To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

And the weather! Incredibly insensitive to those who suffer from SADS.

We could literally go on like this about every single topic.

I certainly don't ask non-Christians about Christmas plans, that seems pretty obvious, but a neutral 'taking any time off during the holidays?' is harmless enough whilst showing interest. It's not hard.

We’re moving towards a future where no one speaks in person. We just go home and call each other stupid, ignorant, boring, rude etc online via anonymous accounts because that’s much friendlier and less insulting than small talk about where we have lived previously.

Be grateful people want to talk to you!!

“Are you celebrating Christmas?”
”No, we are not Christians”
”Oh right, enjoy the long weekend”

Could anyone take offence at that?

This!!! This is what I mean when I say I get asked this in most random situations all the time!
And I really don't understand why some people are saying this is natural curiosity - this is intrusive, rude and in this particular example super unprofessional.
The number of times I payed for a service and had to endure the series of personal questions!

I am not a grumpy person, if I talk to someone about something and we already have a conversation going and they take interest in my accent - that's alright, I don't find it rude or impolite it is just someone being curious about you - in appropriate circumstances.
And I am really disappointed to read how people tend to generalise and immediately jump to - oh you are precious, get over your self, people need to interact...
If people tell you on this thread how they feel awkward or uncomfortable being constantly asked about their background (and potentially digging into very personal territory) by total strangers - jeez take a hint.

Why is it offensive to ask someone where they're from if they don't sound like they're from the area?

@BringBackCatsEyes Yes, thats a good way of phrasing it.

Because it’s like saying you’re different, you stand out and I’ve noticed. Now some people may not mind that, they may be happy
to chat to anyone about anything but other people just want to get on with their day without having to give their personal history
to every shop assistant and person in the bus queue every time they leave the house.

That’s a new one!

May be contributing, I do visit a lot of child friendly places or play areas. But actually, being asked these questions in such context is fair play - people do want to get to know each other and I understand being a bit extra curious when you are considering potential playdates etc...
Somehow many people on this thread don't (want to) understand that I am not complaining about normal people's interactions.

What I am trying to point out is the number of random people who are literally only interested about my background. I lost my phone a few weeks back - in a supermarket - rushed back in, asked the lady who works there if someone handed it in - you could tell I was distressed and looking around and was very focused on moving on to look elsewhere - and I kid you not she asked my 'btw where are you from'!!!
I actually responded and then said I live here (thinking she may be asking if I am a tourist in the context of my phone being lost) - she continued to share some of her knowledge on the history of the part of the world I am from and had more follow up questions. How is that normal or appropriate...

Oh, jist deal with ir. Like every other person does when asked something annoying.

Most people have some savvy and only ask in a semi appropriate place.

If we never ask out of fear of upsetting someone, the world would be awful.

I can speak about it and I do, quite a lot actually. There’s a time and place though.

Its obviously not normal is it.

But the vast majority do not ask at such a stupid tine and therefore won't be changing how we speak to people on the back of this thread.

Agreed!!

I'm from the South of England, if I met somebody with a Northern English accent I would ask them whereabouts in England they were from! Does that make me anti-Northern?!! I don't reserve such conversation openers for those who might be non-UK!

Just deal with it? The abuse and xenophobia that sometimes comes with it as well?

@Playdoughy I can see why you’d be frustrated in that situation, her wittering on was totally inappropriate!

I think I’ve been lucky, because I’ve never been asked about my origins in that type of situation.

No. Please see that im outraged that any xenophobia or racism stems from anyone asking that question.

They are in the wrong amf should be called out on it. I would call them out on it if I heard it and im truly sorry you're ever subjected to people like that.

But when some of us ask that question it is because we see you as a fellow human being, who just happens to come from a different place. And we ask a question, like any other question, to get to know someone better. To make others feel seen. To pass the time. For chit chat.

And if we have to stop asking questions like that, then the despicable racists have won.

Also,
EatYourDamnPie

Great user name. Best moment of tv all year!

I've worded this really clumsily, but I think we can all maybe agree that its people asking with bad intentions that are causing the friction here...

That's sounds snobbish to me and unnecessary.

@EatYourDamnPie Tbf, the OP hasn’t mentioned abuse or xenophobia, she’s talking about people asking in inappropriate situations and I do sympathize with that, I wouldn’t want someone yapping to me about the UK when I was stressing about my lost phone!

Why not go beyond my accent though? Where I’m from does not make me , me. It doesn’t really tell you anything about me as a person , or my personality. Bexley is just as relevant as my home country. Soon I’d have lived here longer than I did there. If you really want to see me, look beyond my accent. If you really want me to feel like just another fellow human being, ask something else, anything else. And in time(and that can be 5/10 minutes) , it’ll come up naturally anyway. Or at least give it those few minutes before you ask. Don’t ask me when I’m shopping because you heard me talking to my daughter, or at my daughter’s orthodontist appointment, or at the bus stop , or wherever I’m just going on about my day , just because you heard me talk. And it’s the first thing you ask, not even a hello, or excuse me.

Like I said before, there’s a time and place. I don’t understand why so many posters refuse to understand that.

I read most responses and interestingly many are suspicious that this actually happens so often to people.
For me it may be more because I am often out and about with my very chatty DC, so people overhear me talking - and yes it happened even when we were queueing for a toilet.

I also had situations where both me and my DH were asked and more than once people commenting on how this is an interesting combo (?!?) - being proud of their knowledge about historical backgrounds of our countries, cultural differences and not exactly friendly history.
Imagine queuing for an anniversary dinner with your partner and then being asked by a total stranger behind you something along the lines 'how do you even get along' all while smiling in your face because I guess (judging by the responses here) he was just making a friendly conversation and is interested in other cultures.
Such a great conversation starter 😑