To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

@Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim Maybe you should read the post by @FellowSuffereroftheAbsurd quoted above, if you haven't already.

Luckily I don’t have to , because a lot more people don’t ask. Or at least wait a bit , rather than being the first thing that comes out of their mouth (which is off putting), or it comes up naturally in the conversation. Maybe you’re just lacking in imagination, if you can’t possibly think of any other ways to make small talk/start a conversation.

And maybe you should read posts from people who are really happy to speak about themselves and disagree with you.

Humans need interaction. Sometimes those interactions will make us uncomfortable. Sometimes it will make you dislike the other person. That is all fine. It’s part of being human.

If you think you’ve never made an annoying comment or made someone feel uncomfortable or bored someone to tears by asking question you and other people have found to be completely polite, interesting and reasonable, you’re deluded. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Just that you have different topics of interest/ topics of comfort.

All of that is fine and navigating it is part of life.

Yes that will be it. I’m very stupid and boring.

Thank you for bringing that to my attention ☺️ I’m glad you didn’t feel like it might be rude to.

But that's just the way British people are. It's the same when someone is cleaning their car and a neighbour says "oh you can do mine next" as if they are the first person to have ever thought of that.

I would hate to live in a place where people didn't make small talk. I notice when I'm in a waiting room now that people are just staring at their phones and I just find that sad.

@Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim As a person from a foreign country who is at the end of these questions- what is it that upsets you so much about my opinion? The fact it doesn't match your view? Please continue to do as you want, I don't think everyone has to agree on everything, but plenty of people repeatedly stated on this thread how tedious and unpleasant they find these conversations. You can continue to ignore them and I will continue to cringe and change the subject when another unimaginative stranger prods me about my 'home country'.

I love small talk, actually, but I don't like listening to people tell me about their or their family's stag-do experiences in Krakow. I am glad my accent comes up rarely these days, I'd much rather talk about the weather!

I personally don't understand why anyone would try and establish a 'rapport' with a complete stranger by asking what is ultimately a loaded question. And yes, I think it's very different whether two white Brits, under the assumption that they're both white Brits, ask the 'where are you from' question or whether that question is aimed at someone with an identifiable difference. Anyone saying denying that is being disingenuous.

I realise that this comment is deeply depressing, but that's the sad xenophobic and racist world we live in.

I’m really sorry you feel that way, and I really don’t want to come across as cruel or callous but, this is an issue that you have to deal with.

Similarly:
I have a very traumatic family background, when people ask if I’m seeing my family over Christmas, it hurts a bit but I wouldn’t dream of making it that poor person’s issue. They’re just being friendly. It’s a me issue. It’s for me to deal with.

Yes. If they have an accent that’s not local to the area. It’s a perfectly common question.

I have a Yorkshire accent and you better believe people comment on it when I’m London or Canada or Australia.

I think it's not quite the same: the person asking you about Christmas and family is accidentally insensitive, not actively picking on a difference that they've identified about you.

Sure, but the subtext will feel very different for someone who's not native. Let's face it, if there's an accent, I think it's usually easy to identify who sounds British (even if the regional accent is hard to place) and who's not native. Therefore, I think those people asking non-natives on the basis of their accents are basically saying 'you're not one of us and I've heard it'. Whether it's meant out of benign curiosity or bigotry is beside the point. The emotion being conveyed is one of 'you're OBVIOUSLY different', so much so that it deserves a comment from a random person. That same question will NOT feel the same for someone who's secure in their native identity.

When I lived in the USA, everyone asked where I was from. They knew from TV programmes that I was English. Reactions to me varied. In some places, where there was an Irish-American element, I was the devil incarnate. Among young blacks and Hispanics, the conversation was "what's it like being black in the UK?" To which, my only response could be: How would I know? I am white, and always have been. Everyone else was pretty normal, unless I mentioned a place their family originated from 100 years before, in which case they started looking for kin.

I couldn't disagree more. I'm white and live in a very white part of the UK - people ask this all the time in social situations. I've lived abroad in multiple countries (one also a very white context and the other far more diverse) and people asked me this all the time there too. Everyone experiences repetition in social situations with new people - it's unavoidable and a totally universal experience but what's the alternative? How do you know what kind of conversation someone would find fascinating without knowing anything about them?

Do you only make small talk with people from someplace else?

Some of us just love people, find them interesting and love to know more. I often ask, it's fascinating

Americans do it constantly but then they've had hyphenated identities for a very long time so I think the cultural context is slightly different.

What a sad world when difference is seen as a bad thing.

Im taller than average, and have three children. Plus a different accent than where I live. I don't mind hearing the same things being said re myself by others, I really dont.

I do understand that there must be many racist, xenophobic idiots around, but why should they win? What should we all have to avoid speaking about our wonderfully diverse differences?

Some people are private, some have no interest in others and cant understand anyone who has. Some hate small talk. There are many reasons why uou may bot like being asked this. But surely you can see that some people do have an interest in others, do like to start conversations do like small talk.

You can feel irritated but you can't police other people's perfectly reasonable conversational attempts.

Maybe you can wait until they volunteer that information? I never ask because I don't feel entitled to someone's life story unless they want to get into it.

I make small talk with anyone, why?

But surely you must realise that these other questions are considered just as boring by many people and offensive by some? I have heard people say as much many times on various online forums over the years. Not asking anything is also considered highly rude by quite a lot of people!

Some people on here sound like very hard work. Look, just don’t engage. If you don’t want to listen to people talking about your “home country” or commenting your “accent” simply don’t answer, change the subject or tell them it’s boring. TBH perhaps people would probably rather you be honest so they can extricate themselves and avoid unwittingly causing you further exhaustion .

I can understand why it grates after a while. I don’t think most people are being unkind — it’s usually curiosity or small talk — but being asked repeatedly can still feel uncomfortable.

I’m not “native” to Australia or Canada. Nor am I “native” to all the other places I’ve travelled and been asked where I’m from.