To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

Having lived in different countries, I get how wearing it can be. But people are looking for ways to connect most of the time so I couldnt be too mad about it all. Just try to steer the subject away - yes, the weather was much better than this, hasnt it been wet lately? etc etc.

Yeah. What a load of absolute bullshit. Again. 🤔🙄

It’s a good point. Next time I ask someone where they are from, I will wait for their reply and then act bored and ask about the inclement weather instead.

No-one in London ever asks me where I'm from, I'm Irish though, probably just too easy to tell that and it's very uninteresting since there are so many Irish there.

What is interesting is the ego-centricity and euro-centric framing of this type of complaint.
Go anywhere in the world, look , sound different from the person opposite you and it raises curiosity/ invites questions. It’s normal and natural.

Framing a neutral question/ social interaction as a personal burden assumes the person asking should already know or avoid the topic.

When i travel to another continent where My heritage is clearly not from - of course there is curiosity and it’s coming from interest and not ignorance.
How many billion people are in the world? We are all different, have different origins, experiences and some want to make connections, understand the other - even if in a brief social encounter.

Many people will relish this, engage, and perhaps even learn something new - or just benefit in a small way from reaching out and making a connection.

Some people may receive this as “othering “/ tedious/ exhausting or otherwise difficult and burdensome issue to contend with - in that case may need to find strategies to disengage - but at end of day is human nature.

OP has vanished so we're now running with the theory it's just a load of bollocks...

Yawn. I have had a comment about my accent pretty much every day since I left Scotland and travelled to other countries. Such is life.

I think it just comes with the territory and not sure there's anything you can do about it. I just take it in the spirit that people don't mean any harm when they ask. My husband (west-country born and bred) and I have lived in Canada for more than a decade and he is frequently asked where in Australia he's from... he still manages a wry smile (usually).

Maybe you just haven't perfected your "fuck off everyone, I'm from London" face yet?

This 😄
Just say I'm from London (or wherever in the UK you used to live) with a "why tf are you asking me that question" look

So who are all these people with the incessant questioning? Are you famous?
Do people just stop you in the street and start interrogating you? Seems a bit weird to me 🙄

Could it be that you are at a stage of your life where you are meeting lots of new people and so having similar conversations? For example when I had young children and was frequenting soft plays and toddler groups the conversation would constantly be about my family and adding more children, my husband etc. Those conversations just don’t happen now as I have moved into a new phase, my kids are older.

Would it help you to consider that this is very much a moment in time kind of thing and once we get older we don’t have so many frequent conversations so random strangers don’t get to enquire about accents and heritage. You are foreseeing this stretching out across the rest of your life and I’m not convinced it will.

Other people don’t exist for your entertainment.

You're right, it is weird.

I am so surprised that you get asked about your heritage when you live in London. Aren't something like 1/2 of London non-white? The people asking can't get much else done if they're asking every other person "where are you from?"

Start having fun with it? Say something like:

• Foreign enough to be asked, local enough to be tired of it
• I'm afraid I can't say gesture and dramatically whisper they might be watching
• oh thank you, I'm actually in a play practicing to be from country of origin and so I'm trying this immersive thing where I speak in the accent all the time
• I’m running an experiment to see how long people believe this accent.
• This is my customer-service voice. It sounds international.
• Genetically? Mostly carbon-based
• I lost a bet in drama school and now I can’t drop it.
• I was raised on international television.
• I pass as foreign; it’s my party trick
• Why—are you recruiting for the Olympics?
• That depends, are we talking emotionally or geographically

Depending on how spicy you're feeling!

I totally wouldn't be ballsy enough to do any of those mind, but I wish I was 😂

I think an important part of this discussion that’s being skirted around is the white/POC dynamic, because it depends whose asking.
A POC asking another POC about their heritage often comes from shared experience or curiosity, and lands very differently to when the same question is asked by a white person.
That nuance is hard to pick up if you haven’t experienced it yourself. I'm interested to know if Op is white. I'm guessing not.

@Etatauri

I'm considering saying Timbuktoo from now on.

Hopefully all the people asking who've got these amazing social and conversational skills will get the hint.

Would you say the same if, after being asked if you have children and say no, the follow up question is why not? It’s a personal subject that may have difficult or sensitive issues behind it, and that doesn’t mean you need ‘help’ with getting upset or just fed up with being asked it.

i hate being asked why I don’t have children, and it’s surprising how many people think it’s ok to ask why I don’t. I do think that more people realise they shouldn’t ask thst as a follow up to the no I don’t have children answer, as it does seem to be asked less. Asking why someone has moved here, when you are a stranger or just met, should be regarded the same. If someone wants to tell you why they can choose to do so, but don’t ask.

Yep, exactly.I’m not going to give it anymore time, it’s indeed just more made up bullshit.With no op insight, dropped a missile and done one😱

You could just answer with where you live like it's a question they'd ask any person.
"Where are you from?"
"Walthamstow, so it wasn't too far to travel!"

And make yourself look like a massive, precious weirdo

I can’t imagine saying that to anyone, to such a simply innocent question?

If you go around thinking everyone is out to get you or trip you up or has alterior motives it will really ruin your mental health. Most people are nice and mean well, not everyone but most.

Oh, if only it stopped there. And sometimes it’s not just the insistence of figuring out exactly where you are FROM, it’s the huff and puff and looking at you like you’re stupid because you keep claiming you’re from “Bexley”.

Whether OP is genuine or not, do all the other poster’s experiences not count AT ALL?

I’ve lived in many countries and was always asked where I was from. Never bothered me but I’m a talkative person and enjoy chatting.

I have foreign friends that don’t like being asked so I don’t ask people where they're from unless they bring it up in conversation.