To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

But you can't expect other people to telepathically know which particular topics you think are rude? What if you thought talking about the weather was rude? Or speaking on a Sunday? What if you found it really rude that people never tried to engage you in conversation at all and ignored you completely?

Can't you see that, in the absence of deliberate rudeness, this is just something that you personally have a problem with, but you are entirely unreasonable to expect people to read your mind.

I don't have a problem with people asking me where I'm from. So if we were standing next to each other at a bus stop people would be rolling the dice between pleasant small talk and an awkward huffing.

That's the thing though...think about what you're asking when you ask someone who was born somewhere else where they're from. Whatever led to it, moving countries is a pretty major life change, is it not? How is that 'small' talk? I think everyone who voted that OP is unreasonable should emigrate and spend 20-30 years elsewhere.Then come back and comment.

Do you think everyone who asks about other peoples accents are being “intentionally insensitive”?

If they've heard that they're foreign, yes, they're insensitive and entitled- for the reasons I've explained across my posts.

Sooo… where are you from?

I did.
And I commented.

Some of you seem to speak on behalf of all immigrants here...

But it’s not if it’s a British accent? How is it less “exhausting” for a British person?

I'm not talking on behalf of immigrants. I'm talking from the perspective of someone who doesn't assume that everyone is willing and happy to share something so personal to any random stranger who asks.

How do you engage when you meet strangers? Sit back and wait for the effort to come from them and then be annoyed when you didn't like the questions or do you just monologue at people? Or maybe you have a set of magic questions that don't offend or bore anyone? I've never come across these...

How do you manage that without the magical “where are you from question “ then?

Because the elephant in the room is identity and belonging. If you're talking about Yorkshire v Lancaster or whatever, it's still the UK, it's still 'us'. I think ramming a difference down the throat of someone who's moved here decades ago is not the same, it's loaded whether you mean to or not.

One can be different and still belong

“Yorkshire or Lancashire or whatever”
A little bit dismissive there. Some might be offended.

we have very different accents from parts of the country quite close to each other - I can tell the difference between a Sheffield accent and a Leeds one. Accents are something that we are used to scrutinising ......

I've lived in the South of England for 50yrs, I'm from the North. I still get asked where I'm from - even after 30yrs in this southern city and my Northern relatives think I have a southern accent now.

If you want to live in the UK you will have to get used to it I'm afraid.

Apologies, but I think you get my point.

I think everyone who voted that OP is unreasonable should emigrate and spend 20-30 years elsewhere.Then come back and comment.

@StandFirm That’s me. I’ve lived abroad most of my adult life and have never lost my accent. It’s probably changed slightly but not much. So I’m regularly asked where I’m from and it doesn’t bother me, because, as I said upthread, most people are genuinely interested. I’ve only encountered a handful who were negative towards me.

I also ask people whether they’re local
or not though, because it’s interesting. 🤷

I didn’t vote that the OP was unreasonable though, because we all have different life experiences.

Im on the fence on this issue. On one hand i can see how this can be annoying but on the other, you are getting annoyed at people showing interest in you.

Do you feel ‘less than’ because you are from another country?

If this keeps happening all the time, surely by now you have standard phrases to divert conversation. A few polite answers and you can ask questions about them, focusing in them. Problem solved?

Small talk is a huge part of British culture. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes people seem dismissive or nosy. Mostly, it’s a nice way to pass the time or even make friends.

It’s part of life here.

@Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim Its not just the UK, I think it happens globally, humans are nosy creatures!

😂😂😂 fair point!

But does it have to be about someone's origins? I personally don't consider that small talk. There are so many other conversation starters!

Not one of the “it’s just small talk” posters have managed to explain how they magically manage to make small talk with people who aren’t from someplace else. If it’s such an essential question to small talk, social interaction and the sheer fabric of Britishness how do you manage otherwise?

Such as…

Oh come on! 🙄

Pp HAVE mentioned

Christmas plans, weather, children, etc.