from?” just as it’s not acceptable to ask, “How old are you?”

I’m just not sure what you can answer, other than as a previous poster said - London. Most people would then know that you don’t want to go on with the conversation, but some won’t, and I’m not sure what you do about that.

@FiveSheltiesmaking Lancashire proud!!!

In all honesty, I'd consider it as people taking an interest but thank you for sharing that you don't like it as I probably wouldn't think twice about asking during polite chit chat. Obviously not the opening line, but if someone was generally chatty I thought it was a nice thing to do to get to know someone. I am British but have a regional accent from somewhere a long way from where I now live. I'm asked about it regularly and am proud of my heritage so happily engage. I'm sure if I just said "actually id rather not talk about it" then people would happily change the subject.

I live in New York City and get asked pretty much every day where I’m from. It’s all part and parcel of living overseas, which I have done for several decades. Some places I have stuck out like a sore thumb as a foreigner and others, like here, I have to actually open my mouth before anyone clocks I’m an immigrant. I don’t mind at all, people have a natural curiousity and want to ask about the UK and the city I am from. We’re all from somewhere here and it’s not a rude question, though I appreciate it is considered a little more intrusive in Britain, as if you’re implying someone is not truly British.