To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

Of course people are unaware of all your previous conversations though and what you might not want to talk about. How do they know you don't get asked all the time about your handbag? And most people find talking about the weather boring so would never have that high on the list of fun things to talk about with someone they've just met either.

I get asked about work all the time and I hate talking about work. It's boring. So I just say, "oh, my job was xyz, but it was pretty boring and I gave it up when I had kids", change the subject and move on. Some people don't like to be asked about how their family is, or their health. It's just a standard question from people who either a) don't really care but are trying to make polite chit chat efforts, or b) people who love travel or your country and are trying to be nice and show interest. But it's easy to cut it short and change the subject.

Odd that it bothers you to talk about the topic. I have lived her for 20+ years and get the question often too and so have my kids, as none of us have a British accent (even with my kids all being born here!). I like asking this question too because I find it fascinating to learn about others or see if there might be some connection to talk about. Just yesterday we were on the bus and a couple across from us were chatting to my daughter and me. I thought the lady might be from the same country as me and sure enough she was. I then discovered they both also spoke another language, same as my dd....so there had a few words in the second language. Anyway, I do hope others do not get annoyed or feel tired of this question when I ask it!

I think you're being petty, OP. I have an accent that in some people's eyes doesn't match my appearance. I don't mind being asked at all.

24 years, nearly, and I still get it too. Especially also because I tend to meet a lot of new people at work every year. Now I am white european, so not that noticeably foreign until they hear me speak, as I have a bit of an accent, often people think western isles or some such.

The most annoying people are those for whom the first thing they say is "where are you from", and I cannot help but think, can we have a bit of a conversation first, please?

Now my first name is very difficult for people outside my country of origin and when names are shared it is an obvious thing to ask, don't really mind that.

have only read the OP. You have been here a while and have not clocked that in general it is polite conversation. How are you, weather, where are you from.

it is just chit chat.

The twins they do. I am rarely without them. And yes, people in the street or shops will stop you to ask whether you were speaking to them or not, along with people you were speaking to in the first place. When you’re on your own and asked if you have kids (the most common question to a woman in a certain age bracket) its’s also always the follow up set of questions.

Do you have twins? Are you asked about conception or family history on a weekly/daily basis by strangers?

I do sympathise OP. I am from "elsewhere" but moved here very young so it's not obvious as I look and sound the same as everyone else.

BUT one thing that really irritates me is hearing everyone say the same thing all the time. Right now it's that "all ready for Christmas?" question from absolutely everyone. I never say anything as they are just being friendly/making conversation but I inwardly grit my teeth.

When my two were babies, I baby wore the majority of the time and people would ALWAYS say the exact SAME THING. "It's lovely for them because they can hear the heartbeat" I would WAIT for those words "hear the heartbeat" because they ALWAYS came and I would just smile and nod and agree like they had said something original and sweet because I knew it was meant well.

Because I know how annoying it is to hear the same thing over and over I never ask anyone where they are from even if I am dying to know and dying to have an interesting discussion about their culture 🤣 I currently work with a lady with a Aussie or kiwi accent (I am so sorry I don't know the difference!) and it's been nearly a year and I still haven't asked her!!

Sorry that was long and unhelpful. I don't know what to suggest but you do have my absolute sympathy and understanding :(

You're wrong about it just being foreigners.

I'm English, can trace my family back hundreds of years to the same place I was born.

I grew up in Scotland, and have a Scottish accent.

People never let up with their questions about whereabouts in Scotland I'm from. Even when I tell them the facts they want my parents, grandparents, someone, anyone, in my family to be Scottish.

So much of the time it feels that it's more about what they want me to be than anything else.

Intermittently I try to lose the accent, and would love to have voice coaching to get rid of it. It's a nice accent, but it's not me and I hate that so many people focus on it and not anything else.

Nope, but I have been asked if I’m the nanny (job not relationship) to my own kid!

Could you just be honest and say something like “Denmark, but I don’t like to talk about it” and follow up with a different question like “Weird weather we’re having isn’t it?” If you want to engage or turn away if you don’t.

You live in London and every single time you ride a bus or go into a shop or cafe someone asks you where you're from?!

I find that extremely hard to believe. Nobody in London is 'from' there. If these people are saying it to you they'd be saying to everyone they see. Which sounds pretty outlandish!

I'm so glad there is a mix of opinions on the thread from people who have experienced this. I often ask where someone's accent is from, people generally seem happy to have a little chat, often we'd move on to other things pretty quickly. Ireland is a very chatty country though, so people probably have to get used to that! However my DH is a returned emigrant from the UK, he had the "wrong" accent there as a child and the wrong one here now, so I do know being out of place can be a difficult experience. He'd still ask people about their accent though! It's nice to connect with people, have the chat, get to know your neighbours. I guess if people can't relate to that they'd find living in Ireland very hard.

You may be the only person on this thread who has said what country they are from. That's good. It gives context which can help in understanding and discussing feelings about the subject. Everyone else has been immensely coy, even taking care not to name other countries they said they've lived in abroad.

The boiler man and the shopkeeper will probably find it unusual, therefore a point of interest and natural to mention.If anything, they are being friendly or ordinarily civil. I too would find it interesting that you moved to Scotland from America. I am certainly not asking you to explain here, though! And yes, it's annoying that you keep being asked the same set of questions over and over without end.

Exactly this. It's called just making small talk.

The answer to ‘where are you from?’ is to tell them where you’re from - the next town, next city, just down the road, etc.

Perhaps if you are being asked the same questions all the time you need to work on your social and conversation skills.

I'd suggest the person asking the questions needs to work on their skills if it's the only question they can come up with.

100%

Lol, if only it was that simple!!! The questions just keep coming!!!

@BillieWiper yes and also strange op, hasn’t participated in their thread.
Unfortunately, just another click bait thread, just to get reactions🙄

The OP absolutely has participated in her thread, but her last post was around 1am so perhaps she's having a lie-in or enjoying her Sunday doing other things?

Not everyone post is "click-bait" just because the OP doesn't come back enough or regularly enough. People generally participate in Mumsnet when they are at their leisure or need something to pass the time.

Like right now, I'm at work, and Sundays are quiet, so I'll probably be on here a lot! Tomorrow is a busy family day so I won't be back for a while!

Huh? 🤷

I'd answer the question literally

• well I was brought up in Small village, then moved to city, then town and now current town. So all over the place but I think of current town as home now.

It's a racist question, a way of saying you're not from here so why are you here? which is offensive. I'd never give the name of my birth country for that reason.

@gannett I would like to surround myself with humans who have progressed beyond primitive tribalism and who are polite enough not to voice every basic curiosity they have. But it's apparent from the question that we can't.

As you are in London, just say the name of your borough or another. So if you are asked this in say Westminster, say Hampstead. Or if you are in Hampstead say Kennington, etc, Should shut the conversation down. Then just turn away or be busy finding something in your bag, doing a text, etc etc. If you are asked in the area you live in, say somewhere else on the outskirts of London. 😀

I lived in London for 14 years and I don't think any strangers ever tried to start a conversation. Where are all these chatty Londoners?