YANBU, and sadly I've not yet worked out a solid polite way to manage it yet.
I get it a lot, I've tried altering how I speak, but so far been unsuccessful - where I've lived for a couple decades now has a fairly light accent, for lack of better descriptor, and the help I've sought out and speaking exercises I've done hasn't yet been able to produce a local accent, just a mixed one. If I could change it, I would, in a heartbeat.
when I hear that question, it's not just the drain of it happening often, it's bracing for the unknown of what comes next. As much as people want to pretend it's just that people are interested and curious - that's not my experience and really, even if it was true, I wish there was something more interesting about me to talk about than why I still sound weird.
I've had the person who sounds like they're just being curious turn around and rant about how they knew I wasn't local and why they have an issue with that or how ridiculous it is that I still have an accent after over 20 years or demand to know if my loyalty is to the Crown. I've had people start to list the countries they think it's acceptable to move here from. I've had people go from sounding nice to being really angry that they've guessed where I grew up wrong to the point that I will now lie if people do that, I've been followed at work, through closed doors, by a professional in another department after I'd honestly answered their question because she wanted to tell me what she thought I'd sounded like and when I told her that I was uncomfortable and really needed to focus on my work (she knew I was preparing to work with a child victim of rape who was waiting in the next room with her family), she continued on with how interesting she thinks different parts of how I sound is - I felt like I was no longer a professional to her, just a curiosity that she needed to work out of her system before she walked away, no interest at all in me as a person, just in getting her thoughts on my voice out of her system at me.
And that's the people who ask. I've been followed around shops with people mocking how I say certain words having made the mistake of asking a staff member a question. My kids and I have all been shouted at in the street for how we talk and I've been called all sorts for asking grown adults to leave my kids alone when they've refused to believe my kids were born and raised here. I've had medical professionals say my older two children's communication difficulties are because of my accent (they were later diagnosed as autistic), I've had to get involved at one of my kid's schools because she was being bullied after a teacher had started to make near daily jokes and asking her questions like wanting her to explain how the medical system in the country the teacher assumed my kid was from. I had to threaten to make a formal complaint to get the school to intervene, up to that point, they kept telling DD that the kids mocking and insulting her for her accent were just 'interested'.
So yeah, maybe I'm a bit chippy, maybe I need to lighten up or work harder on getting rid of what's left of my childhood accent, maybe I need to do better to engage with people and be interested. I still don't think it's unreasonable to be sick and tired of hearing the same question all the time and wanting to not feel pressured to be polite answering personal questions just because of a difference.
Peopke just need to lighten up a bit. It’s polite to show an interest in others. Would you prefer it If nobodyacknowledged your accent? I personally think it’s ignorant to do that.
Yes. I'd absolutely prefer for people talked about or had an interest in what I said or anything else rather than how I say things. Why I sound different and why I look different are my two least favourite topics to have with strangers, and I'm fine with the latter when it's about my hair or clothes or something I chose. I didn't choose how I sound.
I think it's a bit ignorant to in this time where there is so much anti-immigrant rhetoric going on and so much news of issues in other countries to not at least consider when hearing a foreign accent that the person with it might not want the reminder of that we can't blend in that most of us really don't need or that talking about where we're from may not be light small talk comfortable topic. I mean, I fled my country of origin as my alternatives were homelessness or forced marriage - I don't tell the people who are just being curious that because that's not the small talk they're looking for, as many have said - people who ask where I'm from, then why I'm in the UK aren't really interested, they're being social -- but it does mean that to be polite, I need to lie on a regular basis. It's not the worst thing, but it can be draining.
It feels a little misanthropic - and as though these days people can’t win. If no one shows any interest people feel invisible, unseen, lonely and disconnected from society, but if a stranger shows interest, tries reach out and try to connect on a human level by asking where you are from that’s invasive and loaded.
Often, when people ask me this, they've entirely ignore what I've said for how I've said it. I find that very disconnecting.
And yes, if you look at the news around us, anything potentially do to with immigration is loaded right now.
Just embrace it, see it as an opportunity to show off your culture or language. It's wonderful that you're different and add interest to people's lives. Please don't get frustrated by the questions.
I left my country of origin because I wasn't safe. There is nothing about it I want to show off.
If the only interest I can add to people's lives is that I sound weird, then I don't think I've really added anything of value.